Hot Rod Page #4

and then I'm gonna kick your ass.

I'm gonna assume you're laughing

at some funny dream you're having.

You're a p*ssy.

What is that, sleep-talking?

You suck.

Frank, open your eyes.

You are not asleep!

I am asleep, homo.

Oh, it's so good to see him

smiling again.

Yeah! And you know what

won't make him smile?

When I murder him!

And I am genuinely sorry

about the window!

Enjoy the show. Hey, how are you?

Enjoy the show.

Yeah, I have various responsibilities

within the crew, you know.

I'm kind of a jack-of-all-trades, really.

I one time manned a flamethrower.

Cool.

Of course it's cool.

It's awesome as sh*t.

Here you go, Mr. And Mrs. Powell.

Front row seats.

I hope you all enjoy the show.

I can assure you I won't.

- Thank you, Rico.

- Okay.

Goodbye, Rico.

Hey, I just did the numbers.

We sold 200 tickets at 5 bucks apiece,

which comes to $1,000.

Now, you add that to the money

from the birthday parties,

and it's over $4,900.

Rod, we're really gonna do this jump.

Of course we are, Kevin.

We're geniuses!

Oh, heads up.

Oh, man.

This guy's a moron!

Shut up!

You suck!

We're all laughing at Rod!

The devil's lies

Run, red man

Run for your life

Oh, my God. Bear.

No, there's a bear. Bear!

Kevin, turn it off!

- Rod...

- I said, turn it off!

I try to drink at least two a day.

Oh, yeah!

My Native American healer...

Hey, what happened to the crazy movie!

Take it easy! Whoa, whoa.

What the hell was that all about?

What the hell was that all about?

Rod, I'm sorry.

I don't know what they're laughing at.

Your video made me look like an idiot!

- I didn't mean to.

- What was it, Kev? Jealousy?

You couldn't take everyone loving

my stunts and thinking you're short?

- I'm not short.

- Yes, you are!

No, I'm not!

Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, guys.

- Oh, you guys.

- Come on, they're serious,

let them work it out.

Let them work it out.

Let them work it out.

Okay, I'm out. Peace, I'm out.

What do you want?

Come sit down, honey.

I failed, Mom.

I lost all the money

and people laughed at my stunts.

Dad would've been ashamed of me.

Rod, there's something

I have to tell you.

Something that I should've told you

a long time ago.

What?

I haven't been completely honest

with you about your father.

You see, he wasn't a stuntman.

What?

He was a cashier in a tire shop.

But what about the picture?

It was just a picture.

Evel Knievel came to town, and

he posed with everyone in the store.

You lied.

You had such an imagination as a boy,

and when you saw that picture

you started to make up

these wonderful stories.

And I didn't have the heart to tell you

it wasn't true.

You have to believe me.

I did it out of love.

So, how did he die?

He choked on some pie.

What? Come on. Seriously?

He wanted to win that contest so badly.

Well,

I guess if he wasn't a stuntman,

then neither am I.

Rod.

Rod!

You did the right thing, honey.

There he is.

Rod! Hey, Rod!

Hold it right there, Rod.

What in the hell

do you think you're doing?

Grocery shopping.

I don't understand, Rod.

I'm not a stuntman, Dave. I never was.

Just a normal dude.

Well, what the hell are we supposed to

do, huh? Where's that leave us?

I dunno, Rico. You tell me.

What ever happened to

"Live as a team, die as a team?"

It's a sham, okay?

There's no such thing as a team.

You live and die alone.

Do you see what you're doing to him?

You're making him upset.

How important is this to you? Huh?

I don't even cry, and look at me.

You're about to make

tears come out of my face.

I'm sorry, okay?

This isn't what I wanted.

Who am I supposed to build ramps for?

Who am I supposed to

build ramps for now?

I just wanna be friends, Rod.

I want us to...

For serious.

You wanna know

why I joined the crew, Rod?

It's 'cause ever since we were kids,

you've always done exactly

what you wanted to do.

And everybody else just grew up,

and got boring, and sold out.

But you stayed exactly the same.

Who cares what anyone thinks?

You don't get it, do you, Denise?

I used to be legit.

In fact, I was too legit.

I was too legit to quit.

But now I'm not legit.

I'm un-legit.

And for that reason, I must quit.

You don't mean that.

Yeah. I do.

Stay sweet.

- Hello?

- Rod. Hey, buddy, it's Dave.

- From the crew.

- Yeah?

Hey, man, what's going on, man?

I just, you know, wanted to call,

see how you're doing.

Maybe you'd wanna hang out,

you know?

Possibly take me to the hospital?

- You know? If you're free.

- Is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

Everything's great.

No, no. But, you know, it's probably

just precautionary, you know.

If you just wanna swing by, man,

I'd totally appreciate it.

Yeah, sure. Just give me a minute.

Rod, thank you so much...

Hey, Rod. Thanks for the ride...

Hey, buddy, how's it going?

Dave, what happened to your eye?

- This?

- Yeah.

- Is it really noticeable?

- Yeah.

Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous.

Well, I got off work early.

And you know my buddy, Derrick?

Well, he was like...

"I've got this acid, but I can't do it."

And I was all like,

"Well, I'll do it."

So I did it.

And by the time I got on

my banana board, man, I was...

I was tripping balls pretty hard, man.

So, I decided to get on my

bench grinder

and a piece of metal flew up

and hit me right in the eye.

It was pretty awesome.

And that brings us to now.

Yeah, well, just try and relax.

Can do, man. Can do.

I'm gonna be honest with you, Rod.

You look like a giant eagle

with fire all around you

and you've got a mountain for a face.

I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave.

Yeah, but it's also just kind of weird

seeing you drive this minivan.

Yeah, well, it's my mom's.

Balls, man!

Man, we just ran over a small bus.

This really small bus,

we just ran over it.

I didn't see anything.

Hey, we're here.

Seriously, man, this is, like,

one of the top ten nicest things

anybody has ever done for me.

Don't worry about it.

Hey,

I know things are feeling

pretty bad for you right now,

what with your biological dad not being

a real stuntman and whatnot, but,

I dunno, the way I look at it,

you've still got this other dad at home,

sick in bed,

and you sure do love him, man.

And if he's sick, and you've got

the talent to make him better,

well, that's pretty special.

And to deny that would just be

dumb.

All right. Take it easy, mountain-face!

- Hospital?

- Trash can!

Sweet. Thanks, buddy.

Teacher, there are things

That I don't wanna learn

'Cause there ain't no joy

For an uptown...

Hey.

Hey.

So, look,

I was way out of line, and I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Sorry about your dad.

Thanks.

So, cool beans?

Cool beans.

Cool beans.

Cool beans.

Cool beans.

- Cool beans.

- Cool beans.

- Cool beans.

- Cool beans.

- Cool, cool.

- Bean, beans.

- Cool.

- Beans.

- Cool, cool.

- Beans, beans.

- Cool...

- Beans.

- Cool, cool

- Beans, beans

- Cool

- Beans

- Cool

- Beans

- Cool, cool

- Beans, beans

Rate this script:4.8 / 5 votes