Holes Page #7

I liked you better when you smoked.

Aah. (FEET TAPPING)

Hey, look who showed up.

All right, man, we thought

you were dead for sure.

Hey, Caveman, what'd you say?

Nothing.

What'd she do to you?

Nothing.

Pbbtt. Nothing?

Yeah. She didn't do nothing.

(LAUGHING)

What is this?

Thank you, guys.

Man.

-Don't look at us.

-Yeah, it was Zero.

That boy likes to dig holes.

-ARMPIT:
He'd dig a hole to China, man.

-X-RAY:
Yeah, man.

But where do them Chinese kids dig to?

Man, shut up.

Hey, Zero.

Why'd you dig my hole, man?

You didn't steal the sunflower seeds.

Yeah, but neither did you.

You didn't steal the shoes.

You still want to learn to read?

All right, man.

MR. SIR:
I don't like no hocus-pocus.

$14 for onions.

We don't need no stinking onions.

-You told me to get onions, I get onions.

-I want to taste it.

-Go ahead and taste it. I don't care.

-I'll taste it then.

Go ahead.

I'm tasting it.

Whoa. What happened to your face?

(CLATTERING)

Something the matter with my face?

Huh?

No. No, Mr. Sir.

You got that right.

(CRASHING, CLATTERING)

Anybody see anything wrong

with my face?

Huh?!

I think I'm kind of Purty, don't you?

BOYS:
Yes, sir.

Clean this up.

(FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING)

I think we just learned a valuable lesson.

We're all people, and Mr. Sir

is a very sensitive man,

just like all of us.

(SINGING)

Leader, he's a mighty good leader

He's a mighty good leader

Next.

All the way

All the way, lord

From up to heaven

You thirsty, Yelnats?

-Yes, Mr. Sir.

-He's a mighty good leader

(FAUCET SQUEAKS)

There. That should hold you.

Next!

(HORSE WHINNIES)

(HOOFBEATS)

MR. SIR:
Magnet, wipe that

smile off your face.

Yes, you.

You want some water?

Remember that gold tube?

Yeah.

I think that that tube...

was a tube of lipstick, you know?

And the "K.B." stands for Kate Barlow.

Kissin' Kate Barlow?

Kissin' Kate Barlow.

(SINGING) I've done a lot of things

that I'm not so proud of

Took a lot of turns

That turned out wrong

That's a worn-out song

Day by day, moment by moment

Takin' my chances

Trustin' my heart

It wasn't too smart

I will survive, I will endure

When the going's rough, you can be sure

I'll tough it out, I won't give in

If I'm knocked down, I'll get up again

As long as my dream's alive

I will survive

I will survive

All right. Come on now.

"z"... "e"...

Okay.

"r"...

"o."

That's it.

I can help you dig your hole

so you won't be so tired to teach me.

No, I'm fine.

Look, you're a slow digger.

Oh ho ho.

You're trying to bag on me.

Yeah, I'm trying to bag on you.

All right.

This way, we'll be done at the same time.

-Well, it couldn't hurt.

-Yeah.

Go ahead.

"z"...

"z"...

"e"...

No.

This has to go out like this.

That's an "r."

-Okay.

-Okay?

his one's easy. "o."

That's it.

You know, Zero's not my real name.

It's not?

But even Pendanski calls you "Zero."

My name's Hector, Hector Zeroni.

Hector Zeroni.

Nice to meet you, Hector.

-Nice to meet you.

-(BOTH CHUCKLE)

ZERO:
26 letters. So, we can do

five letters a day for four days,

and then six letters on the fifth day.

That's good math.

I'm not stupid.

I know everyone thinks I am.

I just don't like answering

stupid questions.

Right.

Yo, Caveman, it must be kind of easy

working with your own personal

slave and all, huh?

What's up, stupid?

Come on, Squid.

Whatever, man.

ZERO:
"m"...

"o"...

"m."

We weren't always homeless.

I remember we used to live

in a lot of different places.

And then...

We didn't live anywhere.

It must have been hard.

Yeah.

My ma had problems,

but she would try so hard to

make a better life for us.

STANLEY IV:
Yeah.

She always used to say,

"I love you more than air."

She couldn't take me everywhere she went.

I used to have to wait like

on a porch or a playground.

(SIGHS)

Then one day, she didn't come back.

What happened to her?

(SIGHS DEEPLY) I don't know.

That's what bothers me the most.

If I could,

I would hire a whole team

of private investigators

just to find her...

or to find out what happened to her.

(SIGHS) I used to wait at Laney Park.

Laney Park?

Yeah.

I used to go to Laney park all the time.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

I used to sleep in the tunnel

next to the swinging bridge.

But no biggie.

(SIGHS)

DR. PENDANSKI:

Let's go, boys! Lunch!

Where's your whip, Caveman?

You don't want your slave

to be slacking off.

It's not slavery.

It's an agreement.

Yeah, man, whatever.

Line 'em up. I don't have all

day. Let's go. Let's go.

We have bologna and cheese,

apples, and graham crackers.

All right, let's move it along.

-Get your sandwich.

-Hello, Theodore.

That's not my name, fool. It's Armpit.

Uh-huh. Alan, a good day to you.

Good afternoon.

-Ricky...

-Sir.

BOY:
Sandwiches?

-You can have one sandwich.

-(MAGNET SPEAKING SPANISH)

DR. PENDANSKI:
This is America.

We speak English here.

Hey, man, I got some

extra graham crackers.

Hey, how about I give you my cookie

and you let me dig your hole?

Go on. Take it.

Look, I get it, all right?

I'll dig my own hole from now on.

Just let me eat my lunch.

(LAUGHING) He isn't gonna take it.

Come here.

Eat the cookie.

BOYS:
Whoa.

Back off, man.

DR. PENDANSKI:
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What's going on here?

Nothing, Mom.

We was just fooling, right?

I saw what was going on.

Go on, Stanley.

Teach him a lesson.

Hit him back.

-Yeah, teach me a lesson.

-BOY 1:
Yeah, Stanley, teach him a lesson.

-Come on. Hit me.

-DR. PENDANSKI:
Hit him.

-Come on. Teach me a lesson.

-BOY 2:
Hit him, Stanley.

(BOYS MURMURING)

Get him!

All right, all right.

Ugh!

Go get him.

BOYS:
Awww.

DR. PENDANSKI:

That's enough!

(GRUNTING)

I said, "That's enough!"

-That's enough!

-(CHOKING)

Stop. Hey, stop, Zero. Hey, stop.

-Come on, man.

-(CHOKING)

-(GUNSHOT)

-Now, I said, "that's enough!"

When I say to end something,

I mean end it.

-BOY:
Come on. Let's go.

-DR. PENDANSKI:
Get back to your holes!

-You all right?

-Zero's crazy.

No, no, no. Leave me alone.

Basically, Zero almost killed Ricky.

Basically?

Uh, uh, Ziggy was beating up

the Caveman, right?

And then Zero started choking Zigzag.

I had to pull Zero off of him.

Yeah, I mean, you know,

Zig just got a little hot.

Out in the sun all day,

the blood starts to boil.

Is that what happened, Zigzag?

Yep.

Like X-Ray said, you know,

working all day

out in the hot sun, you know,

while Caveman sits around

and does nothing.

Excuse me?

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