Homo Erectus Page #5

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we don't stone you to death for treason.

- Well...

- Cause I would, oh, yeah.

All able bodied men will report

for basic training at dawn.

Gentleman, we are at war.

Can I make a suggestion, please?

I told you to shut up!

- Dad?

Make it quick.

- Allright, I know this may sound crazy.

It's just so crazy it might work.

Let's flee.

Come on, Ishbo...

Bullshit.

A Moonagongoons do not flee.

- Dad, can I bash his skull now?

Just hear me out for a second, please.

Allright?

What are we fighting for? OK, does anyone even

remember why we're at war with the Binadraks?

Show off hands, please.

Allright, now we're finally getting somewhere.

If we can pinpoint the origins of this conflict

maybe we can reach some sort of peaceful resolution.

Old Fool, you've been around

longer than anybody.

What started this sensless wars

with the Binadraks in the first place?

I put a baby wombat up my rectum

a couple hours ago.

And from the feel of things it's still alive up there.

Company, fall in!

Atten-hut!

Allright ladies, let's looks like an army.

Suck in those guts.

stick out those chest.

Clinch those butt-tops.

Are you a bunch of yellow belly sissy?

Sir, no, sir.

Are you ready to kill?

Sorry, I'm late Thudnik. I was just scrawling

my last will and testament on the cave wall.

Just in case, you know.

Is there any way to address the

commanding officer, maggot?

Sir! When addressing a commanding officer, you always

show respect for his command by saying, sir!

We have to be so dramatic?

I mean, this's just us.

This army will not tolerated subordination.

If you refuse to address your commanding officer as sir!

It will be taken as a hostile gesture,

and you will be charged with treason

and executed. Do you understand?

Yes, sir!

Sir, yes, sir.

Yes, sir, sir.

No, not "Yes, sir, sir".

Sir, yes, sir.

That's what I said:

"Sir, yes, sir", sir.

High knees, high knees, high knees!

Come on, Ishbo, go.

Get the lead out.

Come on, Ishbo, move

move, move, move.

Ok, go.

I want my logs back in line!

I want my logs back in line!

What? Get back here.

Where you think you're going, Ishbo?

Are you f***ing retarded?

Come on, Ishbo,

let's see your belly crawl.

This is the easiest one.

You can not mess this up.

Do it with the elbow. Do it with the el...

No, that is not belly.

It's not belly crowl course!

Hey, Ishbo, that's army property!

I'm getting very confused. Is it, allright, hold on.

Is it:
"Yes, sir, sir"? Sir.

Or is it:

"Yes, sir, yes ,sir?" Sir.

Or is it:

Yes, sir. Sir, yes, sir, sir?

That's good for footing. That's what I like.

That's climb and conquer.

Now, that is climb and conquer.

See how he's got his foot up there in the west side ledge?

That's you do it.

Ishbo!

This is the stupidist thing

I've ever seen in my life, Ishbo.

Sir, yes, sir. Sir, yes, sir.

Sir, yes, sir.

Sir, yes, sir. Sir, yes, sir.

Is that so hard?

- No.

Sir, no, sir.

Sir, no, sir.

What the hell's matter with you?

- Here we go again.

Full moon came up fast.

Tomorrow morning was the big war.

As any good leader would, dad gave his

traditional pep talk to the troops on the eve of battle.

Man, tomorrow we fight in the honor of our cave.

Some of us may not make it out alive.

But know this:
It is a cause

worth dying for.

Well, that's debatable.

No dissension among ranks:

You are with us or you are against us.

Which is it, Ishmo?

- Ishbo, dad. - Oh, whatever.

Failure is not an option.

Failure is not an option!

Failure is not an option!

Failure is not an option.

Hey Bork, who is that guy?

- I thought that it was with you.

With me? Who do I know?

You don't think he is a Binadraks spy to you?

- Ishbo, would you shut up?

I'm trying to set myself up for battle.

Excuse me, do I know you?

Ishbo, benim.

- Who?

Fardart, what are you doing here?

Look like you would fight for our cave.

Have you lost you mind? War is no place

for a girl. Let's get the hell out of here.

We're gonna discuss this later.

- Let's hope.

Oh, sh*t!

Don't start fight without me!

Jesus!

Hey, Bork. Bork!

It's awesome! That was awesome!

Dad! Dad, are you OK?

No, Ishbo, I'm not OK.

I don't know, Dad.

It doesn't look so bad.

I mean, I'm sure you hope, you'll...

I'm sure youll pull through

Come closer.

Ishbo.

You always were an idiot.

My fathers last words.

Fardart, you saved my life!

The Moonagongoons has set women

to fight their battles?

I shall surely take pleasure in this spoil.

I was paralyzed with fear.

I turned to Thudnik to tell him that dad was dead,

and Fardart had been kidnapped.

As the new head of the tribe, he took charge,

in his own, inimitable fashion.

Retreat! Retreat!

Thudnik!

Get all the club back there.

Get all the club.

We have to go save Fardart.

I can't believe you people.

Get Fardart, will you? We gotta get out of here

before the Binadraks come.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, didn't we just

go to war to defend this cave?

Dad died for this cave. Now we just

all up and leaving?

Oh, this awful cave? You father liked this place

but I never liked this place very much.

Come on, get your little

inventions and let's go.

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

Thudnik, Fardtart is your fart.

Who knows what those Binadraks

are doing to her, right now.

Exactly. You think I wanna touch that b*tch again

after the Binadraks seed is spoiled her?

Beside, plenty other women to club.

Hey, what's up?

You know what? I'm going to save her, then.

Ishbo, you leave right now, and you'll be deem to deserter

and that's treason, which is punishable by death.

Mom?

Nice shot, mom.

Well, if rescuing the woman that I love since childhood

is treason then I'm guilty as charged.

Screw you, screw you,

screw all of you. Good bye.

Ishbo, get back here.

- No, I'm going.

Get back here, Ishbo!

- What can you do about it?

Ishbo, get back here. - This is me leaving.

- Ishbo, come on guys, let's get him!

You better .. Ishbo, if I ever

see you again, I'll kill you.

You hear me?

Kill you.

Pack it up. Come on.

The further I traveled

the clearer it became.

I'd always assumed that the answer to

lifes riddles were so complicated.

But could the meaning of life

really just be about love?

Love was more powerful than a

charging wolly mammoth, a ruthless assassin spy,

and a war.

Once Fardart saw that Thudnik

and the tribe had abondoned her,

and that I had risked life and limb to save her.

I knew she would finally see that

I was the only man for her,

And she, only woman for me.

Freeze!

Or die, male stranger.

Me?

Sh*t.

Look at this pa-thetic excuse for male.

- This is a mistake. - Shut up.

Release him.

Idiot.

Thank you, Ovaria.

Oestrogenia, Vixette and Titsia.

So, what have we here?

A little worthless nibbling man.

We, the citizens of Gynaecropolis

despise men.

We were once members of other tribes,

tribes led by men.

We were relentlessly clubbed and dragged into caves

against our will over and over again.

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