Hello, Dolly! Page #7

in it, I'd play one of the pigs.

I came here for some privacy.

I owe you an apology and I didn't

want to let it go another minute.

You owe me the fee I gave you

for getting me tangled up

with that collector of men's hats.

Yes, Irene, she was

a disappointment, darling girl.

I'll have you know the confectioner

gave me back every cent for the peanuts.

I'm sorry. I never give cash refunds.

However, being a woman who believes

in giving service that's been paid for,

- I've arranged to make it up to you.

- Let me make one thing clear.

You have been discharged as my

marriage broker. I have no use for one.

From now on, you are just

a woman like anyone else.

- I am?

- And I'm just a man like anyone else,

and, like anyone else, I'll do what I can

to avoid the introductions you specialise in.

Well, I can understand your feelings,

and I am here today, marching beside you,

to assure you that there will be no further

need for my services after dinner tonight.

- Dinner?

- 7. 30 at the Harmonia Gardens.

It's all arranged.

Private room. She'll be waiting.

- Who? Who-who-who'll be waiting?

- Who-who-who'll be waiting?

The very rich,

very beautiful lady I referred to

when I saw you in Yonkers this morning.

The heiress to a fortune, remember?

(whistle blows)

I'm not interested. What's her name?

Uh... Ernestina.

I'm not interested. What's her last name?

Simple... uh, Simple. Ernestina Simple.

- Can she cook?

- Can she cook?

Frankly, I never understood why a girl

who could afford every servant around

makes all her own meals,

on a solid gold stove.

- She's a fool. I'm not interested in fools.

- Neither am I. Good day.

- Good day.

- Don't forget. 7. 30, Harmonia Gardens.

And rent some evening clothes. She's fussy.

Dolly Levi, you are

a damned exasperating woman!

Why, Horace Vandergelder, that is

the nicest thing you have ever said to me.

When the parade passes by

Listen and hear

that brass harmony growing

When the parade passes by

Pardon me if my old spirit is showing

All of those lights over there

Seem to be telling me where I'm going

When the whistles blow

And the cymbals crash

And the sparklers light the sky

I'm gonna raise the roof

I'm gonna carry on

Give me an old trombone

Give me an old baton

Before the parade

Passes by

("Before the Parade Passes By"

instrumental)

("Put On Your Sunday Clothes"

instrumental)

Cornelius, are you sure

they're just changing their clothes?

- Don't worry, they'll be here.

- I get dressed in less than three minutes.

- Women wear more.

- They do?

Underneath.

Cornelius, maybe we should

leave while there's time.

- Never.

- We've seen everything.

The parade, the Statue of Liberty,

the stuffed whale at Barnum's museum.

- I could die a happy man now.

- It'll be worth it, no matter what happens.

The worst anybody can do is put us in jail.

But as long as we live we'll never forget

the night we took Irene Molloy and

Minnie Fay to dinner at Harmonia Gardens,

- on less than a dollar.

- Cornelius, wake up.

And there's another reason

we can't go back.

One more thing we promised to do

before we go and turn into

a couple of Vandergelders.

Cornelius! You're not thinking

of kissing Miss Molloy?

- Maybe.

- She'll scream.

Barnaby, you don't know

anything about women.

- Only that we can't afford 'em.

- You should know that everyone except us

goes through life

kissing right and left all the time.

They do?

Yes.

I often wondered about that.

(both gasp)

- Smile, Barnaby.

- I'm smiling.

- Look rich and gay and charming.

- I'm looking gay and charming.

Hello.

- Here we are.

- Hello.

Cornelius.

Haa... I'm pleased to meet you, Miss Molloy.

No last names. After all we've been through

together this afternoon,

it's Irene and Minnie.

Irene.

- Ohh...

- Ohhh...

- Does that count, Cornelius?

- I don't think so.

Count?

You see, we were counting here,

while we were waiting.

I hear all rich people do nothing

but count their money.

I'm so hungry. Why don't we go in here

and have some hors d'oeuvres first?

- No, no, no.

- It's very fashionable.

- It would spoil our appetites.

- Or we could have an apritif.

It's out of the question. Barnaby and I

don't agree with that sort of thing.

- But all those people do.

- Well, they simply don't know that a...

...a... pritif is no longer considered elegant.

- Oh, it isn't?

- Hasn't been for years.

In that case, it's on to Harmonia

Gardens for dinner. Call a hack.

- Hack?

- All my life I've wanted to ride in a hack.

- Oh, there's one. Yoo-hoo!

- No, no. We can't do that.

I mean, it isn't the money or anything

it's just that, nowadays, really

elegant people never take hacks.

- Hacks is out.

- They all go by streetcar.

Then, by all means, we go by streetcar.

I've been elegant all my life

and I never knew it.

Of course, if you really want

to be really elegant...

- Oh, we do.

- We do.

You'll walk.

Yes, New York

It's really us:
Barnaby and Cornelius

All the guests of Mr. Hackl

are feeling great and look spectacular

What a knack

There is to that acting like a born aristocrat

We got elegance

If you ain't got elegance

You can never, ever carry it off

All who are well-bred agree

Minnie Fay has pedigree

Exercise your wildest whims tonight

We are out with Diamond Jims tonight

Could they be misleading us?

Silver spoons were used for feeding us

We got elegance

If you ain't got elegance

You can never, ever carry it off

(dog barks)

Snobs that slobs

Throw roses at. We look down

Our noses at

Pity all the other girls around

When I swing my perfect pearls around

Snubbing folks is chic to us

Sometimes we don't even speak to us

If you ain't got elegance

You can never, ever carry it off

If you please.

Middle class don't speak of it

Savoir-faire, we reek of it

Some were born with rags and patches

But we use dollar bills for matches and

Vanderbilt kowtows to us

JP Morgan scrapes and bows to us

We got elegance

We were born with elegance

I behave like Walter Raleigh

When the streets are full of mud

And the bluest huckleberry

Isn't bluer than my blood

Have you noticed when I hold my cup

The saucer never moves

And the way I keep my pinkie up

Indubitably proves that

We got elegance

We got built-in elegance

And with elegance

Elegance, elegance, elegance

Elegance

We'll carry it off

Horace, Horace Vandergelder

Mrs. Horace Vandergelder

Just leave everything to me

Though it won't be like the first time

How can it be like the first time?

But why does it have to be?

Don't look for shooting stars

For love is only love

You touch, and still you touch the ground

Don't listen for those bells

For love is only love

And if it's love you've found

Your heart won't hear a sound

And when you hold his hand

You only hold his hand

The violins are all a bluff

But if you're really wise

The silence of his eyes

Will tell you love is only love

And it's wonderful enough

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