Hello, My Name Is Frank Page #4

the Christian thing to do?

To help others in need?

Ah, not if he chops us

to pieces.

( Frank grunts )

Hey!

Do you want a ride?

Frank:
Jeffrey Dahmer!

Jeffrey Dahmer!

( Barks )

There is no way I'm letting

him get in this car.

What the f***, Kim?

He could be your future husband

for all you know.

Now, you'll never know.

I am not meeting

my future husband

on the side of the road.

Actually, that's how I met

Laura's mom.

- No, you didn't.

- Sure did.

Well, I met her at a bus stop.

She was still a nurse

at the time.

( Chuckles )

She was wearing

this bubblegum pink cotton

nurse's uniform.

She had her hair up in a bun,

and she had on these

spotless white shoes.

Ah, she looked like an angel.

So, you hit on her?

She sat next to me on the bus,

and we got to talking

and, well,

that was after

I hit her in the face.

So, I guess in a way,

I did hit on her.

( All laughing )

It was like god

just put her at that bus stop.

See, Kim?

Sometimes it's good to step out

of your comfort zone

and live a little.

Well, that was an exception.

Haven't you ever heard

of the expression

"you play with fire,

and you will get burned"?

Haven't you heard the expression

"you better use it

before it gets old"?

Whatever.

"To each your own."

Laura, ( Clears throat )

You're not hungry?

I'm just curious, frank.

Why do you always bite

that key ring?

Is it because of the tourettes?

Oh, my god. Kim, is having tact

anti-Christian or something?

Frank doesn't mind.

Do you?

I just have

never known anybody

with tourettes,

and I have a lot of questions.

And Laura's never

let us spend this much time

with frank before.

I... I'm worse around people.

You mean your tourettes is?

I mean, you aren't

your tourettes, right?

I read somewhere that it's like

this evil twin

that comes out

when you least expect it.

Like, you just can't control

what it says or does.

I can relate to that.

I just think it's really cool

that you can swear like a sailor

and never get in trouble for it.

( Laughs )

Well, I... I wouldn't

say never.

Can I hear what you're like

without the key ring just...

Just once?

He needs a trigger.

Shut up, you little b*tch.

F*** you, cocksucker.

- Damn it!

- ( Laura laughs )

Oh.

God damn, f***ing a**hole,

cocksucking,

crazy b*tch picnic...

( Barking )

Hey!

That is no way to address

teenage girls.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself

with that mouth.

( Frank grunts )

- ( Gasps ) You...

- Laura:
Whoa!

B*tch picnic, b*tch picnic,

b*tch picnic.

Stop it right now!

This is a public place

with children present!

Stop it!

He can't help it!

( Yelling, barks )

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know

you were afflicted.

But you really

shouldn't be in a public place

with kids present.

And you need to learn

how to pick on someone

your own size.

It was a mistake.

D*ckhead.

Sorry.

I have tourettes, too.

A**hole.

Sorry. Me, too.

What she said.

I have a right

to protect my children

from being exposed to profanity.

I have that right.

( Sighs ) We'd better get

the hell out of here.

- ( Sighs )

- Oh, my god,

that was like,

the best lunch ever.

- You were awesome, frank.

- I was?

- Totally.

- ( Groans )

You had some really

good digs at him.

You gotta teach me

some of your moves.

( Laughs )

I think... I think

I just had my first fight.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Give me some five.

- ( Chuckles )

- You shouldn't be afraid

of a little danger now and then.

Oh, I... I'm not thirsty.

- Thanks.

- No. No, it's for your eye.

- Ah.

- ( Alisa chuckles )

Whoo!

All right, let's go.

- We bad.

- Oh, yeah.

( Laughing )

( Music playing )

Do you know Laura's plans

for after we get back?

She got a volleyball scholarship

to my college,

but lately she said

she's not going.

Ah, I don't know

what her plans are,

but, heh, she's going.

Good.

It's a little selfish of me,

but I was kind of afraid

I'd have to go alone.

It's a private

religious college,

did you know?

Well, they've got a lot

of secular majors for Laura

to choose from,

but, my future's

already been decided.

I'll be taking religion classes,

so I can be a teacher

in one of my church's schools.

I think I'll be good at it.

I hope I like it.

How do you think people know

what they're supposed

to do with their lives?

I mean, school doesn't

teach you that.

Mm. I... I...

I wouldn't know.

I...

I... I've never had a job.

And I... I...

I live off disability

and a trust fund

from my parents.

What would you do

if your parents wanted you

to do one thing...

But in your heart,

you really wanted to do

something else?

Do you think

that voice in my heart is god?

You got me.

I'm currently not

on speaking terms with god.

Because of Cathy?

Is she okay?

Laura, I mean.

There's just been so much,

I mean,

with graduation and her mom,

but...

Even before then,

she seemed kind of...

Forever sad ever since...

Stacy died.

I... I... I wouldn't know.

Little b*tch.

( Grunting )

( Clears throat )

Wha... what's okay?

She doesn't cry, a lot.

Is... is that okay?

I can't imagine

what it must be like.

It's scary enough going off into

college out into the real world.

I... I don't know

what I would do

if I didn't have my mom

to talk to about it,

even if we don't always agree.

At least her mom's

not hurting anymore.

She's in heaven.

Watching out for Laura...

For all of us.

You believe that,

don't you, frank?

I... I... I don't know

what I believe.

Sometimes I've wondered

about it, you know?

How do you know

that the people who taught you

to believe it...

Were right

to believe it themselves?

I love this song.

( Music playing )

Things'll get better

when it's Easter

are you still sick?

Are you still sick?

People will be happy if I go

I won't go out again

Bonnie, don't you

worry about me, so

I've never been free,

no, not really

Bonnie, don't you

worry about me, though

I've never been free enough

why would you

mess with my head?

Cuss and then repeat

what I said

and I carry a machine gun

just to fix what you want

no, don't you carry

your machine gun

just to spit

what you want.

( grunting )

I have a name tag in my hair.

Cool.

- ( Laughing )

- ( Music playing )

Alisa:

Ow! Kim.

( Mixed chatter )

All right.

My kind of motel.

So much for sleeping tonight.

- Laura?

- Yeah.

( Clears throat )

I... I... I lost my key ring.

- What?

- Yeah.

How?

Well, when we were, you know...

Ugh, forget it...

Forget it, frank.

Oh, wait.

You know, I'm gonna wait here.

- So, here.

- Thank you.

- Can you guys?

- Oh, yeah.

( Mixed background chatter,

music playing )

You say he's your grandfather?

Yep.

You got different last names.

- Uh-huh.

- You adopted?

Something like that.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I hope you don't mind

a little noise.

The owner son's having a...

His graduation party.

That little bastard's

ruining the place.

No, we don't...

We don't mind the noise.

( Frank barking )

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