Helicopter Mom Page #7

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for a change.

Yeah, maybe It's 'cause he has

a date to the prom.

I would know

IF he had a date to the prom.

Maybe you wouldn't.

What?

He has a date to the prom?

He got a date for the prom.

How do you know that?

I guess he told me.

Have you met the guy?

What's his name?

How old is he? Who is he?

Carrie. Aged 17, 18?

Carrie. I've never met a boy

"Carrie,"

but It's like Cary grant.

Is he dashing?

Carrie is not a boy.

What?

Carrie is a girl.

I don't get it.

I don't really know how I could

make that any clearer.

Oh.

Great.

So typical of you.

Oh!

Great, that was good.

You planned this.

I know you did.

You confused him

into asking a girl out.

I did not!

It's what you do.

It is amazing how a great moment

for our son occurs,

and somehow you think It's some

kind of attack on you!

Maybe you're having trouble

accepting this,

but listen to me now...

Our son is gay.

And shoving him face first

out of the closet

is what you think is best?

That's not what I'm doing.

And I really don't care

what you think is best for him.

I'm sorry.

I just don't, okay?

'Cause I've been here,

here, for 17 years,

day in and day out.

The amount of time

that you've spent with him

adds up to, I don't know,

a celebrity marriage?

So, you know what?

You just don't get to say.

I'm here! I'm here now!

I'm doing my best, and, you

know, IF you keep this up,

Lloyd is going to hate you.

And I wouldn't blame him

one iota.

Yeah, good.

I get it now.

You get to be best buds

with him... fine!

Take him out, get him drunk,

pick up girls,

I don't care, but when the time

comes to pay for sh*t,

don't come to me

because I'll be here

trying to figure out a way to pay

for college on the east coast.

You could never,

ever, ever do it,

and I know you can't because

you've never been there for me

because you're just

a deadbeat dad!

Sorry, Lloyd.

Well, what are you doin'

out here?

Hey, so, a prom date, huh?

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Is she pretty?

Uh, yeah.

Fix that tablecloth!

Where are those chairs going?

Less smiling, more working!

Barbara wolf demands this prom

be perfect!

Hey, dad.

You like it?

You look like a man.

Thank you.

Okay, I got it. I got it.

Okay. Here I am.

So handsome.

What are you doin' here?

I thought I might

cook you dinner.

A little peace offering.

Mom? Dad?

Is there, uh, somethin'

you wanna tell me?

No, I have not forgiven him yet.

Wait, I'm coming down.

Okay, I want a full shot, full shot!

Okay, all right.

Okay. Look at me.

You're so handsome.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Look at you.

Oh, okay. Ready?

Mm.

Three...

Two. One.

There you go.

Have fun, be safe.

Okay, yeah, you too.

Unh-unh, mm.

See you, dad.

Bye.

Good night.

This better be an epic dinner.

Barbecue.

Maggie?

Well, I have no idea

what to expect, but...

You guys look great.

Well, thank you.

I appreciate it.

Hey.

Hi.

Hi.

You look so cute!

I love your dress.

It's so glamorous.

Thank you.

Have fun tonight.

Freeze!

What are you doin', punk?

Give me that.

Give it to me.

Hi, guys. How are you?

Don't you think you're just

a little old for the prom?

Hi.

Hmm.

Look at them.

Come on, let him be.

Let's go.

Why isn't she dancing?

She seems upright.

She's just not right for him.

Let 'em have their fun.

Maybe we can have some fun.

She probably doesn't even

like to dance.

She just seems like that type

who's like,

"ew, I don't wanna get

my dress dirty."

You've gotta quit

bashing Carrie.

Listen to me, I have somebody

better for Lloyd... better!

And he's gonna be here

any minute now,

and It's just gonna be perfect,

and it has to happen

because the scholarship rep

is here!

You gotta be kidding me!

He arranged this date.

He did!

Let him be!

This could all blow up right now

because of her!

It is time to leave him alone.

So let's go. Now!

Excuse me.

You okay?

Yeah, I'll be right back.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Good.

What... no, no, no!

Okay. Okay.

Beautiful dress.

Oh, thank you.

Cool jacket.

Vintage?

Yeah, yeah.

I rock the vintage.

I'm Lloyd's mom.

Oh! I-It's so nice

to finally meet you!

I'm... I'm Carrie.

Oh, I know who you are.

You're the girl tryin' to steal

my son away from me.

I'm kidding.

Oh, my God.

You should see your face.

You were like, "what?"

Yeah.

Pale.

That was...

That was funny.

You're Barbara wolf's

daughter, right?

Yeah.

"I'm Barbara wolf."

She knows everybody.

Did you know Lloyd

used to dress up

in my clothes when he was a kid?

No,

I-I did not know that.

Here's the weird thing...

His favorite dress of mine

was exactly like the dress

you're wearing.

You don't say.

I-I-I didn't know that.

Isn't that a coinkidink?

Um...

Kinda crazy.

A huge coinkidink.

Yeah.

He used to put on these shows

and dance and sing

around the house.

It was adorable.

Well, I'm sure.

I would've loved

to have seen it.

It sounds hilarious.

But lately he's not putting on

shows around the house.

It's just sort of different

at my place.

Uh...

It's really as IF

you came along,

and now he's confused.

Uh, I'm sorry,

Mrs. Cooper,

I-I don't think

I understand.

It's like his whole life,

Lloyd was a vegetarian,

and now suddenly he likes beef.

Well, can't he like vegetables

and beef?

Okay.

We both want what's best

for Lloyd, right?

Well, of course.

Mrs. Cooper,

I think your son

is a wonderful person.

I-I like him a lot.

Okay. So let's do this.

Let's have a girls' secret.

A secret?

Here's what's gonna happen.

Mm-hmm?

You know how some people

go to prom together?

Uh-huh.

Sometimes people take

a cab home.

Okay?

And you gotta be careful

in New York, like, I don't know.

You're...

You're pretty cute,

and New York's pretty hard.

They're gonna... they're gonna

eat you up out there, man.

Come on.

Yeah, you gotta start

working out or somethin'.

I'll be fine.

Hey.

Do you mind IF I talk to Lloyd

for just a second?

Just a second.

Sorry.

What's up?

Um, your mom

was in the bathroom,

and she tried to pay me

to get me to leave.

Are you kidding?

Where is she?

Okay, first of all,

what are you doing here?

There are a lot of parents here.

There are parents here

chaperoning, sure.

There is nobody else here

who is sabotaging their kid's

life like you are mine.

That is not true!

So you didn't just try to pay

Carrie to leave?

I-I'm sorry...

It's okay.

Apologize to her right now,

and go home.

Don't talk to me like that.

I have had it with you!

I am trying to help you!

You are not helping me!

I am...

What are you talking about?

You can't do this on your own.

I have to be here.

No, I can do this on my own.

I'm fine!

Dan, Dan! Hey!

Dan. Who is Dan?

This is my son, Lloyd.

I've heard so much about you.

Nice to meet you.

Dan loves to read,

he's a Pisces,

and he loves "sailor moon."

Wasn't that your favorite show?

I love "sailor moon."

Who's your favorite sailor?

Sailor Mercury.

Dan, I'm sorry.

Uh, you've been tricked

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