Hit by Lightning Page #8

It was all my fault.

Just please don't hurt him...

Hey, hey, can you please just

shut the f*** up, honey?

I'm trying to converse with our

dinner guest.

Don't swear at her.

How chivalrous, Ricky.

You know, I'm surprised you're

still single.

You're a real catch.

Look, why don't you just let her

go?

You, you don't even love her.

Wow. That is just so impressive.

You know exactly what's in my

heart.

You don't have a heart.

Now you see, that one hurt.

Ben, please, please no, please

no.

I'll stay with you, I'll do

anything you want...

I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!

Whoa, hey!

Don't ever do that again,

wife-killer.

Now, now Ricky, that was never

proven.

And it never will be.

Oh, come on.

We both know a little

restaurant manager like you

doesn't have the guts to pull

that trigger.

Y...Yes, Yes... I... do.

That might have sounded more

persuasive

without the stammering.

You know, this has been hard,

Ricky, you know,

really hard, going through this

farce.

Eating with you, being friendly

to you,

reading your book.

Yeah, I think that was the

hardest part.

Reading your book.

Yeah. It wasn't easy to pretend

that crap was good.

I mean it was just awful, poorly

written, run-on sentences,

a clumsy attempt at suspense and

wit, terrible pacing...

He's... dead.

Holy sh*t!

You did it, dog.

Pound it.

Hi, Danita. How's it going?

Um... okay. Thanks for helping

Seth.

No problem...

He's still alive!

No Sorry. False alarm.

Hah that's just the wind.

He's still dead.

Okay, you better go home.

You sure I can't help you dump

the body?

Oh honey, that is so sweet, but

everything has to look normal.

You have to show everybody

you're home.

Answer every phone call, turn on

a bunch of lights...

- I love you.

- I love you.

I love you more.

I love you more, plus eight.

Don't, don't drive so fast.

You're serious? You just killed

a guy.

You worried about a speeding

ticket?

I don't want a cop to stop us,

idiot!

Right, right, right.

I'm sorry, I'm nervous, why am I

so nervous?

There's a dead body in the trunk

and you're an accountant.

You work at Debby's, that's not

that much more macho.

No, I didn't mean it as a dig.

Of course you didn't.

That's not a good dig.

I'm so nervous!

Okay... "Plan A." We dump him in

the ocean.

Won't we need to rent a boat or

something?

We can't just place him in the

shallow end.

And you're not that great of a

swimmer.

I'm, I'm not that bad. I'm not

that bad.

C'mon, you never even go in the

deep end.

I was accidentally dropped in a

pool by my mother

when I was a baby. It was very

traumatic.

I know, I know I'm sorry.

Ah crap, it's almost midnight.

We wouldn't even be able to rent

a boat if we wanted to.

See... I got it, I got it.

We'll dump him off a cliff!

Becau.. no we can't right,

because you have a fear of heights...

condominium when I was little.

Oh...

Sorry to put this murdering scum

beside you, Mr. Dead Movie Star.

Hey... Hey... Hey!

Oh, sorry, sorry... what is it?

You okay, man? Sh*t, man.

You've been like in your own

world the last two weeks.

No, no, I'm fine. What is it?

That guy over there wants to

talk to you.

Jesus!

Wha, what does he want?

I don't know, man. He said he

wants to talk to you.

Okay, thanks.

Hello, Officer. Uh, you, wanted

to talk to me?

You Ricky Miller?

Yeah, yeah.

I got something I got to ask

you.

Okay...

You know this woman?

No.

Oh, oh. Oh wait... I do, I do.

That's a... this is, this is my

Aunt Toby.

I knew it. Me and you are

related, man.

Yeah! Toby Miller, she my aunt.

She once mentioned she had a

nephew who manages a Debby's.

But I'm really big into that

'family tree' kind of thing...

No, no, it's, it is not dumb at

all, it is,

it is great that you care about

family trees.

I mean it's, it's f***ing

fantastic.

Hi, honey. I'm home.

Ricky...

I've missed you so much.

It's been so hard not even being

able to text you.

I know, I know. But we have to

be careful.

That's why it was so smart to

meet here.

No one would expect to find a

Jew in here.

You're Jewish?

No. I thought you were.

You know, cause you're married

to the...

He was a rabbi who liked shiksas

and he also ate pork.

The police have been questioning

me.

I think they always suspect the

spouse first.

At least they do on "48 Hours"

and "American Justice."

Wait, you watch those shows

too?!

Oh, those are my two favorite

shows on TV!

Wait, have you ever seen "True

Crime with Aphrodite Jones?"

Shut up! I love that.

It is bat-sh*t crazy how much we

have in common.

I love you so much, baby.

I love you more plus... wait

what are we at?

Nineteen.

Nineteen. Twenty.

Sooooo, what do you think?

I don't know...

I'm getting married on Saturday.

I want to look dapper.

Which one?

Oh Sorry. That one!

Yeah, yeah I thought so too,

it's definitely the better...

less blue... good..hey, where's

Danita?

I've been trying to get hold of

her

to invite her to the wedding-

You can't invite her!

I have to invite her. She's your

girlfriend.

Are you insane? We can't be seen

together.

Alright, alright, relax,

I couldn't get a hold of her

anyway.

She probably changed her number

and

then I went by her house and her

neighbor said

she saw her leaving with a bunch

of suitcases.

Where was she going, man?

Oh Sh*t, you knew, you knew

that, right?

Hey guys...

Hey... Ricky.

There he is huh?

It's Saturday night and you are

gonna dooooo it.

Time for you to get paid and

laid and

find yourself a soulmate, huh?

No... I already got hit by

lightning and found a soulmate.

Now it's time for me to get

killed by a terrorist.

Oh C'mon Ricky, you'll meet

someone else.

Look, it took me over forty

years to find the first one.

Now it'll take at least that,

and by then I'll be in hell.

That's not true.

You're such a sweet man, Ricky.

And why would you ever go to

hell?

God, I can't keep this in

anymore.

About nine months ago, I...

He stole a Snapple.

He stole a Snapple, he's been

bent up about it ever since,

The Snapple that you stole,

from the store.

Yeah, I stole a Snapple. Just

for the thrill.

Hey!

Hey, cuz!

Hey.

Hey, hey, good to see you again.

How's it goin'?

Not bad, can't complain...

How's work?

Ah, you know. So how's... work

for you?

Interesting...

was at the station before when a

serial killer came in and

confessed to a bunch of murders.

He even confessed to killing

that guy, what's his name,

the author who died last year...

Ben Jacobs!

Um, I, I... believe that was his

name.

There, there were those

articles on, the internet-

Ben Jacobs, that's it... yeah!

So... so someone confessed?

Yeah.

Holy sh*t!

Yeah, I tell ya, you get these

nut jobs that come in,

they confess to murders they

didn't even commit,

but this guy... really

convincing.

Yeah, I wasn't even there and I

believe him.

So we arrested him and I hope

the bastard fries!

I hope he fries and they hang

him.

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