Hot Lead and Cold Feet Page #3

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Outta my way, you varmint!

If you wasn't right here,

I'd swear that sounds like you.

[Indistinct yelling]

Yeeeee-hoooo!

MAN:

Now there's two of 'em!

Liven it up! Yeah!

Yeeeeee-hooooo!

He looks just like

a real gunfighter.

I don't think we know him

as well as we thought.

Yeah! Yeah!

Hah!

This saloon is deader

than Boot Hill!

Party needs livenin' up.

That's Eli over there.

Twins?

Twin brothers!

Isn't that wonderful?

What's this?

[Gunshot]

I thought I shot out

that mirror!

Don't fire.

No.

[Breathing heavily]

Holy smoke.

The mirror's talkin' to me.

I'm not a mirror.

No.

I don't like this.

How come there's two of me?

I said, "How come

there's two of me?"

Hold it, Billy.

There ain't two of you.

There's one of each.

Brothers, spittin' images.

Brothers?

Oh, isn't that marvelous?

I'm overjoyed.

Well, I don't need

no spittin' image!

Hold it, Billy!

Hold it!

Now, we got us

a brand-new will.

Now, it mentions the fact

that you got a brother,

but it don't say nothin'

about him bein' a twin.

Well, I don't need no brother,

nor no spittin' twin!

Like it or not,

want it or not,

need it or not,

you got him!

Just whose side are you on,

Mayor?

Oh, Mayor Ragsdale?

- Uh, yes.

- Eli Bloodshy, sir.

I've got a letter

asking me to look you up

regarding my inheritance.

Your inheritance?

Now, not so fast.

Now, how do we know

he's a real Bloodshy?

You talk funny,

like a foreigner.

Well, I've got

my birth certificate.

I've got my license to

drive a cart in Philadelphia.

And I'm expecting my preaching

permit any day now.

Oh, Lordy, it ain't bad enough

I got me a brother.

He's a tambourine whacker!

[Laughter]

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, Eli.

Eli, sir.

Yes, Eli.

Yes, we do have an inheritance,

but there's

a little contest involved.

What kind of a contest?

Between the two of you.

It's spelled out

right in here.

Yes, in detail.

Uh, yes.

There it is.

"Winner take all. "

Between him and me?

Ha!

[Laughter]

What does it consist of?

Oh, just a little race.

[Laughing] Nothin' to be

worried about.

You come on now, Eli.

Let me show you the town

that your daddy built.

I'll see you later, Billy.

A little race, huh?

On the Bloody Bloodshy Trail.

Well, if I was you boys,

I'd get a few bets

down in the big city.

That a way, whilst I'm cleanin'

up on the psalm singer,

you boys

can be cleanin' out Reno!

- Yooooo-hooooo!

- [Gunshots]

That's the Bloodshy

Savings Bank.

Hasn't been open

since the last robbery.

There's not much money

in this town, parson.

I thought my father

had considerable wealth.

Yes. It's all safe

and sound in my vault there.

Don't you worry

about a thing, son.

The lunchroom's shot, too?

People around here seem to get

what they need in the saloon.

So I see.

It's the West, you see, son?

It's the wild, wild West.

Hold it.

He's here.

Who?

He is.

Rattlesnake.

But don't worry.

It's gonna be all right.

I got the edge on him.

You do?

Why?

Because he's here,

and he knows I know

he's here.

But he doesn't know I know

he knows I know he's here,

but I know.

So I got the edge.

Let's leave this

up to the sheriff, son.

You're here.

I know you're here.

Yeah, I'm here, all right.

My sister says

you insulted her.

No man insults my sister

and stays alive.

Insulted her?

I asked her to marry me.

So, she was right.

Get ready to slap leather.

Then get ready

to bite the dust.

[Laughing]

You're fast, Denver,

but not that fast.

Nobody's that fast.

I didn't get to be the sheriff

of Bloodshy for being slow.

Draw and I'll tattoo

your name all over that sheet.

You draw and there'll be

another badge on Boot Hill.

We'll see about that.

At the count of three.

[Chuckling]

Aah! Oh!

[Chuckling]

Whahh!

Uh, uh!

It seems what

hasn't been burnt down

has been boarded up.

I hope the church survived.

No. The church burned down

about six months ago.

The church as well?

Perhaps I can speak

to your minister.

Well, yeah. You probably passed

him on the way into town.

All we passed

was a little cemetery.

That great big gray tombstone?

That was him.

You beginning

to get the picture, boy?

It's the classic picture

of a town on its knees.

Yes, exactly.

Exactly.

Even if you do win that race,

look around you here.

- What have you got?

- What have I got?

I've got the most marvelous

opportunity a man could have.

Thank you for the most

inspiring walk of my life.

What?

Jenny?

In here.

Jenny, fate took us by the hand

when it led us out here.

Everywhere you turn,

there's a golden opportunity.

What are you doing?

Packing.

It goes along with leaving.

Which is what

I'm going to do.

But there's a real job

to be done here.

What job? The school

burnt down six months ago.

All the more reason

we're needed.

To start a fire department?

To build a new church,

to build a new school,

to lift this town

to its feet, Jenny.

I believe that destiny

has spoken to us.

Did destiny tell you where

the money was coming from?

- My inheritance.

- What about the race?

The race?

You've heard about that?

It's all over town.

The kids told me.

Considering the life

my brother's leading,

I'll be taking

unfair advantage.

You don't think you stand

a chance to win, do you?

When you're a missionary

in Philadelphia,

you get to be fast on your feet.

How are you in the water?

When was the last time

you shot the rapids?

And how about the six-up team?

Have you driven one?

- I've never driven one.

- Then there's the mountain.

Have you ever climbed

straight up 2,000 feet

with razor-sharp rocks

and death at every turn?

Is that what you think

this race is all about?

That's it exactly.

Half of the people are betting

you won't come out alive.

That's ridiculous.

You've been listening to

rumors and a couple of kids.

Mayor Ragsdale assures me

it's nothing more

than a plain, simple,

ordinary race.

You don't believe him,

do you?

Of course. He's a fine,

upstanding gentleman.

I like that.

He's a civic dignitary,

you know.

But...

Oh.

He must not finish

that race,

but you gotta make it

look like an accident.

I don't know what

you're head-up about.

Ain't no way that city dude

can make that course.

Well, there's too much

at stake to take any chances.

There's something about him

that makes me nervous.

Do you boys think that

you can handle it this time?

Quit your worrying, Ragsdale.

Takin' care of an hombre like

Eli is our meat and potatoes.

Good. I'll have some gravy

for you later.

[Sizzling]

Dinner in a moment, sir.

Try servin' it up here,

you overpaid import!

And close your mouth,

less'n you're aimin'

to catch flies.

If I may, sir,

what are you doing up there?

I'm spyin' on you,

Mansfield,

to make sure

you delivered the will.

Perhaps you were able

to get a glimpse of Master Eli.

I would have if

you hadn't let me climb up here

without my spyglass.

Begging your pardon,

but I wasn't here.

That's no excuse,

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