Hollywood Canteen Page #5

Subconsciously prime... What?

"Eval," primeval.

- Primeval?

- Certainly.

Haven't you heard, sergeant,

that we were all animals once?

Yeah.

And in some ways

we never got over it.

That's right.

Now, I think there is still some animal

in every man and woman.

You don't say?

How does a man horse

greet a female horse?

- They rub noses?

- That's right, they rub noses.

What does a man lion do if he sees

a woman lion come into his jungle?

- They rub noses.

- That's right, sergeant, they rub noses.

And what do we do?

We are frustrated, we don't rub noses.

And do you know why, sergeant?

Because we are civilized.

We don't exercise our instincts anymore.

That's right.

More exercise is what we need.

When woman meets man today,

what does she do?

- She don't rub noses.

- No.

But out of her subconscious

primeval background...

Ain't words wonderful?

...it doesn't matter whether the

man is handsome or dances well...

...she knows he's her man

when she sees him.

Because she's still got her animal instinct

way down deep inside her.

Fascinating.

Sergeant, since you're wearing

a South Pacific ribbon there...

...you might inject a little

color of the tropics into your line too.

Like what?

Oh, something like:

"In the far stretches

of the South Pacific...

...beneath the gleam of the tropical moon,

I dreamed of this moment."

Gentlemen,

I'm about to put your theory to work.

And may I say, furthermore,

that you have my undying gratuity.

I hope he won't be caught

with his instincts down.

Subconsciously primeval.

- Miss Alexis Smith.

- Hello.

What happens when a man horse

meets a woman horse?

I haven't the vaguest idea.

Then what happens when a man lion

sees a woman lion come into his jungle?

Well, I don't know. Does he roar?

No, he rubs noses, Miss Smith.

Sergeant, are you sure

you're feeling all right?

I feel wonderful.

But what do we do?

We don't rub noses.

We are frustrated.

Well, aren't you glad we don't?

No.

Because we don't exercise

our instincts enough.

Because way down deep inside,

we got something primeval.

And, Miss Smith,

when woman meets man today...

[MEN LAUGHING]

Tell us more, sarge.

Yeah, what happens

when man meets woman?

Go on, you muzzlers, hit the road.

I got a patent on this.

JIMMY:

We got Dennis Morgan here...

...to sing a song about you, you and you.

Dennis, how about the Yank number?

Sure, Jimmy. Excuse me, fellas,

I gotta give out with a song.

Speaking of what makes a nation

as great as the U.S.A...

...I have made an observation,

and I'm qualified to say:

[SINGING] You can always tell a Yank

By the way they call him Hank

By the way he talks and the way he thinks

And the way he likes to buy you drinks

You can always tell a Yank

You can always tell a Yank

By the way he hates a crank

By the way he shows that he's not afraid

To get up and call a spade a spade

You can always tell a Yank

He's the kind of guy

Wants a Yankee Doodle deal

Wants his apple pie

And his constitution

He's the kind of guy

With a lot of sock appeal

And he hates to heil a heel

You can always tell a Yank

By the way he drives a tank

To defend a thing called democracy

And save the world from tyranny

You can always tell a Yank

You can always tell a Yank

By the way his glass will clank

With a guy from Rome and a guy from Pinsk

And a guy from Shanghai, Wales and Minsk

You can always tell a Yank

You can always tell a Yank

By his friends on either flank

There's a guy called Slim, a boy named John

A kid called Chang and his friend Ivan

You can always tell a Yank

He's the kind of guy

Wants a Yankee Doodle deal

Wants his apple pie

And his constitution

He's the kind of guy

With a lot of sock appeal

- And he hates to heil

- A heel, yeah

You can always tell a Yank

By the way he eats a frank

By the way he fights for the Bill of Rights

And the right to love a girl in tights

You can always tell a Yank

CHORUS:
You can always tell a Yank

By the way they call him Hank

By the way he talks and the way he thinks

And the way he likes to buy you drinks

You can always tell a Yank

You can always tell a Yank

By the way he hates a crank

By the way he shows that he's not afraid

To get up and call a spade a spade

You can always tell a Yank

He's the kind of guy

CHORUS:

Wants a Yankee Doodle deal

Wants his apple pie

And his constitution

He's the kind of guy

With a lot of sock appeal

And he hates to heil a heel

You can always tell a Yank

By the way he drives a tank

Forward, march!

To defend a thing called democracy

And save the world from tyranny

You can always tell a Yank

To get back to things primeval,

Miss Smith...

[MEN LAUGHING]

Make way for a guy with a theory.

MAN:
Thank you very much for the dance.

- Thank you.

In the far stretches of the South Pacific,

beneath the gleam of a tropical moon...

...I dreamt of this moment.

Or am I being too bold?

If you'll excuse me, I hate goodbyes.

Look, I'm the white sheep of my family.

Let's go someplace where we can talk?

We hostesses are not permitted to leave

with the servicemen.

And besides,

I have to be at the studio quite early.

My life to this moment

has been a total loss...

...because I ain't seen

your beautiful puss in pictures.

Well, I work at the studios.

I wouldn't turn down an invitation

to come to watch you work tomorrow.

Oh, I'm so sorry, but you see,

I give so much of myself to my art...

...there'd be so little left for you.

A crumb would be a banquet.

And besides, I'll be all tied up

with Humphrey Bogart all day.

We're testing.

You passed my test

the moment I laid my orbs on you.

Would you settle for a dance?

Would a starving man

settle for a beefsteak?

I like these novelty bands

that play music the way it was written.

Now, isn't there something about me that

makes me stand out from these other guys?

Well, yes, now that you mention it.

Well, what is it?

Gee, I don't know,

all a girl's got to go by is her instinct.

That's it, you got it!

You're subconsciously primeval!

[MEN LAUGHING]

NOLAN:

Luscious!

Good night, sergeant.

I have to save myself for my art,

you know.

I have to report in San Francisco Monday,

I'd certainly like another...

- ...look at Miss Leslie before I go.

- I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

SLIM:
What's the matter, pal?

- I'm off women for the duration.

Isn't that an unfortunate attitude to have

at the Hollywood Canteen?

Happens to be the way I feel, ma'am.

Look, this is the last dance tonight.

Shall we have it together?

Okay.

What's the kitten's name?

We've tried very hard

to find a name for it.

Have you any suggestions?

How about...

Yes?

Anybody ever tell you

you look like Joan Crawford?

Well, yes, my husband has.

- You dance good, light as a feather.

- Thank you.

- You're a dead-ringer for Joan Crawford.

- Am I really?

Don't look now, but I am Joan Crawford.

You're...

- Joan Craw...?

- Yes.

Oh, somebody get some water.

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