Hello, Dolly! Page #8

Without the shooting stars

Without the sound of bells

Without the violins

Love is wonderful

Enough

Good evening. Good evening.

Straighten up. Walk erect.

Pleasure. Good evening.

How nice to see you.

Psst! No expression. Let the food smile.

And how are you this evening?

Charming, charming.

You! You there!

Come up here at once.

Yes, you.

How dare you keep me

standing here this long?

As soon as Mr. Vandergelder arrives,

you will be seated, Miss Simple.

Now look here, garon.

My name is Rudolph. Rudolph Reisenweber.

And why, may I ask,

can I not wait at the table?

Please. Please.

Harmonia Gardens does not

consider it proper, a lady alone.

- Perhaps if you'll let me take your wrap.

- Ohh! Don't touch me.

Where?

- If you will excuse me.

- Certainly not.

Yes? What can I do for you?

How are ya, Adolf? How's my old friend?

- I am Rudolph.

- Oh, of course.

Rudolph.

We'd like a little something

to eat. You know?

In what name is the reservation, please?

- Reservation?

- I'm afraid there is nothing available.

- Come on, let's go.

- Do you know who he is?

This is Cornelius Hackl. The Cornelius Hackl.

- Tell him about the Rockefellers.

- The Rockefellers? I see.

Look, I know a little place up the block.

I think I have something. Yes, I think

I have something. Follow me, if you will.

Dining room number two.

- It is the last one. Very private.

- It is?

- Very exclusive.

- It is?

- Very fashionable.

- Don't say another word.

And very expensive.

That was the word.

- How beautiful!

- How elegant!

How much?

Cornelius, I thought you said

everyone knew you.

Oh, don't worry. They will after tonight.

- (whispers)

- She is? She is? I don't believe it!

Eight o'clock, table for two, and a chicken.

Mrs. Dolly Levi coming here

after such a long absence!

It is too happy to be true.

That's the message she told me to give you.

Who? Who are these people?

They look truthful.

If you're gonna spend all evening acting

like a scared rabbit, maybe I'll order lettuce.

Oh, how can you be so brave? It's unfair.

Just try to keep remembering

Mrs. Levi's advice.

I only wanted to marry you,

not perform in public.

- There's nobody here who knows us.

- Oh, Ambrose, are you sure?

Sweetheart, have I ever been wrong?

Sir?

- Vandergelder's the name.

- Yes, Mr. Vandergelder.

There's a Miss Ernestina Simple

supposed to be waiting.

Right there, Mr. Vandergelder.

No, you didn't understand what I said...

But perfectly. Mr. Vandergelder

is here, Miss Simple.

Yes, so I see.

- Oh, good evening, Miss Simple.

- I hope so, Mr. Vandergelder.

- All right, my good man.

- Fritz, private dining room number one.

- Follow me, if you will.

- You may take my arm.

And, unless you are suffering from

a head cold, kindly remove your hat.

Achtung!

I have an important announcement to make.

After an absence of several years, there will

return to the Harmonia Gardens tonight

the lady who always had

the happiest smile, the warmest heart,

and the largest appetite

in the city of New York.

- It's Dolly.

- Dolly?

- Dolly!

- (all) Dolly! Dolly! Dolly! Dolly! Dolly!

Attention!

It is therefore my order, as head waiter

of the Harmonia Gardens,

and your supreme commander,

that tonight of all nights our usual lightning

service will be twice as lightning as ever.

Or else!

Waiter, write this down. Mock turtle soup,

roast pheasant under glass.

- Pheasant?

- I'll have the same, and some champagne.

- Champagne?

- What would you like, sir?

Six months off for good behaviour?

What do you mean,

"oysters aren't in season"?

Anybody can have oysters in season.

I want them out of season.

They don't have any, Miss Simple.

Then tell 'em to go out and dig for some.

Oh!

- Hello again.

- Here we are.

- We thought something happened.

- Don't worry. It will.

(applause)

Barnaby, Irene, Minnie,

I feel so good about everything,

so good about this whole day,

that I am now going to become

an honest man and tell the truth.

Cornelius?

I'd forgotten what strange things

happen to men when they drink.

If I tell you the truth, will you let me

put my arm around your waist?

Good heavens! You can do that

even if you lie to me.

I've never touched a woman before.

You still haven't. That's my corset.

- You're a wonderful person, Irene.

- Thank you, Cornelius.

And that's why I have to tell you the truth.

If it'll make you feel better.

It's all those fancy things

that Mrs. Levi said about me.

Oh, yes.

Well, they're just not so.

Indeed?

Irene, I'm not rich.

Not rich?

I'm not any of the things

Mrs. Levi said I was.

And neither is Barnaby. We're not

sports, we don't know anybody.

We never come to New York.

We never do anything

except work for Mr. Vandergelder all day

and clean up the store at night.

And we wanted so much

to have one day of adventure,

that we ran away from Yonkers

and told a lot of lies.

Ah, well, look at us.

A pair of penniless pretenders.

But, Cornelius, I've known that all along.

You have?

Why else would you have hidden

in my cupboard and under my table?

And made us walk all over New York?

You're the nicest ladies

a man ever went to jail for.

Jail?

We don't have the money

to pay for this dinner.

Of course you don't. Minnie, show these

two sports what I've got in my purse.

What a pleasure to know that

selling all those silly hats

can pay for an evening

as delightful as this one.

I can't help myself.

Wow!

I...

No, no, Minnie, my white

handbag, not that one.

- My white handbag.

- When we changed for the evening.

Minnie...

Only my mad money...

a nickel for the horsecar.

Would you like your check now, sir?

(nervous laugh)

Take this away, my good man.

Bring us another bottle of champagne.

- What's this? What are you doing?

- It's eight o'clock. I really must be going.

Going? You haven't finished

your dinner yet, Miss Simple.

That's expensive.

If I had food like that every night,

I'd be out of business inside a year.

I suggest you have the waiter put it in a bag

and take it home to your horses and pigs.

I don't have pigs, Miss Simple,

I have chickens,

and I did not get them

by being extravagant.

I see no point in this trivial

discussion, Mr. Vandergelder,

nor in my remaining here any longer,

inasmuch as it is quite clear to me that

you are, if you forgive the expression,

- entirely unsuitable.

- Unsuitable?

Nevertheless, I will never say a word to

Mrs. Levi about this unfortunate evening.

And I suggest you do likewise

when she arrives here.

Wait a minute.

Did you say "arrives here"?

Yes, she planned to join us at eight.

You may say I left

because I felt sick to my stomach.

It's quite true, you know.

Good night.

Any man who goes to a big city

deserves what happens to him.

- He's all yours, honey.

- Good. Mr. Cassidy?

- Yes, Mrs. Levi?

- It's all right now. You can let me out.

Whoa.

- Mr. Reisenweber, come here! Hurry!

- How often have I told you not to shout?

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