Hits Page #6

I'm talking to this b*tch

right here.

F***'d you say?

You heard me, little b*tch.

I'll f*** you up.

You think I'm a f*ggot?

You 'bout to gag it.

I'll dick-slap you.

I'll... dick-slap you.

I'll dick-slap you

till your pops turn blue.

Blue balls, that is.

Then I'm a take a whiz.

You think you got nuts?

Don't make me bust a gut.

These nuts are king.

These nuts...

Ah!

You hit me in the nuts!

You f*ggot!

It's like a game to me

when you run.

It's like a game!

This is my party now.

Everybody stay put.

I'll tase every last one

of you mother...

Turn the f***ing hip-hop off!

You know you're not

supposed to be out here.

You, come here.

Turn that off.

The switch right there.

Is that it?

Is that it?

You're not even pressing it.

Throw you in that fire!

I swear to God.

Jeff, it's all right.

I smell weed, man.

Jeff.

That's a perfectly good

end table in that fire, Mark!

Oh, god!

Mommy!

Mom!

What the f*** is that?

Come on, man!

Jesus, Larson.

It's barely a 21/2 hour drive.

Well, you never know.

Yeah, we're not going on, like,

a vision quest or something.

Well, you'll be thanking me

if something happens,

if we break down or there's hail

or something like that.

Hail?

Yeah, hail.

Like, really bad hail.

It happens.

Yeah, uh-huh.

Guys, I motion for a road trip.

Road trip!

Ugh, I hate this song.

Can you turn the station?

Oh, man, you got to see

this video Azir just sent me.

Oh,

the "punched in the nuts" kid?

Yes.

I saw that.

I'll tweet it to you guys.

You think you got nuts?

Don't make me bust a gut.

Ah!

Oh!

You think you got nuts?

Don't make me bust a gut.

You hit me in the nuts!

- I wish it was even longer.

- This is really funny.

What are you guys laughing at?

Look!

You serious?

It's got, like,

a million hits already.

Yeah, and I kind of started it.

Oh, please.

It doesn't have a million hits.

It probably will soon.

No, no, I was f***ing with him

on purpose,

trying to get him

to fight with him.

Cory's famous.

I know, can you believe it?

I was goading him on.

You know, I was the goat

in that story.

I bet he'll get on Tosh.0.

And then they'll fly him out.

They do that whole thing

where they fly out

the people from the video,

and then they re-create the...

Famous for what?

Hmm?

For getting slapped

in the balls?

Hey.

What's up her ass?

Rotate the beers.

- Do we have everything?

- Yeah.

- We got the hoodies?

- They're in the trunk.

And I also got falafel chips,

just in case.

Jesus Christ, Larson.

Oh, this is 16, this is it.

Oh, my god, that's the pothole.

Wow.

All right, this is it.

Oh, wow.

Should I get his mail?

Uh, maybe.

No, no, that's stupid.

Hi.

Mr. Stuben.

Hi, I'm Donovan McAfree.

This is Larson Tudor.

And this is Babatunde.

Um... we're Think Tank.

We're the guys who emailed you

from New York City.

Yeah, hello.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hello.

Uh, can we come in?

Yeah, sure.

Awesome.

All right.

Oh, wow.

This is the nerve center.

Oh, Mr. Stuben.

You guys see if I had

any mail out there?

F***!

Sorry, sorry.

I just... I need to start

listening to my instincts.

Yes, you do have some;

Let me go get it for you.

- Larson?

- Yeah.

Babatunde, could you guys

get the stuff from the car,

I think, and bring it in?

- Great idea.

- Great idea.

Awesome, awesome.

This is good; This is good.

Dave, first order of business,

can you direct me the loo?

What?

The WC.

Um... if one wanted to find,

like, a comfort house?

Or, like, a camp station?

Would you...

Do you have a Biffy?

These are f***ing delicious.

So, Larson, I think

if we get the camera set up,

we could start

interviewing Dave.

- Okay.

- Great.

And while you're doing that,

I'll go ahead

and I'll start the Kickstarter.

I'll start the Indiegogo,

a GoFundMe account.

Babatunde, I'm gonna

send you a link.

I'd love it if you'd

just send it everywhere, okay?

Sure, sure.

Like, Gawker, send it to Reddit,

send it to BoingBoing.

Okay, yeah.

Make sure it goes...

- Huffington Post?

- HuffPo, definitely.

Yes, especially

the comments section.

Daily Coast?

Daily Coast, but only

if it's an off-topic forum.

Same goes for Politico.

Actually, if you could use

your anonymous Reddit account,

I have five fake Reddit accounts

that I could use to up-vote it.

Um, hi?

Hi.

You must be Katelyn.

Dad?

Don't be scared;

We're here to help.

- Dad.

- Hey, honey.

Dad, what the f*** is going on?

Oh, these boys,

they're gonna help me

get justice

with the town council.

- What?

- Yeah.

They're from New York City.

Apparently there's

a video online

from the council meeting

the other night,

and all sorts of people

are starting to rally

behind my cause.

Yeah, your dad is about to be

the most famous man in town.

- Try the state.

- Mm-hmm.

The state.

Your father is, like, a symbol

for something that's going on,

like, something big,

something worldwide and local.

And it's about infrastructure,

and it's about people.

Katelyn.

Katelyn!

That was a great Vine.

Yeah.

Hashtag "real moment."

Oh, my god.

These documents

are incriminating.

I want to record this demo.

Okay, you got $500?

No, I have $300.

Well, then...

I will give you a hand job,

but I won't blow you,

and I will not let you f*** me.

Take it or leave it.

Okay.

Just sit on the couch.

What up, Eminem?

F*** you.

Rapping idiot gets pawned.

Why don't you come over here

and say that to my face,

you little f*ggot?

Yeah.

Hang on, sometimes

it takes a few minutes.

Okay, you don't have

a few minutes,

so you better f***ing hurry up,

you piece of sh*t.

Well, if I don't come,

you can't record.

That's fair.

F***ing come, douchebag!

What is taking you so long?

I...

I don't know.

I guess I'm not gonna come.

Okay, then what

am I supposed to do

if you're not gonna come?

Well, if I don't come,

you can't record.

That's the deal.

Sorry.

Fine, okay.

Fine.

Just...

Just get a condom,

and don't even think

about kissing me.

And make it fast.

Yeah.

Oh, my god.

Okay.

Hey.

Don't just stand there.

Go pick that sh*t up.

God.

Hey, let's go, come on,

back to work.

You want to do this

next weekend too?

First, you show your junk

in public, and...

Hey.

I'm talking to you.

Looking fine, brother.

Yeah, ooh.

I bet he's got nice abs.

Lift your shirt up, man.

Oh, god.

Oh.

Okay.

See, that wasn't so bad, right?

Where's your bathroom?

Uh... it's right back...

I'll just start

setting everything up.

We need way less Drambuie.

Check it out, you guys.

America's next

top number one idol.

- You got the demo?

- Oh, cool!

Right.

Oh, my god,

you're gonna love it.

I'm so excited.

I'm so excited.

Professional.

Professionally done.

Yeah, you can totally tell that.

You can?

Worth it.

Worth it.

Good.

So that's...

Is that, like, the final thing?

That's it?

Yeah, well, I mean,

she can still make changes.

It's like a process, you know?

You do it over;

You send it back and fo...

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