Homo Erectus Page #3

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we all know how much the others listen to me.

I wonder if this sh*t's edible.

I'm sorry, man.

Nice.

I got one!

I'm so proud of you.

Now we gotta watch this?

Now we gotta look at this?

You know, this is ridiculous. If the only fish

in this stream are those little ones,

I don't know why don't we use my invention?

Shut up, Ishbo.

No one's interested in that

hairbrain thing you call it nut.

A net. Look, I'll show it to you.

You'll like this.

You just hold it onto the water

and the current rushes right through

all the little holes.

I'll be able to catch hundreds of them all in one time.

Really?

- Yeah.

Oh, yeah? That is great, look at this.

- You just cast it across.

We fish, like we always fish.

With spear.

Really Ishbo, we've always fish with spears.

Why try something new when the old way works?

Because if we can think of a better way to fish,

maybe we catch more fish.

Really, it's about time we start

thinking out of the box here, people.

An another thing:

What the hell is a box?

Though we never hung out much together,

there was one other member of the tribe

who was relegated to outcast status besides me.

You know, I guess you're one

that was always nice to me so,

Anybody is gonna understand me,

it's gotta be you.

Of course.

I don't know if you noticed it but

I've never been with a woman.

It's a sad coincidence, really.

Neither have I.

So I'm not the only total loser of the tribe.

That's good.

Let's not get crazy here, Rog,

what's the real problem?

The problem is, I don't feel in.

You know, I have no desire to club a woman.

No interest whatsoever.

- Another coincidence. Same with me.

I find it needlessly violent and disrespectful.

- So you and me were the same?

Cut from the same bolt of hide.

- Ishbo, why didn't you tell me this before?

What the is the matter with you?

Sorry, I'm sorry I misinterpreted what you said.

I'm so embarrassed.

Rog, when I said I hadn't been with a woman

it isn't because I don't want to be.

Right, it's because you don't

find them attractive. I'm sorry.

Right.

- OK, well, goodbye forever.

Wait, wait. Not so fast.

- So you are gay?

No!

It's just because you are, doesn't mean you have to

leave the tribe forever. This tribe is your home.

But I don't feel welcome here.

- Rog, this tribe is your family.

The courage you exhibit by

openly admiting your preference,

may inspire others will feel similarly

to speak up unafraid as well.

You'll be a pioneer, Rog.

You'll be a hero.

I've never thought about like that before.

You know, I do fell kind of liberated, you know.

Like a giant weight's been

taken off my shoulders.

Ishbo, you've taught me

a very valuable lesson here today.

You taught me not to be ashamed of who I am.

You know what, this is my home.

So, I'm not going anywhere.

In fact, I'm gonna march right over the tribe and yell:

Hey, I am a gay caveman!

Listen, Ishbo is gay, he is the gay one.

Though the result of Rogs admission

didn't go exactly as here I had hoped.

I'm sure Rog would've been equally proud to

know the sustenance that he provided to the tribe,

was greatly needed at this critical time near famine.

No, thanks, I'm on a diet.

- What's a diet?

Isn't that beautiful?

Yes, it is.

Ishbo!

I thought that we were over this.

We are best friends soon

to be in laws and that's it.

I can't help it, allright.

Just cause you're marrying my brother

doesn't mean I can shut a whole

lifetime of feelings off just like that.

Well, you're gonna have to try.

Really try.

You know what your problem is?

- What?

You too in your head.

You always trying to figure out the meaning behind everything.

Maybe you just need to turn off

your brain for once and be a little more animal.

Isn't that what sets us apart from the animals are brains?

- Here you go again.

Yeah, right, there I go again.

Because I, I can't help but believe

that we as a species, have the ability to evolve

way beyond sticks and stones to who knows what heights.

Allright, like, for example, OK?

What if it were possible one day

to contain light, allright?

A lot of light in a very small space and

concentrate that light into a very thin beam.

Allright? And what if we could use

that beam to burn off unwanted hair.

I mean, it's possible.

You totally insane.

You do realize this.

- Ish.

- Don't marry him, marry me.

Ishbo!

I'm telling you, you're making a huge mistake.

What does he have that I don't have?

- You really want me to answer that?

- No, forget that question.

Bad quesiton, OK?

Forget about that but seriously.

I really do think you're making a mistake.

I mean, sure he's got a lot of cromagnetism now

but once the giddy dumb face wears off,

you guys gonna have nothing to talk about.

Come on, marry me.

Not gonna happen, right?

We can blame a guy for tryin'.

- I suppose.

Can't you just be happy for me?

Under normal circumstances, your brothers

bachelor party sholud be a joyous occassion.

But for me, it was the opposite.

Have a little drink bro.

Ishbo, my little Ishbo.

We gotta hang out more often.

You know, do more brotherly things

together like, club chicks, double team.

You know, things that brothers should do together.

- Thudnik, aren't you about to be married?

Good one.

Look Ish, I know you always had

your little heart set on Fardart.

And I know I stole her away from you,

even though you never had a shot anyway.

But, I want you to know

I understand the situation here.

I'm gonna tell you something that I think

it's gonna make everything a lot better.

Thanks Thudnik,

I appreciate that, thank you.

She's a shitty lay.

Girl's got no instincts for getting the groove on,

you know, she's a rhythm killer.

Horrible flexibility, and

she gives a toothie bj.

You know, that's what I'm trying to tell you

Ishy, is you're not missing out on sh*t.

Maybe I'm not clubbing her hard enough

but I can barely even get a legs open, you know.

I mean, granted, it's good when I get it in there,

but I gotta work for it.

Who wants to do that?

You know it. Well, you don't really know

what I'm talking about, do you?

You're right Thudnik,

I feel a lot better now.

Thank you, may I have sip of that please?

Knock yourself out.

To get drunk, the tribe drank a beverage

that consisted of stream water,

fermented berries, mashed

grub worms, and urine.

I put some extra piss in there, for you.

Kiss me, Ishbo.

What have I done?

After a long morning of throwing up,

I gathered my spear.

Seems Zig and Zog had discovered

some fresh wolly mammoth tracks,

So for the first time in months,

we're on the hunt.

You know, I really should be back at the tribe.

I'm actually wolly mammoth phobic.

Call me crazy, I don't know but it just seems like

giant fur covered pachyderms that eat people are terrifying.

On that note, I'm actually gonna head back,

if you don't mind. I'll see you guys later.

You turn around and

I spear you in the back.

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