Helicopter Mom Page #6

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Well, that's kinda

what it was like,

uh, romancing your mother.

What's the meanest thing

you ever did in high school?

Isn't everybody a jerk

in high school?

Being mean, it somehow equates

with being cool.

Everybody's so lost and stupid.

You think we would've been

friends in high school?

You and me?

Yeah. Be honest.

Probably not, huh?

Yeah, I don't think so, either.

Well, I was just such a jerk,

you know?

I wouldn't even have deserved

to be your friend.

It's okay.

I'm not offended that you

wouldn't have been

my hypothetical friend.

Don't make a joke about it.

I'm serious.

You're a much better person

than I was in high school.

You're more thoughtful.

You're more mature.

Hell, you're a better person

than I am as an adult.

And you really ought to

stop being self-deprecating.

You just use it as armor.

I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean

to get you all worked up.

You know...

Could you do me a favor?

The next time somebody

opens up to you,

don't think about

their intentions...

Or where it may be going

or how it might end.

Even though you might

be embarrassed by it,

just put yourself out there.

You know, you really are

a person worth knowing.

You really are.

Mm.

Yeah.

He's not here yet, huh?

What?

How did you find me?

What? I'm your mother. I know

where you are at all times.

I'd love to tell you to leave,

but I know that you won't,

so, please, just stay quiet,

okay?

Don't get involved.

Please?

Yes, I will.

Thank you.

Okay. Don't forget

you're in the choir,

and you're a huge, essential

part of this entire high school.

And IF there's a hell,

I'll be going there for this.

Listen to me.

Huh?

You're in the homestretch, okay?

Your grades got you here.

You just have to convince Derek

of your exemplary character.

Yes, yes. I do.

I have to convince him.

Yes.

Not we, me.

Okay. All right.

Okay.

So then have you thought about

what you're gonna say

about your experiences

as a gay man?

Lloyd?

Yes!

Yes. Uh, thank you, ma'am,

that's all the help I'll need.

Don't call me ma'am.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Derek

from the point foundation.

Hi, It's nice to meet you.

So, what is it like growing up

out and gay in Venice?

Uh, sorry, what?

How do kids here treat you

when they know you're gay

and open about it?

Um...

Well, I don... I don't know

IF It's just that I'm,

um, a shy personality

or IF It's this

defense mechanism

but, uh, I've survived school

by not putting myself

in uncomfortable situations.

Um, It's... It's only

been recently that I've,

uh, really let people

get to know me,

you know, p-put myself

out there to be judged.

Um, It's scary, you know,

It's really scary, but, uh,

I've been really surprised

by the inherent kindness

in people.

That's wonderful.

To see a young person

who knows who they are

and can speak proudly about it.

That's exactly the type

of person

our scholarship is seeking out.

All that's left is a visit

to your administrators,

just to learn about

your leadership skills,

and we'd like to get an idea

of what your fellow students

think of you.

My... my fellow students?

I shouldn't be telling you this,

but you're looking pretty good

for the scholarship.

That's great.

Thank you.

So, what upcoming events

are there?

Well, um...

I suppose...

Prom!

Hello.

Hi.

I'm Lloyd's mom.

Oh!

I'm Maggie.

No, don't come around!

Oh, she's coming around.

Hi, there.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, let's just hug it out.

Am I wrong?

Here's the thing.

Lloyd is too shy to tell you,

but he has been nominated

as prom king.

And I think he's gonna win.

I-It's all set then, Lloyd.

I'll see you at prom.

All right.

Okay.

Lloyd's mom?

Yes.

It was nice to meet you.

You too.

You should be very proud

of your son.

Thank you.

You did it!

Shh! Shh!

We're good!

This is a library.

Okay, okay, sorry.

Oh, but you were perfect.

You spoke from the heart.

Okay, thank you, thank you.

Now please leave.

It was... okay.

I'm gonna call your dad,

even though I hate him.

Okay, fine.

Thank you. Bye!

Bye, I love you. Bye!

Bye.

Bye.

I refuse to do

our science homework.

I know.

Whoa, hey!

I saw you with him!

Okay, I-I don't know...

You got the wrong guy.

Don't lie to me, you whore!

What?

I was his first, you skanky b*tch!

Whose first?

Parker's!

Oh, Parker?

You are nothing compared

to my love for Parker!

That self-important

narcissist?

Wait, what's going on?

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!

Break it up!

He's trying to take my man!

He doesn't go to this school!

Hey!

You're not even a real cop!

Come on with me.

Leave him alone!

Stop it!

Leave me alone!

Ooh, you're strong.

Oh, you're...

Are you all right?

Y-yeah, are you?

Yeah, I'm f... I'm fine.

Let's... let's go. Come on.

How do you even know that guy?

I don't know him.

Really?

Never met him before.

No!

Not a scorned lover?

No, no.

Well, I don't...

Oh.

What?

You've got a little...

It's like...

Where? Is it

all right, there you go.

You're good.

It's a little ticklish.

Yeah.

Uh, Oh, here, ready?

Just... you got a little...

Just, um...

What? Just...

Just... yeah.

How's that?

That... that's...

Yeah?

Yeah.

I've got, like, rocker-hair

goin' on right now, right?

Lloyd Cooper, whoo!

Yeah, that's you.

No. Not me.

So, you ready for prom?

No, not in the least.

Me neither.

You're, uh,

goin' with Josh? Right?

Why does everyone assume that?

I mean, just because

I'm a cheerleader

and he's the quarterback,

and, I don't know, we've slept

together 200,000 times

doesn't make it

a foregone conclusion.

Right. Ah. My bad.

Nah, I'm goin' stag this year.

Yeah?

Yeah. The guys at this school

are so dumb.

And as an added bonus,

it'll piss off my mom.

Mm.

Yeah,

I-I'm going by myself, too.

What? Why?

Boys are lining up

to go with you.

I'll see you later.

Uh, Carrie?

Uh, you, uh...

You wouldn't at all

be interested in maybe

going to prom with me?

Uh, really?

Yeah! Uh, why not?

I thought you liked boys.

Uh, I'm asking you

because

I... want to go with you.

I en-enjoy, um,

spending time with you.

I... I... you make me laugh,

easily and often.

When you talk in class,

I actually enjoy hearing

what you have to say,

as opposed to normally when I

just wanna gouge my eyes out.

Well...

That just made my day.

And?

Let's do this, it'll be fun.

Really?

Really.

Yes.

Dude.

What was that?

Nothin', it was fine.

She just kissed you

on the cheek?!

Yeah!

What?!

Yeah!

Yeah, dude!

Okay. Wa-hoo-hoo!

Someone's got a date!

Someone's got a date!

What, do you take all nine

of these mustards

and put them together

and eat it?

There's nothing in here!

There's yogurt.

Mmm!

You're not actually gonna drink

that concoction, are you?

Yeah, I am.

And so are you.

Because you are gonna

get into better shape,

aging rock star.

What is wrong with me, right?

Nothing.

Hello, parental units!

Hey!

Hey.

Tons of yogurt in there?

Try it.

Well, he looks happy

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