Here Come the Co-eds Page #4

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What do you mean

you wish you had a couple?

I said...

- I got a joke.

- You've got a joke?

- A brand new one I wrote myself.

- Where did you get it?

I wrote it.

Aw, stop.

- Yes, I did, Slats. I did.

- You wrote a joke?

It's brand new. I'd like to tell

it to the girls. They'll like it.

- Is it brand new?

- Maybe they can use it.

- That's a good idea.

- The only thing is...

I tell this one by myself.

I don't need you.

That's all right.

But you say it's brand new?

- Yeah.

- Nobody's ever heard it?

No, and I tell the story

while you keep your mouth shut.

It's about a whale,

a ship, and Jonah.

- And it's brand new?

- Very brand new story, yeah.

Now once upon a time,

there was a whale.

- What kind a whale?

- And this whale was...

What kind of a whale?

- A plain everyday whale.

- A wh... all right, I'm sorry.

How do I know

what kind a whale?!

What do you think I do,

go around with whales or something?

- Don't try and make a fool out of me in front of the girls.

- Go ahead.

- A plain, everyday whale, that's all!

- So it was a whale.

- How do I know what kind of whale?

- All right.

- The whale was in the ocean, he was...

- What ocean?

- Wait a minute, I mean...

- Go on, pick out an ocean. Go ahead.

- That's immaterial to me.

- All right, The Immaterial Ocean.

Aw, come on.

The whale was in the ocean

and minding his own business.

- But he was followin' a ship.

- What ship?

- And this ship is...

- What ship?

- A ship that swims in the water.

- You mean a swim ship?

Yeah.

Oh.

The whale was followin'

the swim ship because he...

who ever heard of

a swim ship?

I asked you to keep

your mouth shut, didn't I?

- You're telling the story.

- You're getting me mad!

Wait a minute.

When do we laugh at this thing?

They're laughing before they're

supposed to. Don't laugh now.

- I didn't say nothin' yet.

- Go ahead, let's hear it.

The whale, she was hungry, and

Jonah was the captain of the boat.

He didn't want

the whale to capsize the boat.

- What?

- To capsize the boat.

- Capsize?

- Because, yeah, he didn't...

- You know what that means?

- I don't put words like that in stories

if I don't know what they are. He didn't

want the whale to capsize the boat.

- What does it mean?

- Capsize?

- Capsize.

- That's a big word.

Well, what does it mean?

You know what it means.

- Sure. That's a...

- What does it mean? What does capsize mean?

- It's a nice word.

- What does it mean?

Capsize?

Capsize.

- It's six and seven-eighths, seven

and a quarter... - All right, go ahead.

He didn't want the whale

to six and seven-eighths the boat...

- All right, go ahead.

- See?

Captain Jonah was captain, and he

was afraid of throwing passengers,

so he figured the only thing

he could do was throw over

the barrel of...

the whale a barrel of apples.

- What kind of apples?

- And...

- What kind of apples?

- Apples that grow on a tree.

- There's all kinds of apples...

Baldwin apples, there's... - Crab-apples!

- Tell the girls that. - So he threw

him over a barrel of crab-apples!

- Take it easy, take it easy.

- He's got me mad at you kids now.

After the whale ate, the whale

was still hungry and Jonah figured

he'd throw the whale over a stool.

What kind of a stool?

- Who said that?

- I did. In case you asked me.

He threw him over

a three-legged camp-stool.

The whale ate the apples

and the stool and was still hungry.

His appetite had not been appeased.

Don't ask me what that is.

- I don't know.

- I won't ask. Go ahead.

After the whale ate the apples and

stool, the whale was still hungry,

and Captain Jonah figured the only

way to save his passengers and boat

is to sacrifice himself.

And he did.

He threw a beautiful jackknife dive

into the mouth of the whale.

The whale ate Captain Jonah and the

apples and the stool and then swam away.

- Three years later they caught that very same whale...

- Listen, Oliver...

...they cut him open and what

do you think they found?

Oliver, wait a moment.

Not now. Not now.

He says something

and then I tell you the funny joke.

Wait a minute, Oliver,

just a minute.

You're not coming up here this

afternoon in front of these girls,

and try to give them

for their little play

a joke... an old wheeze... about

the time they caught the whale,

and they cut him open and there

they found Jonah seated on that stool

selling those apples

three for a nickel, are you?

Wait a minute.

That's not the story you...

no, no, no. No, I'm

sorry, it couldn't be that,

because, that's right, he promised

us it was a brand new joke.

He wrote it himself,

so it couldn't be that.

because every schoolboy

knows that joke.

I'm sorry, I interrupted.

Go ahead.

You tell the girls what they

found when they cut the whale open.

Now, wait a minute, please.

Give Oliver a chance...

after all, he wrote this himself.

If you girls can use it

in the play, go right ahead.

Go ahead.

Tell the girls what they found

when they cut the whale open.

Don't laugh, girls.

He'll blame me for this.

I thought it was

a build-up to that old joke,

but every little schoolboy knows

that. He wouldn't tell that.

He wouldn't dare tell that one. Go

ahead. You know the answer, don't you?

Huh?

What's the matter,

don't you feel good, hmm?

Well, you go ahead

and tell the joke

and then we'll go inside

and clean the other room.

Go ahead. No, no, here.

Tell it right here.

Oliver... look, Oliver...

hey, Oliver...

Oliver, is something wrong?

- Now, come on, Oliver,

I didn't mean any harm.

Oliver! Was that the joke you

wanted to tell these girls, hmm?

Boys! Boys, here's

a note from Molly!

A note? What is this?

Hey, get a load of this...

"Dear Slats and Oliver,

am leaving Bixby.

If you're ready to leave too, meet

me at the front gate at 8:00 tonight.

- "Signed, Molly. "

- She can't leave.

Wait a minute, if she's leaving,

she must have a good reason.

And I'm going with her!

I'm going with you, too.

Oliver, aren't you

gonna kiss me goodbye?

Yes, Patty.

Patty, the time has come

to say goodbye.

Patty, the time has come

to say goodbye.

- Patty, the time has come...

- You just said that.

You shut up. Goodbye.

I feel just like Donald O'Connor!

Let's play house

Let's play mister

and missus

My main reason

for this is

There'll be chances

for plenty of kisses

Let's play house

Let's play games

I think that would

be chummy

Golf, or maybe gin rummy

Let's play bridge

and we'll both be the dummy

Let's play games

Let's quote

from Mother Goose

And we'll find

rhymes that fit

Like Mary had

a little lamb

And darling, you are it

Oh, let's play house

I'll bring flowers and "con-dy"

I think that would be "don-dy"

Guys like me

sure come in mighty "hon-dy"

Let's play house

Let's play show

Let's not act too suburban

I look well in a turban

- I'll be Boyer

- And I'll be Miss Durbin

Meet me by the gas pipe

Let's play school

Let's start out

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