Hello, Dolly! Page #10

You can find a housekeeper

who'll cook for a dollar a day.

It can be done, if you like cold

baked beans. I can see you now,

ending your days listening at keyholes

for fear of being cheated.

- Have some more beets. They're delicious.

- I hate beets.

There, that's the difference between us.

I'd be nagging you,

to get some spirit into you,

and the pity of it is you could be

a charming, amiable man if you wanted to.

- I don't want to be charming.

- But you are. You can't help yourself.

Listening at keyholes! You have

no right to say such things.

At your age you ought to enjoy the truth.

My age, you're always talking about my age.

I don't know what your age is, but with

bad temper you'll double it in six months.

Now siddown. Before we change

the subject, there's one thing I'll say.

I don't wanna hear it. You're wasting your

time. I have no intention of proposing.

Oh! I suppose you want me to ask you?

Well, I'm sorry. I'm turning you down.

How can you turn me down

when I haven't asked ya anything?

It's no use arguing. I've made up your mind.

Here, let me cut your wings.

- I don't want my wings cut.

- No man does, Horace. No man does.

- I've got a headache. I'm leaving.

- (fanfare)

Oh, no, the dance competition

is about to begin.

Ladies and gentlemen, if I may

have your attention please.

It is my pleasure to announce on behalf of

the management of the Harmonia Gardens,

that our dance contest

is about to commence.

The judges for tonight's competition

are Mr. Hermann Fleishacker,

Mr. Llewellyn Codd,

and our special guest-of-honour

judge, Mrs. Dolly Levi.

Siddown!

Ladies and gentlemen

who wish to participate,

will you please come to the dance floor.

To the lucky winning couple

goes the grand prize of 50 silver dollars

or an engagement at the Harmonia Gardens.

Everybody, dance!

- Your check, sir.

- Another bottle of champagne.

Mm! Look at him. What grace, what talent,

what a living he could earn with his feet!

- Horace, look.

- Where?

- Wait a minute.

- Oh, isn't he wonderful?

That's Ambrose Kemper, so-called artist.

- Why, so it is.

- No wonder his pictures are so awful.

- He must paint with his feet.

- He's sure to win first prize.

Ermengarde should see him now,

dancing with another girl.

- And such a pretty little thing too.

- It's shameful, that's what it is. Shameful.

Look, there's that Molloy

woman dancing with a man.

I think it's a man.

And only a few hours ago

she was waiting for me to propose.

- Shocking.

- No faithfulness left in this world.

I agree. I certainly do. And it's

very selfish that people like us

don't jump right up and marry someone

just to set the world a good example.

My hat!

Ermengarde!

- Uncle...

- My niece!

Agh!

You are a disgrace to Yonkers!

Grrrr!

- Mr. Vandergelder, the contest!

- I'll show you a contest!

Call the police!

Uncle Horace, we can explain.

Exp...? I'll give you...

Cornelius Hackl!

- What are you doing in New York?

- Delivering some oats.

Oats? With my former intended?

- You're discharged!

- You can't fire me. I quit.

So do I.

- And you're discharged!

- You can't fire me. I quit.

((Minnie) So do I.

I'm sorry.

Grrr!

Oh!

Horace Vandergelder, flat on

your back you are still charming.

Cornelius, Barnaby,

perhaps there's a way I can get

Mr. Vandergelder to give you back your jobs.

What? How?

I could become his wife.

- No, that's impossible.

- It is?

- Yes.

- But why, Cornelius?

- Because. That's why.

- But you have to give me a reason.

Never mind the reason. Never mind

the reason! And don't tell me to shush!

- What's going on there?

- Cornelius, quick!

Hey, you! What's all this noise?

What's happening here?

- Now, you stay out of this.

- Are you all right, Miss?

- I'll let you know.

- Young man...

I'm only trying to tell her something.

Well, it's too late and

you're disturbing the peace.

No, it's not too late.

That's why I'm shouting.

For 28 years, my whole life,

I never did anything.

I just worked, took orders, never

went anywhere. Stayed in Yonkers.

- Yonkers?

- And today

the most important thing that can happen

to a man, and might never have happened,

happened to me because I left Yonkers

and came to New York and met this lady.

Met her this afternoon.

Mister... just what are you talking about?

Officer, I'm talking about

none other than love.

- (both) Love?

- Love?

Young man, are you trying to tell me

that after 28 years in Yonkers

you've fallen in love with

this young lady in one day?

Oh, no, Officer, I didn't fall in love with

Miss Irene Molloy of this city in just a day.

It was much quicker than that. An hour.

No, even that's too long.

What's less than a minute?

- A second?

- Less than that.

- A moment.

- That's it.

That is it. Now, all of you, listen to me.

Please.

It only takes a moment

For your eyes to meet, and then

Your heart knows

In a moment

You will never be alone again

I held her

For an instant

But my arms felt sure and strong

It only takes a moment

To be loved

A whole life long

Isn't the world full of wonderful things?

I have lost so many things.

My job, my future,

everything that people think is important,

but I don't care. Cos, even if I have to

dig ditches for the rest of my life,

I shall be a ditch-digger

who once had a wonderful day.

Mister, do you mind?

I came in late. Right after...

It only...

Takes a moment

But his arms felt sure and strong

It only takes a moment

He held me, for an instant

But his arms felt safe and strong

It only takes a moment

To be loved a whole life long

And that is all

That love's about

And we'll recall

When time runs out

That it only

Took a moment

To be loved a whole life long

Tell Rudolph not to worry

about the damage.

Just send the bill to Vandergelder's

Hay and Feed Store, Yonkers, New York.

- There's your life for you.

- I don't want to hear about it.

Without niece, without bride,

without clerks.

Look, I'm tired. I've got a backache.

- That's all you have. I hope you're satisfied.

- Never mind.

There's only one thing for me to say.

I've been meaning to say it all night.

If it's to ask me to marry you, Dolly Levi,

never - not in a million years.

It wasn't that at all, Horace.

All I wanted to say was...

Goodbye

What?

Goodbye

What are you talking about?

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Goodbye, goodbye

- Nonsense.

- Don't try to stop me, Horace, please.

Wave your little hand

and whisper "So long, dearie"

You ain't gonna see me any more

And when you discover

that your life is dreary

Don ' t you come a-knockin' at my door

Cos I'll be all dolled up

and singin' that song

That says "You dog, I told you so"

So wave your little hand

and whisper "So long, dearie"

Dearie should have said "So long"

so long ago

Because you treated me

so rotten and rough

I have had enough of feeling low

So wave your little hand

and whisper "So long, dearie"

Dearie should have said "So long"

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