Horrible Bosses 2 Page #11

- You know what, then? Get the f*** on.

- That's what I said. Get the f*** on.

- Wait a minute.

- I don't like this.

- I wanna hear what he has to say.

- Now you wanna hear?

- You got one on the hook.

- It'll cost 51 percent share of your company.

You're out of your f***ing mind.

It's gonna cost you 2 percent share

of your company.

- So weird how you negotiate.

- It won't be in existence. You can have that.

- There's a middle ground.

- Here's the advice, young men.

Y'all criminals.

- It's never good advice.

- I can't find the advice.

It's not even true, actually.

We're not criminals. All right?

- We got clicked into this.

- Shut up.

See, you can't have this both ways.

Every time you guys come here, you're like,

"We're a bunch of happy-go-lucky guys.

Through no fault of our own,

we found ourselves in another pickle.

We can't get our fingers out of our asses."

F*** that.

You're f***ing criminals.

You've tried to kill your bosses.

One of them ended up dead. And now you

want to perpetrate a kidnapping?

You three are the craziest motherfucking

criminals I've ever seen in my life.

You wanna pull this sh*t off?

You gotta act like it.

Word.

Oh. That was embarrassing.

We're trying to do a super cool

slow-mo walk.

- Come on, man.

- Easy.

- It's over. Let's go.

- Where you going?

- Moronic idea. I am mortified.

- Come on, man. Let's do the walk.

You gotta stick with it.

What do you think?

Should I beat myself up more?

No, you don't need to hit yourself anymore.

I think we should just make the call.

Hold on. Before we kick this thing off,

can I just say something?

I'm not really, ugh, good at this kind of thing,

you know? Um...

My mom died when I was 4, and, um...

You know, when you're raised

by Bert Hanson...

...most of your friends are shitheads.

Um...

Yeah. I know I dragged you guys into this,

but I'm not sorry.

Because.

...I'm really glad I met you guys.

Anyway, I want you guys to have this.

- What is it?

- It's an actual fang from Predator.

- Predator the movie?

- Yep.

I want you to have it.

- For real?

- Swear to God.

Do you like Predator?

Yeah, I like Predator.

- Kurty?

- Yeah. Yeah, I like Predator too.

I mean "also," not the sequel.

- Nick?

- Oh, well...

...I didn't like Predator when I first saw it...

...but it grew on me quite a bit.

I like Predator a great deal.

Are we talking about him or Predator?

I'm terrible with metaphors.

- Let's make the phone call.

- It was lost on me.

Most things are.

Yeah.

You got that cash?

- Yeah, I got it.

- Yeah.

Now, I want you to sashay up

to the 4th Street Bridge.

You're gonna find a bench about halfway up,

take a load off.

And you bring the amount that we

agreed upon and you come alone.

And if you do, you will find your son

returned home lickety-splickety.

Fourth Street Bridge,

he's gonna have him drop it over the side.

Now, I want every inch covered,

but everyone holds a safe distance.

Yeah, but not too safe a distance.

Understand?

This bag is your number f***ing one

priority.

No, actually, your son's life

is our number one priority.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I think I do.

Does anybody have a visual?

Bridge is still clear, chief.

Hanson approaching. ETA, two minutes.

The Blade is in position.

Majestic, in position.

I am in...

Kill Shot is in position.

- Whoa, "Kill Shot"?

- Yeah, I wanna be Kill Shot.

- Then you are Kill Shot. I love it.

- Pretty sweet name there, Nick.

Ooh. We don't wanna use real names

if we're using code names, Dale.

- Don't say my name, Kurt.

- Mine was an accident. Yours was on purpose.

- I don't think yours was an accident.

- What?

Why are we on walkie-talkies

in the same room?

We're checking the equipment.

We don't need to.

He's on a TV remote control.

I was trying to participate.

I didn't have anything to--

Hey. Hold up. The Blade's got a visual.

He's here. He's here.

- Here we go.

- Oh, sh*t.

- All right. Kill Shot, make the call.

- I'm dialing. Here we go.

Oh, my God.

Hey, what's that? Who's calling you?

- I don't know. It's blocked.

- Oh, no.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- Who is this?

- It's me, dickless.

You're supposed to call the dark phone.

It's in your hand.

You were to tape that under the bench.

No, that's not-- Oh, wait.

Oh.

Oh, sh*t. So, what phone does he have?

Bert has Kurt's phone

with our contact information on it.

And the pictures of us

from when we used to be friends?

Knock it off. Look, this is no big deal.

We'll do it tomorrow.

As long as we don't call, he'll never find it.

He found it.

- He what? How?

- We are screwed.

- Sh*t.

- Wait, wait, wait. I got an idea. I got an idea.

Call your phone. If he's talking,

he's not gonna look through it.

- What's your number?

- You don't know?

- I don't know my number.

- I don't know. I never call myself.

I know both of your numbers. 323--

- That's all I need. I got there. Here we go.

- Okay, yes.

- Here we go. Okay. All right. Ahem.

- Right, okay.

Call coming in. "Roar" by Katy Perry.

These guys are confident.

Yeah, hello.

Look like the grasshopper found himself...

- ...a blade of grass to sit upon.

- Too much.

- Hello.

- Let's get this over with, pretend cowboy.

Now, listen, I need you to proceed

to the Mandrake Hotel.

I need you to go underground into parking.

I need you to get to Spot 4421.

You're gonna see a big old bag there.

Fill it up.

And then I need you to proceed north

onto Figueroa and await further instructions.

Wait, wait.

And don't think we don't know you got the law

with you. That's something we do know.

All right? So if any of them cavalry

follow you down in the garage...

...I'm personally gonna stick a hot poker

so far up your son's ass...

...I'm gonna pop his teeth like popcorn!

See? We're back on track.

I gotta get that phone back.

So many dick pics.

- Really?

- Yeah, not all mine, though.

With game-time traffic, he could be here

in less than 10 minutes. How we doing?

- Almost done.

- Where are the bellhop costumes?

- What?

- Bellhop costumes.

Aren't we dressed as bellhops

when we escape with the money?

This place doesn't have bellhops.

- It doesn't?

- No.

I thought there was supposed to be

some sweet-ass--

- What the f*** are these?

- It's not Halloween.

- Best I could do on short notice.

- It's not scary.

- Hey, how do I look?

- Who the hell are you?

- It's me, Kurt.

- I know that part.

Terrible. You don't look like Bert,

you look like Mark Twain.

None of this is like I pictured when we were

planning it. Everything was cooler.

He just has to look good from a distance.

- Here we go. Let's do it.

- Let's roll.

Let's just do what we gotta do,

do it confidently and, uh, we should be fine.

- Here we go.

- Oh.

- Hi, boys.

- Oh, hi.

You staying at the hotel, or is this your hotel?

You staying here?

I've been keeping my eye on you

since you broke into my office.

I don't know what's going on here,

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