Holes Page #8

Caveman digs his hole

just like everyone else.

Sometimes.

WARDEN:
Excuse me?

Ma'am, Zero's been digging

a part of Caveman's hole every day.

You're not digging holes no more?

Huh?

I... I'm teaching him how to read.

What?

He's a smart kid.

Smart? (CHUCKLES)

Oh, yeah?

Hey, Zero, what does c-a-t spell?

Huh?

What's it spell?

Yeah, he's a real genius.

He's so stupid,

he doesn't even know he's stupid.

Okay, from now on,

I don't want anyone

digging anyone else's hole.

Is that clear?

And no more reading lessons.

Why? I mean, if the hole gets dug,

who cares who's digging it, right?

You know why you're digging holes?!

'cause it's good for you.

It teaches you a lesson.

If Zero digs your hole for you,

you're not learning your lesson, are you?

MR. SIR:
Yeah. See that?

Why can't I still just dig my hole

and teach him how to read?

'cause I said so.

We know you mean well, Stanley.

But the mental stress

just causes his brain too much

of a challenge.

That's what made his blood boil,

not the hot sun.

I'm not digging any more holes.

Good.

I mean, you might as well

teach this shovel to read.

Go ahead, Zero. Take it.

It's all you'll ever be good for.

D-i-g.

What's that spell?

Uhh!

BOYS:
Ohh!

Dig.

Go, Zero! Go!

-Run, Zero!

-Don't shoot!

He can't go anywhere.

You think I was gonna shoot him?

The last thing we need

is an investigation.

MR. SIR:
I know that.

Misinterpretation.

Let him go, then. Let him go.

I want round-the-clock guards

on all water sources.

I still expect seven holes.

I'll have the chicken tenders, Warden.

(LAUGHTER)

I'm a heel. I'm a heel.

I'm feeling queasy. Take it or leave it.

You still pouting?

No, I'm not pouting.

I'm just asking,

are we sure that he had no family?

He was a ward of the state.

He was living on the streets

when he was arrested.

Is there some prissy caseworker

who might ask questions?

He had nobody. He was nobody.

I want you to destroy his records.

He was never here.

Can you get into the state files

from our computer?

I can do anything, but I'm telling you,

no one is going to come looking for him.

No one cares about Hector Zeroni.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE)

I do.

MR. SIR:
They was in this thing together.

Yeah.

(SIGHS)

His blood's on your hands, then.

(FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING)

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

Man, if he's not back by morning,

he's dead.

He's dead either way.

If he stays out there or if he comes back.

When do you think

they're gonna find his body?

What body?

Man, Zero's buzzard food.

You know what?

They pick out the eyeballs first.

BOY:
I can't believe you just said that.

(LAUGHTER)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Learn how to take a joke.

STANLEY II:
She left him

stranded in the desert.

No water, no food for 16 days.

(SQUEAKING)

Well, grandpa, how'd he survive?

They said he found refuge on God's Thumb.

-STANLEY IV:
What's God's Thumb?

-STANLEY II:
Who knows.

He was half crazy when they found him.

Zero!

Zero!

Zero!

-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

-(CLATTERING)

So, what you in here for, Twitch?

Oh, ha, joyriding.

I guess you never really plan

to steal one or nothing,

but when I walk past

a really nice car...

Whoo! Oh... I just start twitching,

you know?

Really kind of...

well, you think I'm jumpy now?

You should have seen me behind the wheel

of that mustang convertible.

Whoo! Vroom!

BOY:
Come on, Twitch. Let's go.

Hey, Twitch, get some water.

MR. SIR:

I'm getting tired...

First hole's the hardest.

Thanks, man.

MR. SIR:
If you see me coming,

I want you to jump out of that hole.

Be first in line right away.

I'm a little scratchy today,

so you got to be sensitive with me.

-Yeah, I apologize, Mr. Sir.

-Yeah, yeah.

SQUID:
Hey, man, I'm sick and tired

of you cutting in line.

MAGNET:
I didn't cut you, man.

SQUID:
Shut up!

X-RAY:
Guys, chill out.

MAGNET:
There's something

wrong with you, man!

SQUID:
What?

X-RAY:
Hey, don't be squabbling up in here.

Both of us getting it.

SQUID:
Man, stay in your place!

(BOYS ARGUING)

MR. SIR:
Gentlemen, there's

only one law around here

and that's me.

You guys want to learn

the tough lessons? Here.

I'll give you a tough-guy...

(ENGINE TURNS OVER)

Come on. Come on. Put it in gear.

Hey! Wait!

(YELLS)

(ALL CHEERING)

(SHOUTING)

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

You stop this truck...

(MR. SIR SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

Or I'll kill you!

(MR. SIR EXCLAIMS, GRUNTS)

(LAUGHTER)

(STANLEY SHRIEKS)

BOY:
Keep going, Caveman!

MR. SIR:
Yelnats! Stop that truck!

Yelnats!

(SCREECHING WHOOP)

Bye-bye, Camp Green...

ARMPIT:
Oh, no!

My truck.

X-RAY:
You okay? Caveman!

BOY:
You all right?

(STEAM HISSING)

You done it now!

You done it now!

(BOYS YELLING INDISTINCTLY)

Get back away from that truck!

Get away from the truck.

(INDISTINCT CHEERING)

Yeah!

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

BOY:
Keep going! Don't stop!

Yeah, keep going!

There ain't gonna be no Yelnats V!

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

(PANTING)

Whoa.

No, senor. Not for me.

DR. PENDANSKI:
I'm not gonna see

what's not there.

WARDEN:
All right,

fill in this section here

and start digging over there in between.

What are you gonna do about Caveman?

He ain't like Zero. He's got family.

In two weeks, we'll report he's run away.

Call in dogs, helicopters,

the whole nine yards.

By then, there will be

nothing left to find.

That's exactly right.

(WIND HOWLING)

(RATTLING)

Zero?

Zero?

Huh?

Stanley.

What's up, man?

-How you doing?

-All right.

Oh!

We thought you were gone.

I was.

Let me see. You don't look too bad.

You got any water?

-No. I'm out.

-Oh.

But, hey, you know the water truck?

I tried to drive the whole thing

over here. I drove it into a hole.

-(LAUGHS)

-Figures.

What's in the bag?

Oh, it's empty.

No.

(YAWNS)

Zero, we got to get back to camp.

I'm not going back.

Want some Sploosh?

Some what?

Sploosh.

Come on, follow me. I'll show you.

-Some w...

-Come on. (GRUNTS)

Can't you get a door?

This is how I found it.

-(GLASS SHATTERS)

-(COUGHS)

(GRUNTS)

-(EXHALES)

-Here.

What is this?

Sploosh. That's what I call it.

-(SNIFFS)

-Drink it. It's good.

(SLURPS)

(LIPS SMACKING)

That is pretty good.

-Yeah.

-Tastes like peaches.

How many of these you got left?

(SIGHS) That's the last one.

(EXHALES) We need to go back to camp.

Okay? So, let's wrap it up, get your bag,

put this in there, and we'll go.

I'm not going back.

You will die out here.

Here's what we're gonna do. Okay?

We're gonna go back to camp.

And we're gonna tell the Warden exactly

where I found Kate Barlow's lipstick tube.

And she'll be so happy,

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