Hoodwinked Page #4

through the river, you'll get all wet.

You see, Twitchy, you get lemons,

you make lemonade.

And then that lemonade goes bitter

and ferments and turns to pig swill.

Never trust a bunny

with directions, Twitchy.

Sure thing, boss. Never trust a bunny!

The bright side is,

at least l finally dried off.

Ohh!

Why couldn't l write movie reviews?

We are in a pickle, and l blame myself.

That bunny was worthless, not to mention

he wrote directions on an Easter egg,

- which is hard to read.

- We're gonna die here!

Hey, now, that's what they said

at The Alamo.

[growling]

Wha... what was that? Who's that?

Aaah!

[both screaming]

Uhh!

Hey, look where we are. More cave.

- Hey, whazzi-lookie!

- With God as my witness,

you will learn to speak.

Look! A way out.

But l was just... Ahh!

Follow me.

Hmm...

- Huh?

- Oome on.

# Train

# Train

# Living like a bandit #

Now, this is a shortcut.

Whazzat? Sounds like an avalanche!

Well, Twitchy, that's natural.

lt's just Old Man Mountain

showing us who's boss.

Hey, lookie!

A box of candles! A big box!

Box of candles? Light 'em up!

Wow, that's nice and bright.

What kind of candles are those?

- Deen-a-meet-tay. Must be ltalian.

- Ah! Lose the candle!

- But l...

- Ahhh!

Got it.

Ahhh!

[screaming]

[whistling in distance]

[Red] Aaahhh!

- Did you hear something?

- Hm?

Hm. Oome on, let's get to Granny's.

Hello! Paper boy.

Publisher's, uh...

Oandygram.

What do we do, boss?

Ohh!

[Wolf] Lucky for me, Granny keeps

her merchandise around the cottage.

Disguise was the only way

to catch this girl

in the act of smuggling.

[high-pitched voice]

Sweetie-pie! Sugar plum!

[clears throat]

Hug your granny, little pudding pop.

Aww!

Boy, that's hot. OK, change of plans.

- You can be Granny.

- [knocking]

She's coming!

- Wa-dee-dee!

- Ohh!

[Red] Granny! lt's me, Red.

- ls everything OK?

- Yeah, sure thing. Oome on in.

[chief] Pretty thin, Wolf.

You said the old lady

was already tied up.

- How did that happen?

- l don't know,

maybe to make herself look innocent.

l just write the news, chief,

l don't make it.

For a reporter, you have

a strange way of doing yourjob.

What can l say?

l was raised by wolves.

- Got a way to back this up?

- l got these pictures developed.

That so? Let's have a look.

These are good.

- Here's a nice one of you, Wolf.

- Ugh!

l wanna do a gallery show.

A coffee table book.

l don't drink coffee.

A Ohai tea latte book.

Photos don't lie, chief.

- Good work, Twitchy.

- Arghh.

Now, l want to know more

about this fellow with the ax.

How does he fit into all of this?

Maybe you should

''ax'' him yourself. [laughing]

You see? ''Ax'' him? He was saying...

l'll bring him in.

Ohh!

[German accent] Hmm. Hello.

My, my. You're a big fellow, aren't you?

- Shop at the Big and Tall store?

- This is a big and tall mistake.

l would not hurt a butterfly.

Then what's this? A letter opener?

That's a funny accent

you got there, choppy.

l can do the cowboy accent.

Howdy, partner!

lndeed you can.

Say, before you ride off

into the sunset, hopalong,

you think you could

rustle up information?

l will do my best.

How about explaining what

you were doing in the forest?

Oh! l am working

to make good my call-back!

Your what-what?

Paul's Bunion Oream

has a soothing formula

to make the bunions

head for the hills!

- This guy's a loon.

- Watch it, chief. My mama's half-loon.

Your call-back.

You mean, like, for an audition?

Yes! For the bunion cream.

l must find my wood-cutting self

to book the spot.

- The what?

- The commercial.

- He's an actor.

- Oh, boy.

Arghh!

Paul's Bunion Oream

has the soothing formula...

[male] No, hold it! Hold it!

- Stop. ''Arghh''?

- Uh-huh.

What are you, some kind

of German pirate or something?

l just got the script,

like, five minutes ago.

- You're not getting it.

- l'm trying.

- My name Kirk.

- Kirk. OK, Kirk.

What makes you feel proud

and strong and mighty?

What puts a fire

in your belly, Steven?

- Oh! My dream!

- Yes, yes! Your dream!

To travel the world

with the greatest singing group

of all time...

...the Happy Yodelers!

# To yodel for the people

# To hear the applause

# My dream #

- [crashing]

- Sorry.

Listen. We'll look at your tape

and we'll give you a call, OK?

Thanks for coming in.

Have a nice life. Next!

[bell rings]

[Kirk] That was

my first audition in months.

- [Red singing]

- Then it was back to my day job.

l drive a schnitzel truck.

lt's not such a bad job.

After all, l bring much joy

to the childrenl

# Schnitzel!

Mommy, Mommy!

l want a schnitzel stick!

Ooh, the schnitzel man!

[yodeling]

[woman] # Schnitzel, the favorite treat

For little girls and boys to eat

# Schnitzel man can serve them quick

# lt's a schnitzel on a stick

# No more spoons

Use your hands

[woman] # Says

the friendly schnitzel man

# Make sure you keep an extra one

# For later in your lederhosen

- [yodeling]

- [kids cheering]

- [Kirk] Schnitzel!

- Ow!

- [woman] # Schnitz...

- [record scratches]

What the schnitzel?

My schnitzel truck,

it's been piddly... piddle-llaged...

They stole everything!

[all groaning]

[Boingo] Oh, that's too bad.

lt's not easy being in the

goody business these days, huh?

l'm getting schnitzeled

left and right today.

l cannot even sell the bunion cream.

- Now l'm gonna lose my job!

- Ohin up, mister.

Maybe someday somebody

will open up a great big goody shop

and we can all work

for that little guy.

- Oh, yeah... What?

- [phone ringing]

Uhh...

- Hello?

- Kirk! Yeah, baby, listen.

We got the client here,

we looked at your tape,

and we think we might have a real

''Hercules goes bananas'' angle on this.

- So we want you to come back in.

- Oome back in?

lt's a call-back.

[Kirk] l had always heard

about call-backs,

but l had never gotten onel

A call-back?

Ahh! What do l do?

You come back tomorrow,

do the same you did today,

only this time you do it good.

Oan you handle that?

- l will. l can do it!

- OK.

Now, l want you

to go out into the wild

and l want you to find that

tree-chopping side of yourself.

You find your inner woodsman, Ourtis.

Don't act like a woodsman,

be a woodsman. Got it?

Yes, l can!

Find an ax, start swinging, OK?

l've gotta be in a circle wipe

across town, but l'll see you at 10:00.

l have to go

and find the little woodsman...

...in me!

OK. Well, tell him l said hello.

[grunting]

[growling]

Ay! Ay-ay-ay-ay!

Ooh!

Ha-ha!

Goodbye!

Hup, hup!

- [car alarm sounding]

- [chattering]

- [birds chirping]

- Sorry, little birds!

Run!

[Kirk] l had done itl

l had found

the little woodsman inside of mel

[gasps]

Yes.

Paul's... Bunion...

...Oream...

...has the soothing formula...

...to make your bunions...

...head for the hills! [laughs]

Right!

...bunion...

...cream...

...has the soothing...

...formula...

[screaming in distance]

Hello?

[cracking]

Ohh...

Oh, schnitzel!

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