Horrible Bosses 2 Page #6

And we'll circle these chairs around.

Dale?

Kurt.

God, grant us...

Oh, sh*t. It's a cult. It's a f***ing cult.

--about our sex addiction

that we cannot change...

- Sex addiction.

- It's a sex addiction. Yeah.

Neat.

So proud of you, every one of you,

for being here today.

Sh*t.

How's it going?

Hi. It's going, uh...

Whew, you know.

I'm in trouble.

- Save it.

- Okay.

--Something that happened to them

this week.

Found this gentleman loitering out in your hall.

Oh, sh*t. Nick got busted.

Says he knows he's in trouble.

- Yeah.

- We're all in trouble.

You don't have to be afraid. You're safe here.

Okay.

Sorry I'm late. What's up, brother?

Toby, why don't you grab a chair

and bring it in so this young man can join us?

Yeah, um...

- Boy, uh...

- What's your name, honey?

I am, um...

I am Blanston.

- Hi, Blanston.

- Hi.

For a guy not into code names--

- Big swing.

- Bold choice.

- And I love it.

- Yeah.

- It's nice to have fresh blood in the group.

- Appreciate it.

- Fresh, cute blood.

- Hey.

Easy, Julia. Blanston, would you like to share

with us what's led you into recovery?

Ah. Well, okay. I do have a very big problem.

Just been hitting it hard.

I've been hitting it hard.

He thinks he's in an AA meeting.

Getting together with the guys.

Oftentimes, ending up just face down.

Chugging one after the other.

Sometimes double-fisted, just:

Gah, gah, gah. You know?

You know what I'm talking about.

So your sexual addiction,

it's homosexual in nature?

My sex addiction? My sex addiction is, um...

And then what did you say?

- You like to f*** guys.

- No. My sex addiction is to ladies.

- Oh.

- You know. I'm addicted to women.

Boring.

- Oh, f***, I have to piss.

- What?

- I have to piss. I'm nervous. I'm sorry.

- Shh.

- Go, go, just pee.

- It's gonna make too much noise.

No, no, just dip your dick into the toilet.

- Oh, sit down and do it? Okay.

- Yeah, yeah.

- It doesn't reach.

- What?

It doesn't reach. Should it reach?

I mean, I don't know if it's

about "should," but--

- I'll put the seat up.

- Yeah, put the seat up...

- ...and just dip your butt in the bowl.

- Oh, my God.

There we go.

Shh! Shh! Shh!

- Oh, sh*t, sorry.

- Shh! It's okay.

- Sorry, I always flush.

- It's all right.

Okay, I'm just gonna wash my hands.

- No. Why are you gonna wash your hands?

- Huh?

- Why?

- I always wash my hands.

- You have gloves on.

- Stuff gets under there.

- Fine, just be quiet. Okay, okay.

- Let me just wash them. I'll feel better.

Shh.

Oh, my God, Dale, stop.

There's literally no element of sneak

in anything you're doing.

- It's gross not to.

- I gotta go now too.

- You gotta go?

- Yeah.

Do you golf with the other hand--?

- Don't whistle.

- I have to. The only way to get this train going.

Shh, Shh, Shh!

- Listen--

- Why did you flush?

- It just happens.

- Why?

- It's a good habit.

- Sh*t.

Shh!

- What is--?

- Sh*t. She's coming. Hide.

But there was once, though.

There was once--

Oh, boy. If this is safe in here,

I'd love to shake this out and share it.

Something must've happened.

Don't fall on me.

Don't worry. I took a parkour class

at the community center.

Oh, he got her to go back.

- Uh, I was a boy.

- How old were you?

- I don't know. Young.

- Fourteen?

I think we were.

Two 14-year-old boys at camp...

...and not knowing what we're doing...

...and just wrestling.

Ooh. Wrestling camp. Fourteen.

Nice.

- Is he telling the truth?

- I-- I don't know. But, I mean, if he is--

- Good for him, right?

- Absolutely. That's great.

- Did you guys wear those tight little onesies?

- Singlets?

- Is that what they're called?

- That's right. Singlets.

Tight little spandex offering a clear little

outline of, say, a circumcised helmet?

- Oh, boy.

- Am I getting warm?

Okay, uh, maybe someone else

should share.

- No, no, no. Let's go to the unit.

- Sorry?

What was the unit like on this little b--?

Was it veiny? Smooth?

Little turtleneck? Anteater?

I just-- I don't know. Pretty normal.

- Starter penis?

- Not the words I would've used, but--

It's good to have a gay friend

in your group too, you know?

- It makes us more colorful.

- Yeah.

Now, did this penis ever, at any point,

find its way into your mouth?

- Jesus.

- Julia, no.

- You're not gonna pull this stunt again.

- What stunt?

Stopping a meeting early

so she can try to flip another gay.

- Really?

- She always wants what she can't have.

Listen, relax, okay? He's not even gay.

He had one cock at 14

and it hasn't made its way to his mouth yet.

- Well, if you'd let me finish--

- So you did eat that cock.

- You're asking if I sucked it?

- I know you sucked it.

I just wanna hear you say it.

- Blanston, you don't have to say it.

- Shut your mouth.

- Shut up and let him share. You ate it?

- Please say yes.

You wanna know if I ate that dick?

Did you suck that cock like a Bomb Pop

down to the blue?

- You want the answer?

- Give it to me.

I ate that dick, balls,

and licked that kid's sweaty a**hole.

Damn right you did

because you are awesomely gay.

I'm super gay. Never been straight.

Know what else I've never been?

- Inside a woman.

- Meeting adjourned.

- Everybody out.

- Son of a b*tch.

Come on. Hurry it up. Hurry it up. Come on.

- See you later. Bye-bye. That's it.

- Okay, Julia, you are letting the addiction win.

Oh, f*** you, Roz. No one likes you anyway.

Okay.

- Mm. Let's get you prepped for a fill-n-drill.

- Let's do it.

- Ever done it in a dentist's chair?

- I always wanted to nail my dentist.

- He's a man.

- I'll make you forget all about him.

Why don't you go get the chair ready?

I'm gonna visit the men's room real quick.

Oh, you can do that on me.

Oh. Uh, well, it's a...

And...?

Hmm. Well, uh, first time on the slopes,

so I'm gonna stay off the black diamond.

Either way.

- You guys are so noisy. Let's go.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Congrats. I'm so proud of you

for coming out.

- I'm not gay. I'll be right out, okay?

- Come on.

I think it'll be a little suspicious if I disappear.

Gonna complete the diversion.

- We gotta go.

- Thought you were gay.

I'm not gay. Go on, go on. I'll be right out.

Oh. I get it. You're bi.

I'm not bi.

Not bi?

- Do you have, uh, an S? I need an S.

- S, yes.

- How's that?

- Uh, do you have a scarier S than that?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, here.

This is from an article about bridezillas.

Yeah, that'll do it.

Okay, can I read you what I got right now?

- Yeah. Yeah, sure.

- Okay.

"Give us the $500,000..

...or the little boy dies.

You have 24 hours."

I wish you were there to read it.

Sounds scary in that voice.

That's why I wanted scary letters.

Hopefully he's hearing a voice

like that when he reads.

- But why "little boy"? Makes him sound 6.

- Don't wanna be like, "Or the grown man dies."

- You're right. No, absolutely.

- It's not even...

- All right, glue stick, and I'm gonna lock this in.

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