Horrible Bosses 2 Page #5

- Name me two movies, then.

- You said name one.

- I nailed one right on you.

- 9 to 5 was this movie--

I know what the f*** 9 to 5 is.

It's about the white b*tch with the big titties.

- Yeah.

- She got old, the titties stayed young.

I'm not gonna kidnap someone

based on 9 to 5.

- That's because you Jane Fonda.

- You're the scaredy-cat one.

You're always the last to man up.

You're dragging your feet.

Why are you here

if you're not gonna participate?

First of all, if anyone,

I'm the smart one. I'm Lily Tomlin.

- But I won't have this conversation.

- Please, I'm Lily Tomlin, if anybody is.

Sitting in the big chair,

giving David O. Russell sh*t.

- Yeah, he's got the 'tude. You're Fonda, man.

- You're Jane Fonda.

- That makes you Dolly Parton.

- Great. Woman's got her own theme park.

- She's a national treasure.

- Two national treasures.

Can I pose a question to you colonizers?

Happened a long time ago.

How do you kidnap somebody

without them knowing...

...they've been kidnapped?

- Okay.

- You smarten up, and you don't even do it.

- He's a black sphinx. I like it.

- He threw a riddle our way.

- How do you--?

- Voodoo. Voodoo?

I can give you the answers.

- Fifty thousand.

- No.

- We can't.

- Six hundred?

You should not run a Pinkberry. Sorry.

- The weirdest negotiating style.

- We don't have money.

You know, we're here because

we have zero dollars. We're broke.

F*** it. Give me the watch.

- Nope.

- Give him your watch.

- I'm not giving him this. This is a Tag Heuer.

- This is a wrist without a watch.

Come on. It's just material things.

Can't take it with you.

You can borrow it

while you tell us a shitty plan.

All right.

Slip him a mickey.

Give me the watch back.

You sneak into his crib at night.

Find out whatever his beverage of choice is

before he goes to bed.

You slip the mickey in the beverage.

Knock him out nice and easy.

And you keep that b*tch sedated

until Daddy pays up.

It's not a crazy idea,

but it's not worth a Swiss watch.

- That could work.

- Hmm. That's great. That makes total sense.

- He doesn't see our faces.

- We're ghosts. We don't even exist.

- When you say "mickey--"?

- A date-rape drug. Where do you get those?

- Where do I get them?

- Uh-- Yeah.

Because of the hue of my skin

I know where to get date-rape drugs?

- You brought up the date-raping.

- You got N word in your eyes.

- Why are your eyes saying the N word?

- Klan eyes.

- You've got Klan eyes.

- You ever take a eye test?

- Yes.

- All you pick out is the K.

- I see every letter.

- He does have Klan eyes.

You can see them poking out

behind that sheet.

- It's just ridic-- I can't-- It's so upsetting.

- Let me ask you a question.

When you got raped by Julia, what did she

use to knock you out? Laughing gas?

- Oh, right.

- That'll work.

- That's interesting.

- You have keys to the office?

- No, but I know the code.

- Yes.

Okay. You did it again.

- For the record, I am not racist.

- You're the best. Thanks.

- Let's go. See you.

- Good to see you.

Surprisingly helpful.

Any way I can get the watch back?

F*** out of here, Jane Fonda.

That's a tough one.

And you can't f*** all three, right?

- You cannot.

- Not the game. Okay.

Well, then I would marry Peter,

kill Bobby, and f*** Greg.

- That's what I'd do too.

- Yeah?

- I think that's the only way to play it.

- It makes sense.

- How'd you do?

- I did great.

I got extra supplies.

I think we gotta be more careful this time.

- Absolutely. So smart.

- I got a magazine to cut up the ransom note.

- Can't be writing it by hand.

- Smart.

Bride Again Magazine?

To throw the cops off if they start snooping

to figure out where the letters came from.

- Dora the Explorer walkie-talkies?

- Awesome.

- It's not a spy store. It's a convenience store.

- Didn't wanna just use our phones?

Let's use our phones. They make a record

of everything that we say and do.

- Do you watch the news?

- My apologies.

Hey, Obama. I'm breaking into my old office.

It's just the three of us doing this,

not us and the NSA.

- I'm trying to help us out.

- Heh.

- Did you get scissors?

- I got some scissors.

- I don't see any latex gloves in here.

- They're, like, super expensive.

- How much?

- Nine bucks a pair.

- That's ridiculous.

- Right?

- It's the only thing you went in there to buy.

- She's got a ton of gloves in her office.

We'll just use those.

You need them to get inside,

so we don't leave fingerprints.

That's right. You dummy.

Don't you know that?

Know what we can do?

We can use my golf gloves in my bag.

He's got gloves in his golf bag.

Don't poke holes in everything.

I'm trying to help out.

- Guys, the team's back together.

- Ha, ha! Whoo!

I call lookout.

And I will let you know if I see Swiper.

Nice. Let's go.

How we doing in there, guys?

I got it. I got it. I got it.

All good. How are things out there, Nick?

Things are good. Hey, can you not say

my name over the radio, please?

- Why not?

- Could be somebody on the frequency.

Oh, yeah. It's a good point. Very smart.

There you go.

That's using the old Hendricks brain.

And there's the last name.

- We should come up with code names.

- Absolutely.

- Nick, where you landing on code names?

- I'd love it if you'd stop saying my name.

- Just get the gas and get out here.

- Roger that.

The Blade has acquired the target.

- Was that "The Blade"?

Mm-hm. That's my code name, Nick.

We don't need code names.

Everybody knows who's talking.

They're sounding pretty cool,

so let's try to land on a couple.

I'm gonna think up one real quick

and lay it on you.

Uh, I'm coming in at you with The Majestic Lion.

I'm gonna be The Majestic Lion.

Now we're talking.

Not gonna call you that.

That's a bummer there.

I'm gonna need a reason as to why.

Because you're not a jungle cat,

and it's stupid as sh*t.

- Fair point.

- Good catch.

Uh, we should come up with one for him.

- How about St. Nick?

- You've said my name four f***ing times.

If you could come back out to the car,

we can go home.

You know what?

What if I drop the "Lion"?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Somebody's here. Somebody's here.

- Just The Majestic?

I love that. I like that.

Shut up about the code names. A bunch

of people just pulled up into the parking lot.

Hello. Get your thumb off the butt--

Oh, my God.

Real hot chick just pulled

into Julia's parking spot.

I think Julia's headed into the building.

If you'd get your thumb

off the f***ing button and--

Ah, f***. F***ing idiots.

Well, you know what? It's not my fault.

It's not my goddamn fault.

I haven't done a thing illegal.

I can just drive out of here.

I can just drive right home.

No, I can't do that. I can't do that.

They'll just f***ing tell on me.

All right, we're on our way to you.

Chickens have left the pot. My God, my God.

- The coop, I think.

- What?

The "my God, my God"

does sounds like a thing.

Oh, sh*t.

Why don't you set the food up over there?

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