Holes Page #6

The d-duck may swim on the lake,

but my daddy owns the lake.

(LAUGHTER)

Tsk.

(LAUGHTER FADES)

That will be all for tonight.

Thank you, class. You're dismissed.

Come on, boys.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Whew.

Hey, Katherine...

How about me and you,

uh, having a little picnic?

Take a ride on my motorboat.

No, thank you, Mr. Walker.

It's brand-new.

I mean, you don't even have to row it.

No, thank you.

Uh, come on now, girl.

Hey.

No one ever says no to Trout Walker.

I believe I just did.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Come on, boys.

MR. SIR:

We're digging around, all around.

Then we're digging toward the center, see?

Got something to do with it, huh?

Today's the day.

I can feel it.

DR. PENDANSKI:
You know,

the ancient Mesopotamians,

they didn't have shovels.

Glad to have you back, X-Ray.

We can use your sharp eyes.

Hello, Warden.

Ma'am, I think I found something.

Are you trying to be funny?

Or do you just think I'm stupid?

No, ma'am, I... I wasn't

trying to be funny.

Excuse me?

Well, Armpit, your little joke

just cost you a week of shower privileges.

ALL:
Aww.

All right. Everyone back to work.

-Man, you sleeping outside.

-You heard her, back to work.

Aside from that,

everything's going real well.

I don't think so. I want results.

Sam, this is the finest schoolhouse

in all of Texas.

(LAUGHS) Thank you.

Thank you, Miss Katherine.

(SINGING) Hello, my friend,

it's been a while

It's nice to see your beautiful smile

We went our separate ways

Only to return

To face a lesson

We failed to learn

We didn't understand the truth

We're blinded by the eyes of youth

-(MISS KATHERINE SOBS)

-(THUNDER RUMBLES)

-Time kept on moving

-I can fix that.

And the change has come

The change has come

You think that I don't know

Where you're coming from

Well, I feel just like you

And I cry just like you

I cry

But I heal

Heal

Just like you

Come on. Ha!

(SINGING)

Under my skin

Under my skin

I'm just like you

Four days.

Four long days.

And this is all you jackasses got

to show for it.

Probably ain't nothing down there.

We would have found it by now.

I wouldn't tell the queen bee that.

I ain't on stupid pills.

What are you jawing about?

If you can't get 'em to dig any faster,

you can grab a shovel and join 'em.

How about that? Huh?

Get to work!

This ain't no kindergartners

in the sandbox.

I want to see some effort here

Or I'll put a hurt on you.

I ain't just whistling

"Bye-bye, sue" neither.

I am surrounded by cow turds.

(INDISTINCT YELLING)

Stop it! Stop it!

Yeah!

Lady, where you going?

(KATHERINE CRYING)

-Stop it!

-(GLASS BREAKING)

Do something!

Yeah, girl!

How do you like me now?!

Sheriff!

Sheriff! Come quick!

They're destroying the school!

Give me a kiss.

You kissed the onion picker.

You're drunk.

I always get drunk before a hanging.

If you hang him,

then you better hang me, too,

because I kissed him back.

It ain't against the law

for you to kiss him,

just for him to kiss you.

(GRUNTS)

(INDISTINCT YELLING IN DISTANCE)

MAN:
Whoo-hoo-hoo!

There she is!

Come on now!

Sam!

Sam!

(ENGINE CHUGGING)

(GASPS)

Sam!

(GUNSHOT)

Sam!

(CRYING)

(SIGHS)

Listen up.

(YAWNS)

After the behavior exhibited

these past several days,

the Warden and I have decided

that your character-building

be best served

by returning to the digging

of individual holes.

(GROANS)

Over to you.

All right!

Let's go dig, boys!

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go!

(FOOTSTEPS)

Good morning, Sheriff.

Do you still want that kiss?

(GUN C*CKS)

(GUNSHOT)

(WIND HOWLING)

MR. SIR:
Water's the most

precious commodity

on the face of the planet.

All life begins with water.

(WATER SLOSHING)

So, think of it this way...

I'm giving you life.

Say "thank you."

Thank you, Mr. Sir.

Next!

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

Don't get your hopes up.

Them storms never make it

past the mountains.

Maybe this time they will.

I got a story for you girl scouts.

Once upon a time,

there was a magical place

where it never rained.

The end.

(CHUCKLING)

I don't get it.

(MR. SIR LAUGHING)

Have a nice day.

(SIGHS)

I never get anything he says.

-(TRUCK DOOR CLOSES)

-(ENGINE TURNS OVER)

Guys. Hey, guys.

What?

Anybody want some sunflower seeds?

-Whoo!

-(LAUGHTER)

I can't help it, man.

My hands are like magnets.

Good old Magnet.

Sticky fingers.

Pass it over here, man.

Yeah, I'll take some of those. Whoo!

Hey, Zig, come on, man. Hurry up.

Mr. Sir's coming back.

Hey, he's coming back!

He's coming back!

Catch it.

Oh, Stanley, you butterfingers!

MAGNET:
He's coming back.

You better hide it.

Hide it.

Come on, man.

Well, well.

How did this get here?

What?

MR. SIR:
How did that get there?

Did it fall from the sky, huh?

(SNIFFLES) No.

(SPITS)

I stole that out of your truck.

I think maybe the Warden

would like to see what you found.

Let's go.

Y'all having a nice day?

-Yes, Mr. Sir.

-MR. SIR:
Good.

Hey, what are you doing, Dog?

-Caveman...

-MR. SIR:
See what turns up.

(SPITS)

-(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS)

-What?

We found a little something

in Caveman's hole.

What is it? What'd you find?

Come in. Come in.

You're letting the cold out.

MR. SIR:
Tell her.

While Mr. Sir was filling our canteens...

I snuck into his truck

and, uh, stole his sunflower seeds.

Yeah.

That's it.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Caveman, would you,

uh, kindly bring me that little brass case

in the bureau over there

with my nail polish in it?

Yeah, sure.

MR. SIR:
Them little diddles think I

don't have eyes in the back of my head.

But I don't miss much,

as you well know.

You know, my philosophy is...

See, I keep 'em in line,

punishment and reward.

Punishment... Reward.

Every time they see me coming,

a little shiver goes up their spine.

"D" tent, snaky little bunch, you know.

They think they're a step ahead of me,

but I'm miles ahead of them.

I come back at night. I look around.

I see in their eyes. They know I know.

WARDEN:
Come right over here, son.

-Here you go.

-Thank you.

See this, Caveman?

This is my special nail polish.

I make it myself.

You want to know my secret ingredient?

Rattlesnake venom.

I just love what it does to the coloring.

It's perfectly harmless.

When it's dry.

So, you think he stole

your sunflower seeds.

No, I don't.

I think he's covering

for X-Ray or somebody.

It was a 5-pound sack,

and he claims to have eaten it all.

But... but it

was only half full when I got it.

And, uh, there's a lot in my hole.

You could check that.

I will. I will check it. (YELLS)

Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

All I give you is respect and affection.

I suggest you go back to your hole now.

Uh! Uh!

Ohh! Why'd you do that? Ooh!

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