Held Up Page #5

would have a little more effect at night.

That's true.

Where the hell is my SWAT team?!

Where the hell is North Butte?

Big J- J, money. You-

Do you mind? I mean,

do you know some other songs?

- I know plenty.

- Thanks.

I like one.

Come on, Jack, go with me.

You want music? Go to church!

I got a tape right here, sheriff.

What's on the list, Beau?

Well, it says here the next step

is to negotiate.

We are ready to listen

to your demands.

What do you want?

What the hell did he say?

Maybe you could hear him

if you hadn't cut off the power.

That was pretty stupid, sheriff.

I mean, how are we

supposed to talk to him now?

Y'all, Clute's coming.

And he ain't wearing no pants.

You in there.

I'm sending in one of our bullhorns

to re-establish communication.

Remember,

it's government property...

...and you're responsible

for its safe return.

- You press the button-

- I know how to use it, all right?

Hey!

Damn.

Get your ass back there. Go!

That kid's lucky I didn't execute

his dumb ass.

Next time, I ain't gonna be

so generous, huh?

You wanna shoot at somebody, huh?

Michael, where are you going?

Michael, get back here.

You're not gonna shoot me, man.

I can see it in your eyes.

Michael.

Oh, my God.

You got lying eyes.

What are you shooting at in there?

- You wanna be a terrorist?

- No, no.

You got your chance.

Come on. Come on.

- What are you doing?

- We about to negotiate.

Okay, but- Okay. You talk to him.

Sheriff. Look, I'm sick of this, man.

I've been robbed, kidnapped, shot at.

I could've stayed in Chicago

for this sh*t.

All your trigger-happy Boss Hogg ass

can do is turn off the air conditioning.

I'm running out of time.

What do you want, Tyson?

Okay. He'll release

all of the hostages...

...if you provide transportation

to the Las Vegas airport by 6.

What are you talking about?

You need to get to Mexico, right?

I need to get to Rae.

- All right?

- Okay, listen up!

Somebody is going with me.

Somebody besides him!

That's humorous. Listen.

He needs to get two plane tickets...

...and we need to get transportation

to the Vegas airport by 6.

If he don't get all that, if he don't get

his demands met, then...

- We all die?

- Then we all die.

Yeah! Everybody dies!

- Six o'clock, and I take this and:

- No, no.

- Brains everywhere! I'm serious!

- They know you're serious.

- Blood and guts. Serious sh*t!

- He's just hot. It's hot. It's real hot.

Find out how much

all this is gonna cost.

Right.

Look, look.

This is our first trip together.

You know what I didn't realize?

She'd never been on a plane, right?

So I sit there with her, and I say,

"Order whatever you want. "

She sees the flight-attendant button

with the little speaker by it...

...so she goes:

" Could I get a Diet Coke?"

So everybody starts laughing...

...but I'm like,

I'm gonna let her off the hook.

She sits there, and the Diet Coke

ain't came, so she goes:

"These people. I said,

could I get a Diet Coke, please. "

And it was just hilarious, man.

You know, she was just so innocent.

Why were they laughing?

Yeah, I'm not even wasting my time.

That's my little Rae, man.

Little ray of sunshine.

That's really pretty. Where is that?

- It's Mexico.

- Yeah.

It's Topolobampo.

Damn, brother.

- You're a travelling man.

- No, I was born there.

How do you say it?

Topolobampo.

Never heard of it.

It's a small port city,

20 miles south of Las Mochis.

It's known for its temperate climate

and guava-bean exports.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

We'd only been seeing each other

a couple weeks.

We hadn't even known each other

that long, you know?

I'm telling you, Gloria,

we were like-

We were, like, the perfect fit.

The first night we were together,

man... Oh, man.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

And we could just talk for hours

and hours about everything.

She would talk for hours

about nothing.

- But I didn't mind listening.

- Hello in there.

We've got ourselves a little bit

of a problem out here.

Michael, come on.

What problem?

Well, what with the cost

of putting up the new scoreboard...

...and fiscal cutbacks...

...the mayor says that there's no way

that we can charter a plane.

We can send you on a bus, though.

It goes down through Nogales

and Yuma.

It's a lot of pretty scenery

down there.

- How about first-class seats?

- It's a damn bus.

I guess we could put you closer

to the crapper or something.

What about dinner?

Is there a meal?

Got a brochure here, sheriff.

"A delicious portion

of mesquite-roasted longhorn steaks...

...smothered in a colourful

vegetable melody...

...baked potato or rice pilaf. "

Boy, that sounds good.

Okay. I'll go.

- That's cool.

- Okay, Tyson, you got a deal.

- We got a deal.

- Agreed.

Wait. Hey.

Wait. One more thing.

I need a dozen roses-

No, make that two dozen roses...

...sent to the Vegas airport right now.

Find out how much

that's gonna cost.

So why come in here

and rob a convenience store?

There ain't no money in that.

Why don't you go to a bank?

Oh, yeah. Like I'm very good

at this sh*t.

You could've fooled me.

You come in here

waving your gun and sh*t.

Billy Badass, "Okay, nobody move!"

I thought you was doing it.

- Really?

- Yeah, yeah.

- This is my first time.

- No. Get out. You used to...

Man, you on your way.

- How much did this tear gas cost?

- It was sort of free.

Good job, Dale.

- Sheriff, Dale's back.

- Get any tear gas?

- Well, sort of.

- Sort of?

Clute, buddy. I got an important job

for you. Come with me.

Me and you, baby. Dream team.

The hell does that mean? "Sort of"?

That's a nice gun, Dale.

Looks mighty powerful.

- Clute.

- Sheriff's orders.

Clute, how's it coming?

- What's that, sheriff?

- What is your status?

The fuse is lit.

I repeat, the fuse has been lit.

How long is this gonna take?

Well, I really have no idea.

Where the hell is my SWAT team?

Who ordered the burrito

with extra cheese?

What's your day job?

I mean, what did you do before this?

- Migrant work.

- What?

- Migrant work.

- Migrant work.

- Really?

- No, I'm president of Disneyland.

What do you think?

Things weren't going that great

in Mexico...

...so me and my old man

came over here.

Hooked up with a couple

of harvesting companies...

...bent over 10 hours a day

for 2 bucks an hour.

You just work and work and work.

Then you die.

You're right.

What did you pick?

Squash.

Beets.

Beets?

- Strawberries.

- Strawberries.

- Melons.

- Oh, yeah.

Melons.

I'm way ahead of you.

What?

Go! Go! Come on, let's move out.

Come on!

Inside, civilian. Come on!

- It's about good goddamn time.

- Sheriff Pembry.

Your order's my order, sir.

Give him what he needs, Beau.

What do you need?

- Sonny.

- Hey, Mary. Mary.

No, no, no.

Don't do anything stupid, please.

Hi, Sonny.

Got a little bit of a situation here,

Sonny, so make it short, okay?

All right.

How you doing, Mary?

Is he treating you all right?

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