Hellbenders Page #5

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Somebody get the old man

to the hospital.

The rest of you need to be gone

by the time I get back.

Let's go, Father.

Okay.

Do you need to go

to the hospital?

Get the f*** away.

Hey, Larry...

You should go after Penelope.

We are all dead

by midnight anyway.

You keep saying that.

What happens after midnight?

Surtr opens the gates of hell.

It's the perfect blasphemy.

Tomorrow is

Jesus Christ's birthday.

Christmas was months ago.

Oh, f*** Christmas.

It's a date some Guinea dipshit

pulled out of a hat

to appease some fifth century

dirt-worshipping pagan.

Tomorrow is the day

that Christ was born.

Tonight we die.

We should...

We should pray.

Oh, God, you still

don't get it, do you?

Surtr is not just some

pagan old killing god.

He is the God killer!

It's not just us he destroys.

It's God, and his angels,

and heaven. Everything.

We die and go nowhere.

That's the cost of this.

Nobody kills God!

Do you think he doesn't

count on us, too?

Do you think God would keep us around

if he didn't need us?

What the f*** kind of God

would waste his time like that?

He needs us.

And we failed him.

Oh, God, we failed.

You know why there

aren't any super heroes named "Clint"?

Cool, macho name.

It's not hard to imagine.

Cheap printing.

Cheap printing in the old comics.

The L and the I, they

would bleed together.

Let's not get beat by a Clint.

Who has got a pencil?

Number two okay?

Perfect.

Something kills.

Greed kills?

Where the f*** is my gin?

I should know this.

My heart hurts.

Where would Elizabeth go

to find the edge of hell?

I keep telling you,

Elizabeth is gone.

She's a f***ing demon.

A vortex of sin to crack the gates.

It would be based

on the quality of sin, not just the murder.

He didn't just say "killing",

he said great.

You hopeless, stammering drunk.

As close as you can get

to hell in New York City.

Staten Island.

Great Kills.

Great Kills.

Great Kills, Staten Island.

Okay.

Get your kits together.

Let's go send this

satanic cocksucker to hell.

Oh, yeah.

There it is, the vortex.

At its center, they will open

a fissure into hell.

What does that look like?

A flaming vagina with teeth.

How are we going to

get Elizabeth back?

Goddamn you, Larry,

we don't. She's gone.

We need to use this

to trap her inside.

Kill her, send them both

straight to hell.

You get in my way,

you're going with them.

There has got to be

hundreds of them.

Well, God's on our side.

Sh*t.

Name your Messiah.

Name your Messiah or die.

Detective Elrod?

What the f***

are you doing, man?

Bathe in ash and supplication.

Have you come to accept

the true Messiah?

Do you mean our Lord

and Savior Jesus Christ?

Surtr. The Black.

Then out of our way,

you blasphemous cocksucker.

God is on our side.

Shut him up.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, man, oh, man.

Shoot one.

Make an example.

The gun is empty.

No, it will work this time.

That was a miracle.

Go ahead.

All right.

Come at me. I will gut the lot

of you motherfuckers!

Let's go, sweetheart.

How are you doing?

Oh!

Angus!

Angus, come on.

Hey, you okay?

Let's get Angus out of here.

Go find Liz.

I will hold them off.

There's too many of them.

God is on our side.

Cast out the great dragon,

the old serpent Satan...

Tremble before

St. Michael the Archangel...

Clint, lend your voice.

From the snares of the devil.

Deliver us, O Lord!

Cast into hell Satan

and all evil spirits.

We beseech thee, hear us!

May God rebuke him.

We humbly pray.

Clint! "We humbly pray."

Clint!

My God! Liz!

The vortex.

Give me the collar.

Give it!

You cocksucker!

Satan!

Depart, transgressor.

Depart, seducer.

Full of lies and cunning.

Foe of virtue!

Give way to Christ,

you abominable creature.

I know you don't love me.

Shut up.

Your b*tch wife, neither.

Loveless, lazy

and far from God.

Larry, we could have

been happy together.

Give way to Christ.

We can still be together.

Give way to Christ.

Give way to the light.

God casts you into

the outer darkness.

No! No!

No!

Liz. Liz, please!

Ancient serpent...

Enemy of Christ.

The power of Christ

compels you, you f***ing cocksucker!

Take me!

I welcome you in.

You and all your minions.

Take me.

Take me!

Take... Take...

Unholy... Ragnarok!

Ragnarok!

F***er!

What did you say?

Send me to hell.

Kill me. Now.

I can't.

Oh, Larry, you f***ing coward.

No!

Larry! Larry!

Sorry, Angus.

Do you want last rites?

Don't you f***ing dare!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Did we win?

Yeah.

Yeah! F*** Satan!

Huh?

Anybody see my nose?

Hell is real.

Okay, look, I'm sorry.

You were right.

The Hellbound Saints

will go funded until the Rapture.

What are we going to do?

I mean...

Without Angus, it's...

You know, it's...

He saved us.

Who's going to lead us?

I mean, he was always

there to keep us in line, you know?

I mean, that's the truth.

I'll call you cocksucker every once

in a while if it makes you feel better.

Yeah.

Hey.

He's wasted.

Let's get him to bed.

- Sorry about your hand.

- Okay, yeah.

I'll hold you.

I'm okay.

That was my second

favorite finger.

We live to fight another day.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

That's me.

I'm sorry about that.

You got that side?

I'm...

Liz.

Was it my fault?

No.

I wasn't ready.

You will be next time.

We'll sin.

We'll do bad together.

And you will be ready.

Yep.

Hey, babe.

Larry?

Yeah?

I want you to come home.

I'm on my way.

If you believe in demons,

it's a much shorter leap

to believing in God. Yes?

What better way to get

believers' attention,

to reaffirm faith,

than by scaring the hell

out of them?

It was just the beginning.

The female minister

left a piece of herself in the gate.

It was wedged open,

just a little, but enough.

There was...

There was no way we could have prepared

for what was coming.

Are you sure you're done?

Can we take this off?

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