Hello, Dolly! Page #11

so long ago

For I can hear that choo-choo

calling me on to a fancy new address

Yes, I can hear that choo-choo calling me

on, on board that Happiness Express

I'm gonna learn to dance

and drink and smoke a cigarette

I'm going as far away

from Yonkers as a girl can get

So

And on those cold winter nights, Horace,

you can snuggle up to your cash register.

It's a little lumpy, but it rings.

Don't come a-knockin', I'll be

all dolled up and singin' that song

That says "You dog, I told you so"

So, Horace, you will find

your life a sad old story

You'll be living in that lonesome territory

When you see old Dolly shuffle off to glory

Oh, I should have said "So long"

How could I have been wrong?

Oh, I should have said "So long"

So long ago

(playful shouting)

Quiet! Quiet, down there,

you little monsters.

Cornelius! Barnaby!

D'ya hear me down there?

Ermengarde!

What the devil is this?

What's this chicken mash doing all over?

Cornelius! Barnaby!

Get up here this minute

and clean up this mess.

Well, good riddance. Didn't need you

before and I don't need you now.

Ermengarde! I'm ready for my breakfast!

I want three eggs with crisp bacon,

and hot porridge with cream, and grits...

It's not fair.

It's worse than that. It's lonely.

Not in a million years, Dolly Levi.

You go your way and I'll go mine.

- Good morning, Uncle Horace.

- Good morning, Mr. Vandergelder.

Oh, come crawling back, have you?

I've a good mind not to take you,

but as I'm so softhearted

go get your aprons

and start cleaning up this mess.

We're not coming back to work for you.

What?

Barnaby and I

are stopping by for our money.

You see, we've decided to go into business.

Business?

And since the only business we know is

hay and feed, we're opening our own store.

Mrs. Levi's found the perfect location for us.

- Right across the street from you.

- She wouldn't dare.

Hackl and Tucker Incorporated.

H uh! You'll last for a week.

- What about my breakfast?

- Uncle Horace,

I think you'd better start

learning how to make it yourself.

All right, all right. My conscience is clear.

A man can do only so much to keep

fools from their own natural folly.

Why, Horace Vandergelder, as I live

and breathe, how well you look today.

I just came by to return your cane,

so don't let me interrupt.

You were doing something?

What were you doing?

We were getting their money.

$ 146.35.

- Plus $6. 12 of mine.

- And the money my mama left me.

That's right. $52.48.

- 38, idiot.

- 48... Uncle.

(all discussing what's owed)

All right, all right. If all you can think about

at a time like this is money,

the safe is upstairs.

And I have the combination.

- You stay here.

- If you insist, Horace.

Ephraim Levi, I'm gonna get married again.

I'm gonna marry Horace Vandergelder.

And I'm asking your permission.

It won't be a marriage

in the sense that we had one,

but I shall certainly make him happy.

You can be sure of that.

I am going to marry Horace Vandergelder

and send his money out into the world,

doing all the things you taught me.

As you always used to say, Ephraim:

"Money, pardon the expression,

is like manure."

"It's not worth a thing unless it's spread

around, encouraging young things to grow."

Anyhow, that's the opinion

of the future Mrs. Vandergelder.

And, Ephraim, I'm still waiting

for that sign that you approve.

(steps)

- Mr. Vandergelder.

- Outside. Front and back.

Bossy, scheming, meddling,

irritating, inquisitive, exasperating.

Horace, I know you're no longer interested,

but I have found you the ideal wife.

Dolly Levi, I don't want you

to find me any ideal wife.

If I want an ideal wife,

I'll find one of my own,

and I have found her and it's you, damn it!

I know I've been a fool and I probably always

will be, but Dolly, forgive me and marry me.

No, Horace, I...

- I don't dare. I don't dare.

- What do you mean?

Well, you know as well as I do

that you're the first citizen of Yonkers

and your wife would

have to be a... a somebody.

You are! You are a wonderful woman.

Yes, but, uh, do you really

think I have it in me...

to forgo fancy clothes

and expensive jewels,

and instead be a benefactress

to half the town?

In other words, to be a credit to you?

Dolly, everybody knows that you

could do anything you wanted to do.

By the way, Horace, here's the money

I borrowed from you yesterday.

Keep it, keep it.

Oh, Horace.

I never thought I'd ever

hear you say anything like that.

You know it's bad business

to let 'em open a store over there?

- It was your idea.

- Let him be your partner.

And Barnaby can have Cornelius's old job.

That way we can all dance

at Ermengarde's wedding.

That does it. You've gone too far. I'll dance

at no wedding. Besides, I don't know how.

- All right, I'll dance.

- Excuse me, Mr. Vandergelder.

- I said outside! Now get moving.

- Horace, what is going on around here?

Oh, nothing, I just thought I'd have

the shutters done over in forest green.

- Forest-green shutters?

- The paint's still good,

but that fellow's just set up

a business and needs a good start.

You see, Dolly, I've always felt that money,

pardon the expression, is like manure.

It's not worth a thing unless it's spread

around, encouraging young things to grow.

Thank you, Ephraim.

Hello, Dolly

Well, hello, Dolly

It's so nice to have you here

where you belong

I never knew, Dolly

Without you, Dolly

Life was awfully flat and,

more than that, was awfully wrong

Here's my hat, Horace

I'm stayin' where I'm at, Horace

Dolly'll never go away

Wonderful woman.

Again

Put on your Sunday clothes

when you feel down and out

Strut down the street

and have your picture took

Dressed like a dream

your spirits seem to turn about

That Sunday shine is a certain sign

That you feel as fine as you look

Take the someone whose arms you're in

Hold on to her tight and spin

And one, two, three. One, two, three.

One, two, three, look!

I held her

For an instant

But my arms felt sure and strong

It only takes a moment

To be loved a whole life long

Yes, it takes a woman

A dainty woman

A sweetheart, a mistress, a wife

Oh, yes, it takes a woman

A fragile woman

To bring you the sweet things in life

Well, well, hello, Dolly

Well, hello, Dolly

It's so nice to have you back

where you belong

You're lookin' swell, Dolly

We can tell, Dolly

You're still glowin', you're still crowin'

You're still goin' strong

Just see the crowd swayin'

While the band's playin'

One of your old favourite songs

from way back when

So

Wow, wow, wow, fellas

Look at the old girl now, fellas

Dolly'll never go away

Dolly'll never go away

Dolly'll never go away

Again

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