Holy Man Page #9

And she was right. At that

very moment, she was making

a difference for that starfish...

and she was making a difference

for herself too because she

was connected to that starfish.

And that's what life

is all about-- connecting.

In fact, that's the only time

you're ever alive, really,

is when you're connecting.

That's kind of a nice story.

That's sweet. That's sweet.

Well, thank you

for tuning in.

And remember, let go...

give in and take the journey.

Oh, wait!

One other thing.

I work here

with my friend Ricky Hayman.

Where'd he get that?

Where'd he get that picture?

- He asked. I just--

- [ Kate ] Oh, Barry, you didn't.

- What?

- I-l didn't--

Ricky doesn't like himself

because he doesn't think...

he's a good person 'cause he

can't see all of his good qualities.

- So-- Can you come in closer?

- Sam, frame off the picture.

- Oh, this is--

- Sam, Sam.

- I didn't--

I didn't know he was gonna--

- Don't go in close. Don't.

- Don't, don't.

- Go in close.

Don't. Don't go in close. Sam!

- Too late.

- Oh, this is everybody's joke?

- Yes.

- I see. Ha-ha-ha.

It's funny day.

Hey, cheesy.

Don't. No.

Don't, don't, don't.

There's two things you can do for me

for my friend Ricky Hayman.

If you run into this man anywhere,

if you see him anywhere...

one thing is,

go up to him and tell him...

something nice about himself

to build up his confidence.

Compliment his dress

or his hairstyle or something.

"You look great today, Ricky."

Something, you know,

that's reassuring to him...

because he has a very,

very low self-image.

This is the lowest moment

of my life.

And the second thing is you--

Hug him.

No, this is

the lowest moment of my life.

- [ Kate Laughing ]

- If you see this man, give him a hug.

He really, really wants to be hugged,

and he's not used to it.

- No!

- He really needs it.

No, no. No.

[ Laughing ]

I just wanted to tell you

I think you're really--

really tall.

- Very nice.

- Thank you for the national

humiliation. Thank you.

Wait, wait, wait. Look at this.

Humiliated today, hero tomorrow.

Hey, take a look at this.

Look at the numbers.

- Unbelievable.

- Are those the actual numbers?

Those are the actual numbers.

- These are the pendants?

- He did it.

- [ Man #1 ] Look at that.

- [ Man #2 ] I can't believe it.

It's awesome.

My friends, do you have food

that goes to waste?

You ever thought about using

your drive time to cook

a meal for your family?

Do you feel the need to store

your vegetables and lunch meats forever?

We say wet it again...

with Foggy.

It's the Hood Buddy--

the air filter that uses the heat...

of your gas-guzzling engine

to cook fabulous meals while you drive.

Lil Squirt--

it's a festive fountain

that gives your fanny...

"a kiss of refreshing mist."

But look what we did with Foggy!

We made banana mush.

Soot gives it a unique, unrivalled,

rich, hearty, robust aroma.

Why would you dry these bananas out

in the first place?

Then I have two words

for you, G-- suck it.

Lil Squirt. This is probably the

nastiest product on the entire network.

- 10-4, Hood Buddy.

- Yummy.

[ G ] Today is the first day

of the rest of your life.

But let's face it.

The seat-warmers...

that you're sitting on are getting

more out of life than you are.

Yes, they are.

And if I were you-- and I am you--

If I were you,

what I would do...

is I would embrace

each and every new day...

Iike it was a long-lost lover...

and squeeze all the life juice

I possibly could.

The juicer, the juicer.

Sam, get a shot of the juicer.

- Juicers, juicers. Okay, tight shot.

- Kitchen-Aid, 79.95.

Kitchen-Aid juicer, 79.95.

- Fabulous.

- Go, go, go.

[ Woman ]

Home shoppers have found a new guru.

His name is G, and he's a mixture

of higher thinking and lower prices.

Okay, get off the phone.

You have to look at these.

- [ Ricky ] I'll call you later.

- "TV Guide," "Time," "Forbes."

Correct me if I'm wrong, sir--

[ Chuckles ]

I don't wanna

put words in your mouth.

- It felt to me as if we had a deal.

- Well, you felt wrong.

I said if Hayman screwed up,

you were in.

He didn't.

This G goof of his...

is the biggest thing to hit

home shopping since the cubic zirconia.

That doesn't pique

your Sherlock Holmes brain cells?

My God, the man has no history...

no social security number,

no driver's licence...

voter's registration,

birth certificate, nothing.

G isn't even a name,

for crying out loud.

You don't find that curious?

Yes, I do.

I just don't find it illegal.

There is a definite Talmudic

wisdom to G's philosophy.

He is clearly a student of the--

Koran figures prominently

in G's aphorisms.

And I'm sure

he will tell you he's--

A student of the New Testament.

G's essential

religious foundation...

so clearly echoes the teachings

of Jesus Christ...

that I wonder if he might not have spent

some time in the seminary himself.

No, don't change anything.

I wanna keep it simple.

What? What did I tell you?

Every market.

Right! Every market.

Let's run it everywhere. Full page.

- I don't care how much it costs.

Save me this stuff in the--

- Right.

What? A week. Let's run it

for a week, see what happens.

- No, man. Thank you.

- [ Beeps ]

Hi, nice to see you--

talk to you. Hi, hey!

- Hey. Hey.

- [ Kate ] Hey!

The, uh--

We're glad to get you.

Listen, we're just sittin' around here--

I know it's sort of last minute.

- We were--

- Wondering if I wanted

to go out for a drink?

Exactly right. The, uh-- I don't know

what you have a taste for, but--

- How about the Breakwater?

- I love the Breakwater. It's, um--

- What time is it? 7:00?

- Can you pick me up in half an hour?

- We will see you in one half hour.

- Great.

[ Singing ln Spanish ]

[ Continues ]

[ Music Ends ]

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

- [ Car Door Closes ]

- [ Ricky, Kate Laughing ]

Oh. Oh.

- Oh.

- [ Chuckling ]

- I'm wet.

- You're so wet.

Look at that. Well, Scott

was certainly right about one thing.

About what?

You do have elegant toes.

[ Laughs ]

Scott was, um--

What? You two dated?

A while ago.

For about a minute.

Well, you know,

he seems like a--

- [ Laughing ] Like a determined...

- Yeah.

- guy.

- Scott was very interested in me--

in our relationship-- until he got

his introduction to McBainbridge.

What? Feel like he used you?

He did some work for us.

Made me look good, so...

I guess we used each other.

All's fair, right?

I had a really nice time.

I had a nice time too.

I'll see you tomorrow.

See you later.

Ricky!

I loved our dance.

Damn.

Damn.

[ Car Door Closes,

Footsteps Approaching ]

[ Shouting, Chattering ]

- It's G.

- What's happening?

Somebody came forward, some woman.

She says G's her husband.

Says he has a whole family--

six kids-- in Chicago.

- Just walked out, abandoned them.

- Oh, I don't believe that.

- She's holding

a press conference in an hour.

- Where?

It was time

for this charade to end.

This man, G, had already

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