Hello, My Name Is Doris Page #7

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Big buckler.

Let's give thanks for our families.

Those of us who are here

and those of us who are gone forever.

We miss you, Melvin.

And those of us who are in prison, we

hope that the food there does not suck.

And let's give thanks for friends

who are here instead of someplace else.

Friends who have not

abandoned us.

Friends who have not betrayed us

in our hour of need...

...and run off with some hot piece

of whatever.

And let's eat some turkey.

- Let's.

- Yeah.

Hey, pretty lady.

You know, I'm really excited

to chat with you tonight.

Thanks.

If everybody could listen up

for a second....

Fiona made the turkey tonight.

I got dibs on the drumstick.

The drumstick's mine.

You know this has been

a really difficult time for me.

I wanted to say how thankful I am

for each and every one of you.

You guys are the stuff of life.

- I'm nothing without you.

- Aw....

- To my awesome friends.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- Eye contact. Eye contact.

Salud, yes.

They say Miss Sheehan fell...

...but everyone knows

she's got a drinking problem.

So we've had this sub

for like three weeks.

And his name is Mr. Durphy...

...but everyone calls him Dorky Durphy

because he's super weird. Anyways....

I ride the thing for 15 minutes

before I realize it wasn't my horse.

It wasn't my horse.

Ha, ha, ha!

"Western wolf...

...night sky.

Our naked bodies

twitching under cover of darkness.

Thread count...

- ...unknown."

- That was brilliant.

I just feel like my work

has changed so much since....

Who wants mint chocolate chip

flavored alcohol? Just 10 calories.

- We should play Never Have I Ever.

- Oh, yes.

- All right?

- What is that?

- It's a drinking game, Doris.

- Okay.

You say the phrase "never have I ever"

and then something crazy...

...and anybody that's done it

has to drink.

Here, I'll start. Never have I ever...

...participated in an orgy.

- All right, jump right in, huh?

- Who's gonna drink?

Anybody?

Nice.

- My first semester at Oberlin.

- Don't apologize.

Oh, really? At your age?

- Doris?

- What?

- You go now.

- Oh, all right.

Say "never have I ever"

and then something crazy.

Okay.

Never have I ever...

...gone to work with my underwear

inside out on purpose. Whoo!

- Okay.

- Bad idea.

You're not alone, Doris.

- Talk about a bad idea.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Well, never have I ever had sex

with my psychiatrist in high school.

- Wow.

- I was a cutter.

Everybody grows out of that.

Great, great.

I can't get through to her.

- Who?

- Doris.

- Don't be so hard on her.

- It's like somebody...

...stole my friend and replaced her

with a wild animal...

...who stays up all night...

...and sleeps all day

and wears too much makeup...

...and runs around

with other wild animals.

Let her be, Roz. Just let her be.

Let her live her life.

Besides, she's just a kid.

Drag and drop

Don't stop, hit the box

Hit repeat until the speaker pops

Dance to the music

All night, keep that snare

Drum the bass, drum your bass

Hit repeat until the party rocks

Play that funky music

Don't stop, hit the box

Dance to the music

Click, drag and drop

Play that funky music

Don't stop, hit the box

John, I would like to talk to you

for a minute, in the bedroom.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- I'll be there in a few minutes, okay?

- Okay.

Don't stop, hit the box

Repeat until the speaker pops

Until the party drops

Oh....

Hey, you wanted to talk?

Heh.

It's been fun tonight, right?

- Yes.

- What's up?

John...

...from the first moment

we met in the elevator...

...your first day in the office...

...I felt this energy between us.

In the beginning,

I thought we were just friends...

...because girls like you aren't

usually interested in boys like me.

- Doris.

- You know what I mean.

You know what I mean.

You know what I mean.

And then I realized

you were with Brooklyn and I....

- Can I just say some...?

- No.

Then you broke up...

...and I felt really bad about writing...

...that silly comment

on your Facebook thing...

...but then you asked me

if I would ever date a younger man...

...and I....

I knew you felt the same way...

...and I... I just like you, John.

John.

No.

Doris, no.

- Doris, I can't.

- What? You....

And what is that about

the Facebook page?

What, did you post something

on my Facebook page?

- I did. I'm sorry.

- That was you?

That was me. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know.

- I liked Brooklyn. What are you...?

- I don't understand.

- Why did you do this?

- I don't understand.

Why did you say that to me? Why did

you say, would I date a younger man?

I don't understand. Why did you say that

to me if you didn't feel anything at all?

I wasn't talking about me, Doris.

I was talking about my Uncle Frank.

He's like 56 years old or something.

I don't know.

Hi. Is everything okay in here?

Yeah, everything....

- Everything's fine.

- Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Oh, my God. Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Let the water wash over

You

If this is nowhere, then let us be

Nowhere

If I'm underwater

Then let this be love

Lick the salt

From my fingers

Covet me

Like a neighbor

Here, you're my witness

Still we are strangers

Are we just strangers?

I call it love

Thin my blood

In the water

Take my bones

I came as soon as I could.

Roz.

- Oh, honey.

- I'm such a fool.

Oh, don't, don't. Don't do that.

What happened?

No one even ate my pie.

- Oh, honey, what?

- Yeah.

Are you hungry? I brought leftovers.

Come on, let's sit down

and I'll make some coffee.

- How was the dinner?

- Not the best.

- What time did everybody leave?

- We missed you.

All right, just coffee, just black?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

I'm just a joke to him. I'm a joke

to everyone. What is the matter with me?

Nothing is the matter with you.

You got carried away, that's all.

Love makes people do crazy things.

Look at it this way.

At least you didn't lose an ear.

You know, like that...

The painter, what's-his-name.

- Vincent van Gogh?

- Him, yes.

- You know the worst thing?

- What?

- I don't have anything to look forward to.

- That's not true.

You have two kinds of stuffing.

You have real cranberry sauce.

You have enough turkey there

to feed New Jersey.

- What?

- Oh, my Roz.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm so sorry I missed our Thanksgiving.

It's our tradition.

No. We're having it now.

Yeah.

- Hello?

- Dr. Edwards?

This is Doris, Doris Miller.

- Oh, hello, Doris.

- Hello.

Oh, lovely daughter

I've mistaken for a son

Rest your head upon my shoulder

At once

Tell me all the world

You found troublesome

You're my particles

And sweet electrons

Oh, hungry father

I have chosen

To be nourished and unspoken

Unto you I leave this talisman

Unresolved, though not unbroken

Since I've been home

Since I've been home

God, what have I

Become

All are gone

Prodigal

Where is home?

My dear heart

Gonna miss you, Doris.

Yeah.

We were talking about how much

we'll miss you. Right, Robert?

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