Horrible Bosses 2 Page #7

- Oh, great, yeah.

- First draft, final draft, right?

- How about that? Nice job.

God, I tell you what.

I hope this doesn't sound cocky.

I think we're really good at this.

We're extremely good at it.

I didn't wanna say anything,

but way better than murder.

- A lot better than murder.

- We found our groove.

- This is fun.

- It is kind of fun.

- Nobody gets hurt.

- I always wanted to make a ransom note.

- All here. Let's go.

- Ah!

Son of a b*tch. I knew I should've been

gluing them as I went along.

- Ah.

- Oy, oy, oy.

Hey. Hey. Talk to me. How was it?

It was like something

I've just never encountered.

What, uh, a woman?

I mean, she's so free.

She's so eloquent with her body.

I mean, all of that sexual energy...

...it flows from this place of deep tenderness,

you know?

- It's called her vagina, Nick.

- Please don't talk like that. Come on, let's go.

Listen. He's being so protective.

You're talking like you fell in love with her.

What, are you in love with her, Nick?

No, Dale.

- That was a real long pause right there.

- That was a moment of silence.

I'm not in love with her. That's ridiculous.

She gave me a very rich

and positive experience.

Oh, yeah? Better than wrestling camp?

Oh, boy. Nice house.

Well, he's doing well.

Good for him.

- All right, let's discuss our options.

- Breathe, and go.

Hey, whoa. Guys, you can't just park

right in front of the guy's house.

You wanna carry an unconscious dude

down the street?

He's gonna be way too heavy.

Let's move.

That's a good point. Good point.

Wait, whoa. You can't just walk up

to the guy's front door.

- Will you calm down? We have a plan.

- We have a plan. Just relax.

Oh, do you? That's great.

That makes me feel a lot better.

- Okay, you ready?

- Yeah, I'm ready.

Watch this. Go.

- Ah, f***.

- F***.

- It's a bust.

It's locked.

- The plan did not account for a locked door?

- Fifty-fifty chance it's gonna be open.

- How do you figure that?

- Either locked or unlocked.

- Fifty-fifty, yeah.

- It's basic math. What's up with you tonight?

- Give me your credit card.

- Good.

- Plan B's got a credit card in it?

- Come on.

- Your plan sucks.

- Your math sucks.

That's what's going on.

- Wait. What if he's in there?

- Oh, yeah.

- How do we make sure?

- Why don't you ring the doorbell?

- I love it. Smart.

- Don't. Kurt.

Oh, sh*t. Are you kidding?

- It's dark. Don't think anybody's here.

- Don't hit it again.

- You hear that?

- I know that song.

- What is that?

- It's a song, right? Is it:

No matter what you do.

No, no.

I will always be with you.

- Who sings that?

- Badfinger.

Doesn't matter what you do, girl.

Quiet.

Ooh, girl, with you.

You nailed it.

Knock down the old gray wall.

Shut the f*** up.

- Hey, you're yelling.

- Shh! Shh! You're yelling.

Do me a favor. Hurry up.

Fail to open up the front door

so we can get the f*** out of here.

- Ah, f***.

- Ooh.

- What's "f***"? What happened?

- We got a problem.

- Yeah, see? Right there?

- Goddamn it.

- There it is. Staring back at us.

- Okay, what now?

I guess we follow your idea

and we get out of here.

- Yeah, we gotta go.

- No. Hey. My credit card's in there.

- Call them and cancel.

- They'll send you a new one overnight.

When they find the card,

they'll know we were here. It's pretty simple.

- Oh, sh*t.

- They're gonna know you were here.

Go, go. Car. Car.

What do you got going there?

- Finger-flage.

Is that his wife?

No, that's a '93 Civic

and she's carrying dry cleaning.

I'm gonna go with a maid.

He married his maid?

Mr. Rex, are you home?

It me, Kim Song.

I pick up your dry cleaning.

- Okay, I got it.

- Wow.

He's got good taste.

It's bent, goddamn it.

- Nice, clean lines, little pops of color.

- Let's go.

- Go?

- What?

We just got inside. Let's stay.

- So did she. Let's get the f*** out of here.

- Are you quitting on the plan?

- Back in. Back in. He's here.

- Why? Who's here?

- Mr. Rex.

- Oh, sh*t.

Kim? You here?

Kim, you grab my shirts?

- Yes, Mr. Rex. I go hang up now.

- Great.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kim. Kimbo.

- Take a look at this. Tell me what you see.

- Uh...

Are you gonna leave this mess

in the bottom of my sink?

The water?

Yes, the little water droplets

all over the bottom of my sink.

I don't know what thatched hut

you grew up in, but this is disgusting.

But it just water.

Okay. Okay.

Then you just fire.

You lose your job. Too bad for you.

Bye-bye.

Ha, ha! Look at you. I got you again.

Look at that little chubby face.

You think I was gonna fire you

on your f***ing birthday?

Are you out of your mind, Mrs. Miyagi?

Get over here.

Come here, you. Happy birthday.

I got you something.

That's a good one.

That's top of the line.

That's like the Cadillac of plungers.

That's just for here, though, okay?

- No taking it home.

- No.

Yeah, what's up, man?

Yeah, no, I'm not busy at all. I'm just

making my maid's day. It's her birthday.

Hey, Kim, seriously, though.

Can we keep a dry sink from here on in?

Yes, Mr. Rex.

What's up?

No, f*** that, man.

Kim.

Oh.

Dude, I'm trying.

My dad is being a total dick about the money.

What's she doing?

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- What is she doing?

- Kurt. Kurt. Kurt.

- What? What? What?

Oh, sh*t. That's my thing.

She's doing my thing.

- I can't believe she's f***ing doing that.

- She's not going in deep enough.

- Do you think she's just cleaning?

- What a rookie.

Okay, there she goes. Okay. All right.

Kimchi.

- There he is.

- Okay. Shh.

- Oh, no. He's gonna brush his teeth.

- He is.

- He's gonna do it.

- Here he goes.

- Do it.

- Do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, get them nice and clean,

you son of a b*tch.

So satisfying.

Wait, guys. Okay. Now what, though?

What are we doing? What do we do now?

We wait for him to go to bed.

Dale starts the gas. I've got the ransom note.

- Not now.

- He said, "Dale, start the gas."

I said, "Dale starts the gas."

Later, you idiot. Turn that off.

We can't have the gas in here.

Okay. I'll put this on the--

- Turn it off.

- I'm trying to. It's broken or something.

Are you kidding me? Turn it the other way.

We dropped it like a million times.

I think we broke it. No, see?

- It's not doing anything.

- Let's get out.

- What? He's right outside.

- Shh.

Sh*t. He's right there.

Then get the can out of here.

Don't start laughing.

What is funny about this?

Look at your face. Look at his face.

Ha, ha.

- Oh, no.

- Dude, your face...

The gas. Is this the gas?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Hey. Listen. Keep it together.

Yes, it's the gas.

- It's pretty good.

- You keep it together.

I was trying to hit him.

- Guys.

- No, no, no.

Okay. I'm good. I'm good. Let's--

Sh*t. Kurt. Kurt, your phone.

Your phone. Answer your phone.

- I got it. I got it. I got it.

- Where are we?

- Shut it off.

- Why is your wife calling me?

Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t. She's probably freaking out.

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