Horrible Bosses 2 Page #4

- That's the Chicago way!

- Chicago way!

- Cut them open. I want his family dead.

I want his house burned down,

and I'll get a baseball bat.

- Come on, man, come on.

- F*** their skulls!

- Come on.

- Come on.

We'll f***ing kill them.

If we've learned one thing

about ourselves, it's that we're not murderers.

- How does killing them get us our money?

- What do you mean?

You harvest their organs,

sell them on the black market.

Be f***ing serious. Come on.

This is not helpful. Think seriously.

You're right. There's other

things people have done.

- There's plots.

- For money.

- The plot of the movie Speed.

- Yes, there you go. Put a bomb on a bus.

So we'll rig a bus so that when

it goes below 50 miles an hour, it blows up.

- What the f*** is that?

- You said no idea was a bad idea.

I was wrong. That idea sucks,

the movie sucks and so do you.

That movie introduced us to Sandy Bullock.

F*** you! I love Sandra Bullock!

I'm running hot.

I'm sorry. I'm running hot.

The whole f***ing thing's got me upset.

Give me the marker,

I'll get a better idea.

Want the marker?

Give me $500,000, that's what we need.

- Gonna hold the marker ransom?

- Call it what you want.

I need a half a million dollars.

I don't need sh*t ideas and a bunch of hot air.

Come on.

Dale.

- Boom. Marker drop.

- "Kidnaping."

- That's "kidnapping."

- With one more P it is. That's "kidnaping."

However the f*** you spell it. You know what

I'm talking about. Kidnapping. Come on.

Wait a second. That's a f***ing great idea.

Think about it. First of all, we kidnap Rex.

- We get money from Bert.

- Ransom money.

We save the business.

No one has to die.

- Nobody gets hurt.

- He is the kid of Bert.

Right, but he's not super young.

- So it's not super douchey and sh*t.

- It's not all molesty and sh*t.

What do you know

about executing a kidnapping?

- What do you mean? You just...

- You get zip ties.

You don't know sh*t about kidnapping.

Okay, we don't know a ton.

But I bet we know someone that does.

- Who?

- Motherf***er Jones.

- Oh, Jesus.

- Wouldn't it be good to see him?

We're not gonna go see Motherf***er Jones

because we're not gonna "kidnape" anyone.

Come on, this guy's a master business prick.

He's at the top of his game.

We need to figure out--

Boy, look what we got.

Is that a Sharpie?

- Hang on. What was a Sharpie doing there?

- You put it there.

I did put it on there.

- You're in charge of marker distribution.

- I know I'm the marker guy.

Permanently on the board now.

This illustrates my point, idiots.

We need to find somebody who's legitimate.

We need to find someone

who can get us our company back.

Hello, Nick...

...guy who saved my life...

...guy who f***ed my wife.

It was a blow job. It was a blow job, only.

Didn't f*** her.

You got my e-mail?

I did. And I was very amused by it.

I know Bert Hanson. I like the cut of his jib.

And I admire the way he bent you three idiots

over a barrel and showed you the 50 states.

- Ah. See? Told you it was a saying.

- Wow.

Now, Nick, just tell me something.

Why would you start production...

...without at least a guarantee

of 35 percent down...

...to cover manufacturing costs?

I mean, why would you do that?

- Is he telling a joke?

- Is something funny?

Uh, we assumed that we were dealing

with somebody who was ethical--

No, that's the wrong answer.

The right answer is because...

...you're all f***ing morons.

Boy, he shined a light on that, didn't he?

That's true. You're absolutely right.

You thought I was such a bad boss.

But, I don't know, I think running

your own company into the ground...

...ruining the livelihood of your employees

is maybe a bit worse. What do you think?

- That's fair.

- Should I be on the phone if I'm taking notes?

- I'm not getting any of what he's saying.

- It's just a lot of rhetorical questions.

So, what do you want from me, Nick?

With all due respect,

you know what makes a guy like that tick.

So if you could give us some advice

on how to get our money back...

...I will play real nice at your next

parole hearing. How does that sound?

- You would do that for me?

- Yes, I would.

Okay. I think I can help you.

He's gonna help? Okay, I got a notepad.

I got a notepad.

From a legal standpoint...

"Legal standpoint."

...your options are...

- "Options are..."

- Legal options.

...jack f***ing sh*t.

I heard "Jack Leibowitz." Is that an attorney?

- I'll write that down.

- Can we get his contact info?

Even if you had the money

to fight him in the courts...

...his lawyers are just gonna file motions

and continuances...

...long after you three pissant little fuckups...

...have blown your tiny little brains out.

You saying nothing can be done?

No, I said there's nothing you can do.

There's plenty that could be done,

but you won't do it.

- And do you wanna know why?

- No, not really.

- Because you have no balls.

- I see.

And your fathers had no balls.

You are all a product of generations

of ball-less men...

...who were too weak or too frightened

to stand up and take what was theirs.

And one day, you will pass on...

...your empty, shriveled sacs

to your own pitiful offspring.

- I can't hear. What is he talking about?

- Our nut sacs, mostly.

How'd that come up?

- Why don't you pitch him the kidnapping?

- Let the kidnapping go.

- Pitch him the kidnapping.

- Show some balls, all right?

Wanna see balls? Kidnap someone.

You'll end up in here.

You'll see plenty of balls on your forehead.

- Mm.

- Why are they on my forehead?

- Was the dick on top of my head?

- Makes no sense.

- Oh, I'm upside down.

- You sure are. Your face is getting f***ed.

Motherf***er.

Mm-hm. So y'all plan to use the ransom

to save your business.

- Exactly, yeah. That's it.

- That's what we're hoping.

Will you tell these idiots

how stupid that is, please?

Ah. I like it.

- Nice. See?

- I knew he'd like it.

You're doing what you need to

to keep your business going.

I had a dream for a long time

to get my own business.

Yeah.

I wanted to open my own Pinkberry.

- Ha, ha.

- What the f*** is the chuckles about?

Oh, I thought you were joking.

See how many crackers line up to get

that Captain Crunch-covered freezing sh*t?

- I eat it three times a week. I love Pinkberry.

- Hey, that's awesome.

- You like Pinkberry?

- I'm lactose intolerant.

- Right.

- You got an African-American belly?

- Because black people suffer from lactose.

- Oh, okay, good, well--

- We got some kind of kinship.

- Yeah, cool, man.

- Stool soft?

- It can be.

- Bottom tender.

- Yeah, bottom's fine.

If somebody took my Pinkberry,

I wouldn't take that sitting down.

- You would fight.

- I will cut a motherf***er in half.

You wouldn't kidnap someone

because you can't successfully pull it off.

Name me a kidnapping movie...

...where the kidnappers weren't dead

or incarcerated at the end.

- 9 to 5, a**hole.

- 9 to 5.

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