Hoodwinked Page #5

Aah! Aah!

Ohh! Ohh!

Aahhh!

l'm taking Granny down,

and you're next!

Aahhh!

[all screaming]

[silence]

So you didn'tjump through

the window, you were pushed?

- Yes.

- By a tree.

Yes.

Because you were pretending

to be a woodsman.

- That's right!

- To sell foot cream.

l got the call-back!

And good for you.

Well, l think it's safe to say

that our thespian friend here

knows the least about anything

of anyone in this room.

Exactly! What does that mean?

That it all points to Granny.

[Nicky] What about it, Granny?

Maybe you're not the sweet goody-maker

everyone thinks you are.

Are you stealing recipes

to protect your sugar-coated kingdom?

Oh, no, Mr. Flippers.

The only crime l've ever committed

is making my goodies

unlawfully delicious!

My granny doesn't keep secrets.

And even if she did,

she'd tell me about it.

We tell each other everything.

Right, Granny?

Sure, dear. Mostly.

- Mostly?

- What are you hiding, old girl?

My family worries too much.

l didn't want them to find out.

- Find out what?

- Yeah. What?

- [door opens]

- [Bill] Hey, chief!

Oheck this out!

[all gasp]

When did they make that a sport?

l noticed you have three G's

tattooed on the back of your neck.

That's appropriate, since there

are three strikes against you.

lt's true.

l'm not like other grannies.

l never did like the quilting bees

and the bingo parlors.

l'd rather live life to the extreme.

[# Oory Edwards:
The Real G]

# Here come the real G

# She don't need bling-bling

She got a set of wings

# From all the fame

and the pain that she brings

# Neck and neck

you know she gets respect

# She's like a special effect

with every record she wrecks

# You think you see Aunt B

but you get Mr.

# Underneath the beehive

is the new Bruce Lee

# l count to three before you see

a ball of four-foot-three

# With the money for nothing

and her tricks for free

# Seventy-five, alive

and a hardcore biddy

# Still making half pipe

hand plants look pretty

# ln the woodie with the goodies

for the Jacks and Jills

# More power to the granny

with the skills #

A trip up the mountain

is too dangerous for a little girl.

l'm not so little anymore.

Please, dear, you just keep the recipes

there, and everything will be fine.

- But...

- l have to go now. My program's on.

Kisses.

Time to shred some powder!

Time to shred some powder!

[Granny] l didn't have time

for Red to visit today.

l was on my way to the big

Xtreme Dream Snowsports Competition.

l've been training

three months for this one.

[man over PA] Nothing but solid snow,

and the top maniacs are here

to teach this mountain a lesson.

# Buck teeth

Bark in my claws

# l'm a tree critter

# Sticks and stones

are my bread and bones

# l'm a tree critter

- Triple G, what's up, baby?

- Granny, what's happening?

What up, my homeys?

You ready to get spanked?

So, what's the dizzo, grizzo?

You ready to floss that hill, playa?

- Fo' shizzle!

- Yeah, gimme some love.

G, you checking the hardcore

European team over there?

Those guys put the Saber-Tooth Brothers

in the hospital yesterday!

On the real, it's gonna be

wicked out there!

You let me worry

about those player-haters.

Oh, l almost forgot.

l made you kids some snicker-doodles.

- Yo!

- Tight!

Yeah, snicker-doodles!

Give it up! Give it up!

Snickadeedoo!

# You can take the critter

out of the tree

# But you can't take the tree

out of the tree critter's needs

# Now this critter's gotta run

with the birds and the bees

Well, what's your name?

Just put, ''To my biggest

and cutest fan, Boingo.''

And then, like, put some X's and O's

and a little smiley-face.

[man] All contestants

to the starting linel

[chuckles]

[growling]

- Oh, yeah.

- [bleating]

[Austrian accent] Be careful,

Granny Puckett.

Old ladies get hurt on these slopes.

Bring it, honey.

[Klaxon blares]

Aahhh!

Yo, Granny!

l know you did notjust

swing your pole at me!

- You're little! You're small!

- Yeah? Well, take that, yo!

Whoa-oh-oh-oh!

- Yeah. [laughs]

- Watch that skier!

- Whoa! Look out!

- So it's like that?

You wanna play now? Get some of this!

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Woo-hoo!

[Granny] That must have been right about

when Red called me the second time.

l always forward my phone

when l leave the house.

- [Red] Granny?

- What's that? Who's there?

- Take that, from Mr. Big Muscleman!

- Want some of this?

Ha-ha!

[gasps] Gotta go, munchkin! Bonsai!

- Uhh!

- Uhh!

Ya!

Ohh! Aww!

Oh, you're not so bad!

[Granny screaming]

- Who do you work for?

- l can't tell you that.

- Young man, you tell me this instant!

- All right!

We were hired by the Bandit!

Who is the Bandit?

- Ha!

- [screaming]

Granny is finished.

Now we go after

the little red-hooded girl.

[gasps] Red!

Ooh! Ooh! Oohhh!

'Afternoon.

[panting]

Oh, applesauce.

[# Todd Edwards:
Eva Deanna]

# Eva Deanna

My sister is your mama

# She fell from heaven

like a loaf of manna

# Put her in pajamas

and read her a book about animals

# The way they sound

and how they look

# She likes to stomp around

# She buckles on her shoes

to make it loud

# Singing the wheels on the bus

go round and round

# l hold her ankles up

so she can dangle upside-down

# An avalanche is coming

and l do not feel prepared

lt's just Old Man Mountain

showing us who's boss.

[Granny] Woo-ha-ha!

[all] Ahh!

# You can't rearrange her

# She's no stranger to danger

# Whoa, oh, oh, oh

Whoa, oh, oh

# With golden locks on her head #

l wish l had a video camera! Whoo!

[# Todd Edwards:
Glow]

# Rolling on the edge

# Of the afternoon

# The glow of the sun

# Tells you that your day is not done

# Pay the clock hand no mind

# l can't rewind

# But time is a friend of mine

[gasps] Red!

[gasps]

Granny?

Use the hood, Red!

Use the hood!

Ah, that's my girl.

# Ba-ba, da-dum-ba-ba-ba-ba

# Ba-ba, da-dum-ba-ba-ba-ba

# And it's all right

l guess it's just one of those days.

# Rollin'in the afternoon #

[grunting]

Whoa... whoa, whoa! Hey! Hey!

Hey, hey, hey! Whoa! Uhh!

[Twitchy] What do we do, boss?

[Wolf in high-pitched voice]

Sweetie-pie! [clears throat] Sugar plum!

[normal voice] Boy, that's hot.

OK, change of plans.

- You can be Granny.

- [knocking]

[Twitchy] She's coming!

Wee-dee-dee.

[laughing] Hi.

[Red] Granny! lt's me, Red.

ls everything OK?

[Wolf as Granny]

Yeah, sure thing. Oome on in.

[Granny] Eventually l was able to use

the squirrel to break down the door.

Ow! That hurts!

[Wolf] l'm taking Granny down,

and you're next!

[Granny] l could've handled

that wolf myself.

But then the craziest thing happened.

[glass breaks, all screaming]

[all continue screaming]

Honey, don't look

at your granny like that.

l'm sorry, l thought you were Triple G.

Or are you the Bandit?

Awkward!

- You're being ridiculous, Red.

- l'm being ridiculous?

You're off living... la vida loca,

risking your life for some dumb thrills,

and l'm supposed to stay home

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