Hit by Lightning Page #7

I see...

Yeah, I mean, I'm your best

friend,

so I really felt like I had to

say it.

Really?

Then why did I propose to Tracey

at the end of our first date?

I was going to surprise you with

the news.

Tonight. Over a hot dog and

soup.

But nooo you had to ruin it by

saying

all those hurtful, hurtful,

hurt...

Yeah, I dunno, I guess I was hit

by lightning too, dog.

I mean... she's attractive and

she said I was her type...

and nobody ever tells me I'm

their type...

so the words "will you marry

me",

I dunno they just kinda of

slipped out of my mouth,

like 'sappy Tourette's' or

something like that.

Andx what did she say?

Yes! She said yes! We're getting

married in a month.

Wow, wow, that is unbeliev...

I'm, I'm proud of you, man.

Thank you Ricky, me too.

Actually I told her I wasn't an

astronaut

about a half hour after I popped

the question.

She was a little weirded out by

that,

but she didn't retract her "yes"

and...

No, no, no, I'm happy for you.

It's just...

now I'm the LAST guy from high

school to never be married.

Ricky, you got to keep your arm

in line with the barrel!

Ben Jacobs, author, first wife

I'm so sorry I didn't trust you,

Danita.

I'll never use Google again.

Hello...

Mr. Jacobs.

It's, it's Ricky. You know, the,

the 80-page writer.

Ricky! Hey!

Oh... yeah... I hope I'm not

bothering you, but I,

I just wanted to let you know that

I just messengered you my book...

Oh excellent. Well I'm really

looking forward to reading it.

Listen, uh, uh after you read

it,

I'd love to talk to you, uh, uh,

face to face,

so I can absorb all your

comments, you know, so, uh...

Why don't you come over for

dinner?

That's... just what I was about

to ask you. Um, I mean,

I hope it's not too much

trouble.

No, no, trouble at all.

How's Sunday?

Thanks bye.

Oh, I just got off the phone

with Ricky and

he's coming over for dinner

Sunday night.

Ricky?

Yeah, I'm... reading his book,

honey, remember.

Oh yeah, right... yeah

Is it okay with you that I

invited him to dinner?

Of course.

Okay good.

Hi, baby.

What's wrong?

I think Ben may know about us.

Christ!

Sorry.

No. Why?!

Cause, might, you know, he may

try and kill me first.

Oh, right.

Hey.

No, what am I saying?

He'd never kill you in his own house.

He'd take you somewhere else.

How do we know he doesn't have

after-dinner plans?

Ah... I bet he was just trying

to scare me. You know what,

if he really thought we were having

an affair, you'd be dead already.

Oh... key-doke.

I love you, Ricky.

I love you more, plus seven.

Oh, after dinner, he'll take you up

to his office to discuss your book,

so as soon as he walks up the

first few steps,

just shoot him twice in the back

of the head.

Oh, I should probably make sure

he gets up first.

Cause otherwise, if I walked in

front of him,

I'm going to have to reach around him

to get access to the back of his head

I'm... sorry, I'm rambling.

You'll do great.

Thank you, baby.

Please stop staring at me Jesus.

K, cool.

You can't barely see your face.

Why you wearing a Minnesota cap?

Oh, it's, it's a Montreal Royals

cap.

It's, it's the first minor league

team Jackie Robinson played for,

I mean you saw that movie?

Harrison Ford and Chadwick Boseman,

it was really, it was a were superb.

And, and a delightful turn by

John C. McGinley...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just

relax, okay?

All you have to do is kill a guy

while his back is turned.

Okay and don't forget,

the barrel of the gun should be

in line with your forearm-

Oh will shut up with that

alright!

Trying to help, Ricky.

I'm sorry I yelled, man.

Yeah, well, I mean I guess you

got a lot on your plate.

Look um, when the deed is down

just text me...

"the rabbi sleeps with the

gefilta fishes",

I'll help you guys dump the

body, okay?

You're a primo amigo plus, man.

You know that?

I gotta...

You got to go.

Yeah I got...

You got, you got.

It's okay honey, you keep on

writing. I'll get the door.

How you doing?

Okay. I think.

Hello, Ricky.

Welcome to our house.

Ben will be out in a minute.

You really do have cats. I love

you.

I love you.

Ricky... Hi welcome.

So, are you nervous?

Excuse... me?

Are you nervous?

Why would I be nervous?

Because you're getting an

evaluation on your work tonight

by a best-selling author.

Right. Yeah.

Yeah I'm nervous as sh*t.

How's your Chicken Diablo,

Ricky?

You barely touched it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry, here we

go.

Delicious.

Tres succulent.

Yeah, Danita is a great cook.

I, I sometimes forgotten that

because

I let her order food a lot,

oh let her...

well, you know I spoil her a

little bit.

Don't I, honey?

Yes, you're very generous.

Oh hey, I wasn't fishing for a

compliment, but thanks.

You're welcome

I really liked your book, Ricky.

Thank you...

I know I said I was going talk

to you about it after dinner,

to tell you how much I liked it.

You sure you don't want to wait

until after dinner and

talk to him upstairs,

you know, in your office where

you won't be distracted...

What did you like about it?

Oh I, I liked the characters,

the pacing but why in the world

did you stop after eighty

pages?

I mean I can't wait to see how

it ends.

Wow? Really?

But don't know time passes and

you of lose perspective...

you really liked the pacing?

Sorry, I'm just I... not used to

praise.

Well, you better get used to it.

Because after you finish it,

I plan on sending it to my

publisher.

Oh my god, thank you!! Oh my...

But I did have a few notes for

you.

Uhm and I think Danita's right.

We can probably focus better

upstairs.

So after dinner. In my office.

Is that okay, Ricky?

Yeah, yeah that's, that's cool.

Excellent, great.

Yeah, I'm really looking forward

to it.

Me too.

Oh hey, you think there's any

chance that we could uh,

uh... call the,

the publisher right now and you

know get,

get the ball rolling?

You know what, notes first I

think.

Well, let me put the dishes

away.

You two go upstairs and have

your little talk.

She still insists on cleaning up

herself,

even though I can easily afford

help.

Ahh, she's great.

Isn't she great, Ricky?

Yes. Very nice.

Glad you agree.

Okay, time for the big moment.

You ready?

Oh God, I hope so.

Oh common, let's go do this,

common.

Uhm, well, why don't you lead

the way.

Since, it... is your house.

Why don't we go somewhere else

and talk about your book.

Somewhere a little more

inspiring.

Oh and honey, you come too.

I think it's going to be fun.

Thanks for driving, honey.

Gives me more time to chat with

Ricky.

Where... are we going?

To a very special place.

This place is very important to

me.

It's where I first came up with

the idea...

that my wife was cheating on me

with a loser like you.

I'm sorry, honey, I lied to you.

That night you thought I was

doing a book signing,

I was actually parked right over

there... Yeah.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

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