Holy Matrimony Page #4

[Panting]

Fine. | What do you want me to do?

[Grunts]

[Gasps]

[Havana] | How come I never see guys do this work?

My husband says he can't find a hoe | that fits a man's hand.

Just like a man. We do all the work, | while he plays with his hose.

[Women Laughing]

There.

I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm trying | really hard to be a good wife | and it's difficult.

But I know that you're going to help me | and Uncle Wilhelm will be very proud of you.

Okay?

[Laughing]

[Women Chattering]

[Woman] | Eat well, father.

Eat well, | husband.

- [Woman] Eat well, son. | - Eat well, brother.

[Singing In | Hutterite German]

I was going to leave | all of these lunatics

And go off and have | a rich and happy life

[Women | Continue Singing]

Cannot stand it | All this housework

I feel likeJulie Andrews

[Tractor Engine]

Ezekiel! | Ezekiel!

[Havana] | You eat good, Zeke.

You know, | I'm having the best day.

It's like I've never felt | such peace before.

[Sighs] I wanna thank you for | marrying me, Zeke. Thank you.

Oh, that-that's okay.

- Well, I have to get back to work. | - Ja. Me too.

Oh.

I'm not gonna be | needing that.

You take such good | care of me.

What do I need money for | when I have you, so...

just put it back with the rest | of the money, okay.

Hey, come here, you little runt! | Come here!

- If I catch you, you're dead meat.! | - Shoo, shoo, shoo!

[Squawking]

[Screams]

[Chickens Squawking]

[Havana] | Hey.! Where are you?

- [Squawking] | - [Screams]

[Screaming]

You want this?

[Screaming]

You've been tryin' to trick me, | just pretending to be a good wife.

But let me tell you something. | You're never going to get this...

- Yes! | - Money!

You little, fainting, | geeky creep!

I am this close to putting you | over my knee and giving you a spanking!

I hate being married to you. | I hate it! Any man would.

Then do something about it. | Gimme the money and I'm outta here.

One quick divorce and I'm | Havana What-Was-Her-Name.

- That sounds good but what's a divorce? | - It is a ticket out of hell.

- No, we can't have divorce. | - No, you sit!

Listen, you let me take the heat | on this one from Uncle Wilhelm, okay?

If I tell him I am a lousy wife | with lousy wifely skills...

and an overbearing sexual appetite, | he will cut us both a little slack.

Then you give me my money, | and I am gone. Deal?

Is it?

[Spits]

No, you got | to spit first.

Okay?

[Bleating]

Set it in.

[Whispers] | Inside. Come on. Inside.

Come on.

Come inside. | Come inside.

Load it up.

Zeke, if I can be | a little bit critical here...

Ooh. Um, I think you should | lighten up a little bit.

Have some fun.

Stop being so serious | all the time.

Be happy.

Quit letting all those little kids | get the best of you all the time, you know.

Zeke?

Zeke!

[Mock Crying] | No, this can't be.

I can't believe that a man I actually | loved and married could be a thief.

[Mock Crying Continues] | I thought I could trust Peter.

I thought he believed | in the things I believed in.

He spoke all the time | of honesty and virtues and God.

What does God think? | [Sobbing]

I thought who | could think anymore?

I feel so... tawdry...

so... soiled.

Disgraced by the shame | of greed and lust.

The money should | be burned.

Burned?

- It certainly should be. | - We must all agree.

Excuse me.

I agree the money is tainted, but tainted | or not, it is not ours to burn.

Yeah. Yes.

Leviticus says that | we must restore...

that which was | deceitfully gotten.

Of all of'em...

[Chuckles] | I love Leviticus the most.

[Men Whispering]

[Sighs]

Since Peter was my brother and he | carried both my name and my blood...

I think that I should be the one | to return the money.

But, Ezekiel, you are not | your brother's keeper.

Yes, but I am the keeper of the shame | that Peter brings to my family...

and to the entire Colony | with his sinful thievery.

But, Ezekiel, a job like this | is... is for a man.

How can I be a husband | without first being a man?

Yes.

Yes. | This I cannot argue.

And as your wife, | I'll help you in every way I can.

I'll make sure you get there. | [Sniffles]

God be with you, | Ezekiel.

Inside are your birth certificate, | farmer's driving permit...

marriage license | for the border crossing...

and $300.

- That's a lot of money, Uncle Wilhelm. | - We'll bring back any extra.

Here.

Listen to God.

- And return with God. | - I will, Mother.

Okay, now, when they ask you | why we're going to the States...

- what are you gonna say? | - We're going to return stolen money.

- That's an excellent answer. | - Thank you. I thought so too.

- It's excellent if you want to go to jail. | - What?

You say that, they're gonna figure you | were in on the robbery.

The first thing that they're gonna do | is burn your little hat.

And the second thing they're gonna do | is take your Bible away.

And the third thing | is the worst thing.

- What? | - Rats.

Rats in your face.

Rats all night long, | back and forth.

They seem to like faces more | than anything. They're bred that way.

They're called... face rats.

- Face rats? | - Mm-hmm.

So we're gonna have to lie | a little teeny bit.

Oh, I don't like to lie.

You like your face | to be eaten by rats?

[Sighs] | Okay. What do I have to say?

Repeat after me. We are going to | visit family in Montana for the day.

We are going... | to visit family...

in Montana for the day.

- Welcome to U.S. Of A. | - Thank you. [Laughs]

- Anything to declare? | - Uh, we are visiting family in Montana.

We're visiting family | in Montana.

All right. I ain't deaf. I heard you | the first time. Anything to declare?

[Clears Throat]

Family... in Montana... | for the day.

Do you have anything | to declare?

Anything you wanna | tell me about?

- All right, all right. | My brother robbed the fair. | - Shh.

- [Panting] Rats! | Rats on my face all night long! | - Please.

I don't wanna go to jail! | I hate face rats!

[Horn Honking]

[Horn Stops]

It is our honeymoon. | He's just nervous.

Pickin' 'em kind of green, | aren't ya?

They're still trainable | that way.

This farm permit isn't legal | in the United States, so you'll have to drive.

- He can try again when he starts to shave. | - [Laughs]

[Grunts]

[Whispers] | Okay.

[Engine Starts, Stalls, | Gears Grind]

[Engine Starts]

[Gears Grinding]

[Pops Into Gear]

[Gears Grind]

Welcome to the U.S. Of A.

- Why didn't you tell me you can't drive? | - I can't drive stick!

What is so hard? | Come on, it's simple!

- If it was so simple, I could do it! | - Look, okay.

You step on the clutch | and move the gears.

Then you let up on the clutch | and you step on the gas.!

- I'm doing that. | - No, you're not!

- [Engine Stalls] | - Aw! Why you stall so much?

A little faster. | Do it a little faster.

No, easily. Not so fast like that, | okay? Okay...

- Okay, shift now. | - I think you got it now.

This is where | our son died.

[Markowski] | Where's the girl?

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