Homo Erectus Page #4

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My father, folks.

That's my dad.

I can taste it already, man.

- Yeah, wooly burgers, dude.

Dibs on the a**hole.

Hey, Borg, do you have more that water?

Sorry, dad.

- What?

What's the matter with you?

Watch this!

Hold this.

Here!

Great. Now I'm completely defenceless out here.

I have to go back now.

Good bye.

Keep walkin'.

What the hell is this supposed to be?

We're hunting wooly mammoth, not duck.

It's not duck camouflage, you idiot.

It's called a visor.

Keeps the sun out of my face.

You know how delicate my skin is?

Are you retarded?

Let's go.

Hello melanoma.

Wait, I got a rock in my shoe.

I got a rock in my shoe, hold up.

Jesus.

- Prints look pretty fresh, dude.

- It's about to be close by.

It was clear he's going that way.

- It looks to this tracks...

- Wow, those are some really big feet.

Well, you know what they say about big feet.

Big johnson, like me.

Came from behind these hills.

And looks to these tracks, he's alone.

What the hell is this now?

There's something wrong with that gentlman.

That had to hold to my penis.

Now, do you see why these

stupid things are bad idea?

Humans were not meant to wear pants.

My prototype!

I think he went over.

Goddamn, what the hell happened there?

It's poo.

I fell in poo.

You know boy? You are

dummer than dinosaur dumb.

- Eww, it reeks, man.

- Yeah, try takin' a mud bath in it.

What was it eating?

I don't think we wanna know

what was eating.

Look...

Why don't you reach back in there again

and see if you can find anything else.

Something could help us with the hunt.

Let's see what we are up against.

- Why me?

- Because we're already covered with the stuff.

That's a Binadraks nackles.

They all wear 'em.

That thing ate a whole Binadraks.

He's probably unarmed.

We're fine. We have spears.

That a good sign.

Anything else?

Couple of his friends.

You know what?

That's it!

Call me a chicken, spear me

in the back, I don't care.

That thing ate three whole Binadraks,

and used its spear

as a toothpick, OK?

I'm going back to the camp now, allright?

If you need me, I'll be under

a nice damp rock, crying.

Sayounara, suckers.

Holy Sh*t. Ishbo get out of his mouth!

No, my brother got eaten by a wolly mammoth,

let's get over it, knock with the hunt.

You got the arrow right in his ass, man.

I'm the king of the world.

Ishbo, God, you stink.

Bravo, not bad guys!

Let's congratulate these newly weds.

They will fill our tribe with

future hunters, warriors.

Now it was official.

Thudnik and Fardart were married.

I spilled my heart to her

and it made no difference.

She loved my brother.

Why is it that love can be more painful

than being eaten by wolly mammoth.

How can an abstract concept actually

fell more powerful than giant grinding bicuspids?

Just didn't make sense.

Maybe love was a cruel joke

being played on us by the Gods.

Perhaps they laugh at our weakness

when it comes to this silly feeling.

Hell, maybe there aren't even any

Gods after all. What do I know.

Help!

Everybody, come quick!

Hurry up! Come quick!

Help!

What the hell is this now?

Ishbo, is this, I don't wanna hear your stupid...

- No. A Binadraks spy.

A Binadraks spy, look.

A Binadraks spy.

That's right, he came up behind me with a rock

and he was gonna bash my skull and...

He was sneaking right up behind me.

And my keen sense of perception betrayed him.

Because I sensed him there and so then I,

I grabbed him around the head and...

flipped him over my back and

I got him a scissor-lock with my legs.

And then when I felt that I had

weakened him slightly

I used my wooly mamouth bone and I cracked him

over the skull and knocked him unconcious.

It was nothing.

We can torture him

for their battle plans.

This is just another Binadraks spy.

His name is Krots.

And he is one of the Binadraks most ruthless assassins.

Ruthless assassin?

He's also reputed to have mystical powers.

He bind the minds of animals

and make them do his evil bidding.

He was probably sent here to kill me.

Way to go, Ishbo.

You saved my life.

Thank you my son.

Way to go, Ishbo.

Some kind of magnificent hero

or something, man.

It was the best what he was did ever.

Where did you find the courage?

Well, you know, courage isn't found Fardart,

You either born with it or you're not.

I guess I was just born with it.

Where am I?

- Shut up, Binadraks spy.

What the hell with the Binadraks up to?

Spill your guts scumbag or I'll rip them out your stomach

and hang you from a tree with them.

Ooh, that sounds nasty.

What sounds nasty is

when I bite your tongue off

and spit it back in your mouth so

you can have some fun with yourself.

I'm not telling you anything.

Not telling you nothing.

If he changes his mind

after we introduce him to Mr. Fire.

You tell us, or I'm gonna slowly burn

your flesh while you begging for mercy.

Sh*t...

You want me to tell you warplan?

My war plan?

You can infect me with all the bodily harm

you wish to infect me

You can cut off my toes, you can cut of my fingers,

you can cut off my nose, you can cut off my penis,

you can pour burning firing ashes into

my ass but you know what?

I will not tell you anything!

Nothing!

Are we clear?

- Well, if it's torture you want,

Ishbo, pull off his shoes.

Maybe Zog should do it, because I'm actually

late for my high colonic right now.

That was good.

Smells good to me.

Here Ishbo, brush off his feet.

so we can set him on fire.

Ok, ok, I'll talk.

I'll tell you my war plan.

I'll tell you my war plan just stop tickling me.

Krots sang like a canary. He revealed that

his plan was indeed to kill my father,

to weaken our tribes leadership.

Then, on the morning after the next full moon,

the Binadraks were planning their big attack.

While everyone was in the cave

strategizing our retaliation war plan,

I was giving the important task of

guarding the prisoner.

What are you looking at big nose?

Nobody stinks up on old Ishbo the tickler

and gets away with it.

You know, sometimes, I tickle people,

just for lookin' at me funny.

You know, I'm mean.

I'm a mean mofu.

You know, one time I tickle the guy so hard,

he exploded. You should have seen this.

Messed me up inside,

filled me with hate.

I hate you.

That's why I wanna tickle you,

You know what I'd like to do right now?

I'd like to tickle you head right off.

Shame the others wanna keep you alive.

Cause you know what I'd like to do to you?

What would you like to do to me?

I'd like to give you

your feather back, sir.

What is it, where is he?

Hey, Ishbo, where is he?

He's like gone.

- Ishbo, you had one job.

- He's a mystical assassin.

I don't know how to...

What am I...

- Listen I...

- One job, moron.

Our intelligance has been compromised.

By tomorrow, that filthy spy will be at

Binadraks headquarters.

reporting all our most sensitive

military secrets.

What secrets?

- Shut up, Ishbo.

You're disgrace to the tribe. You're lucky

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