Here Comes the Groom Page #11

put on the pressure and you pull.

Thattagirl! Give it to him.

Give it to him! Twist it. Twist it!

- Uncle!

- Twist it off and beat his head with it!

- Where's the ref? Where's the ref?

- Twist it. Ah, there's no referee.

- This is for keeps. Twist it! Twist it!

- Hey, now. No!

Give it to him!

I beg your pardon.

- Cousin Winifred.

- Cousin Wilbur.

We were working out a few holds.

We open Friday.

Winnie, wait a minute.

Where you going?

She's a potential killer.

She could wrestle in the big time.

- Killer?

- Sure. Show him.

Now, you're not afraid of anything

anymore, nothing in the whole world.

Show how relaxed and loose

and you are.

- Shake him up a little.

- Well, first,

- you shake him up a little, loosen him.

- Make the joints...

Because, you see,

all us Stanleys are afraid.

Loosen up, relax and have laughs,

don't you understand?

- Cousin Winifred, what...?

- Don't call me Cousin Winifred!

I'm only your fourth cousin,

twice removed.

Why, we're hardly even related.

In the deep South,

you'd be kissing cousins.

Yeah, kissing cousins.

- Go ahead, put the headlock on.

- All right.

- Look at that. That's wonderful.

- That's beautiful.

George. "Poing"!

Wilbur.

Oh, Mr. Cusick!

Are you hurt any?

I'm not hurt, but I could've

broken my glasses!

- I'm glad you didn't.

- Who is she?

Oh, that's a sleepwalker.

She just woke up.

Say, Mr. Stanley is here. Ix-nay in

front of Anley-stay, you know?

What? Oh, hello,

Mr. Stan...

Ix-nay in front of Arvey-gay.

- What he mean by that?

- I don't know.

- I just dropped in...

- Wanna come in and rest?

No, I don't! I just dropped

by to check the address

and remind you Saturday

is the deadline.

- I know, we're fine.

- Yeah, I'm glad to hear that it is.

- We'll be by here Saturday morning,

- Yes.

With a matron, to leave the children

if you're married, or pick them up.

- Understood.

- I don't have to warn you

not to remove the children

from the premises.

You do, it's a federal offense.

The FBI takes over.

- I understand.

- I could have broken...

- Let me see.

- I think I did, I broke my upper plate!

- I broke the upper plate!

- Let me see.

- No, I don't want...

- That old snag.

That old snag wasn't doing you

any good. Have it pulled today.

Novocaine's on me. OK.

- So you lose the kids unless...

- Stick them up!

Quiet. Here they come.

Here they are. Hi, Bobby.

- When do we eat?

- When do we eat?

That's all I hear.

What do you want to eat?

- What'? Que! manger'?

- Em and heggs.

- What?

- Em and heggs.

Em and heggs?

Oh, it's a good thing you said that.

Go on out and get it ready.

I'll be right out, huh? Go ahead.

Hey, come back.

Merci beaucoup.

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

Nobody's gonna take those kids

from me, George. Nobody.

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

Tell 'em I'll be there

When the party's getting a glow on

And singing fills the air

- What're you doing?

- Three orphans in search of a mother.

I gotta get back

to the office, Pete.

Those wisenheimers will wonder

what I've been doing all day.

In the shank of the night

When the doings are right

Well, you can tell 'em I'll be there

Well, you can tell 'em we'll be there

- Good afternoon, Cousin Winifred.

- Hi, Em.

- What do you hear from the mob?

- Well, really, Winifred, your language.

Well, Lady La-di-da.

Your language, not my language.

I think we'd better go down

for rehearsal.

What'd you do?

Shed your skin or something?

Yeah. I'm growing a new one.

Jones skin.

You'll make it.

You've got a snake teaching you.

A very nice snake too.

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

Tell him I'll be there

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

Be a Jones and you'll get somewhere

When the party's getting a glow on

And whistles fill the air

If there are plenty of men

And they need a new yen

You can tell 'em I'll be there

Cousin Emmy.

Cousin Winnie.

Oh, promise me that someday

You and I

Pardon me, but your promise

is a little flat.

To think of it,

your promises were always flat.

I don't care if they're flat or sharp,

as long as you sing at my wedding.

- It was my idea, you know.

- What's this guy got, anyway?

- What guy?

- It's not money,

Winifred's got as much money

as he has.

Pretty rough jolt, the only girls

in the world I wanted to marry

and they're both, both of them,

in love with Wilbur Stanley.

Oh, and you used to

be such a good reporter.

- Now you sound like a journalist.

- You know?

- You won't cloud my sky.

- You should see

the way he looks at her

when you're not watching.

- Everyone's talking.

- Really? Oh, really.

- Everyone's talking.

- Really? Oh, really.

I understand that she'll live with you

after the wedding.

- Yes, she is. What about it?

- Oh, that should be real, real jolly.

I just can't picture my Emmy

the member of a harem, that's all.

It's not my business.

You're leaving my life.

- I certainly am!

- I feel obligated to tell you

you're being made a chump of.

- Well, that's decent of you.

- You know something else?

- They are kissing cousins.

- Bride!

- Who?

- Four times removed.

Very delicate situation, huh?

- Bride, please!

- Watch it. Keep a sharp eye.

All right, friends.

The rehearsal is about to begin.

Let us organize ourselves.

This is it.

All right, Stanleys,

if you'll take your places

down front, on the right, please.

Thank you.

Now the bride's father, please.

- Friends, where is the bride's father?

- Here, here.

- This is your father?

- Yes, any objections?

Let's get on with this, Mr. Lilley.

- Now, you come down the aisle left.

- Now?

- Now. How do you feel?

- I'm fine, but...

- Suppose I can't make her wrestle?

- She'll wrestle. Do what I told you.

- To us.

- Don't forget the headlock,

the hammerlock and then

the crusher with the toehold.

- Good luck to you, kid.

- OK.

No tears at rehearsal.

If you will stand right on the left.

- Don't shove!

- Oh, this is bad luck.

- Didn't you know that?

- What's bad luck?

For the bride to take part

in a rehearsal.

That's just an old wives' tale,

a superstition.

- Come on, Pa.

- But if that's the way you want it.

Now, that doesn't mean

you can relax.

I want you to observe everything we do

and do it exactly as she does it.

I'll take you to your place. Down here

with your mother, please. On the left.

I'm about to show Wilbur

the other half of Emmy.

- If it works, I'm a duck-billed platypus.

- You'll be at the zoo.

And I'll be here to catch her

when he throws her out.

You won't be needing this thing.

This is a wedding, not a grunion run.

And bride, modest, please!

All right,

"The Wedding March", please.

- Watch this, George.

- Now.

One and two and...

Bride! Bride!

You're doing it...

Stop it! Stop that music!

Walk it, Winnie! Yeah!

Please, don't whistle! Don't whistle!

I can't do another thing if you whistle!

For goodness' sake, stop!

We have to do it over!

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