Hot Shots! Part Deux Page #4

you and I ever met.

I'm still married today.

You're joking.

- I'm not.

- You are.

If I was joking

I would say...

a horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says,

why the long face?

You are married.

Why didn't you tell me?

I thought he was dead.

He worked for the government

training pilots

for the CIA in Germany.

They told me he was

killed over Villenstulden.

The day before you and I

were to go away...

I received word he was

in a Berlin hospital.

I had to go to him.

They ordered me

not to tell anyone.

I know how you must feel.

You know how it feels to have

your heart shot out of season

and strapped

to the hood of a car?

To be passed like

the world's largest kidney stone?

Ramada, I don't think so.

[Siren]

Patrol boat!

Remember,

we're not American.

Those boys aren't stupid.

Where's Harbinger?

Shut off your engine.

Shut off your engine.

We are coming aboard.

Ummm.

Hmm.

Kareem of onion.

Al. Jarreau.

Go on!

Get out of here!

Ah! Ha ha! Take that

to the bank and cash it!

Swim for shore!

Save yourselves!

Swim for it.

I'll catch up.

Go!

Aha!

Omar Sharif.

Aah!

Aah!

Ooh, ooh!

Whoo-whoo whoo-whoo

whoo-whoo whoo-whoo...

whoo-whoo whoo.

Ohhh!

Aah!

Topper.

[Newscaster]

And in other news...

President Benson is returning

to Washington today

to speak to the nation...

in what experts are calling

the pivotal address

of his political career.

[Pencil Sharpener

Grinding]

Well.

How is the speech coming, sir?

Hmm?

Oh, I'm practicing my A's.

Does this look like an "A"?

Yes, sir.

All right.

Ha ha ha!

What have you

got there, Bill?

We received word

from Michelle Huddleston.

Topper Harley is missing.

His boat's been demolished.

- Oh, damn it!

- Aah!

Every time I give an order,

things get screwed up!

Plan a reception, they bring

the wrong hors d'oeuvres.

Appoint an ambassador,

he leaves the country. Now this.

We need a plan.

This may be our last chance

to get the hostages out.

All right.

Now, here is where we are

and here is where they are.

Oh, Jesus.

No time for prayer.

Here's the target area.

That's Minnesota, sir.

That's the genius of my plan.

We don't have to traipse

all over the world to fight.

We can do it at home

and go fishing.

- The enemy's over there.

- We'll fly them over here.

They can bring their relatives.

We'll teach ice skating.

Mr. President, the hostages.

It's imperative

that you act now.

Topper?

Aah!

Topper, you made it!

That's right, Cindy,

it's 23 minutes past the hour.

And now, here's

the Buckinghams with...

Kind of a Drag.

You're bleeding.

I'll be all right.

There's something else

that bothers me a lot more.

Harbinger...

where were you when

the patrol boat arrived?

Below sweeping

the boat for bombs.

What are you accusing me of?

Nothing, yet.

But I want you to

know I smell a rat.

Don't push me, Lieutenant.

Before you bagged

your first babe...

I was slitting throats

for this country

and making a good

living at it.

I'm not saying

I don't trust you...

and I'm not saying

I do, but I don't.

Save it for the enemy.

We got a job to do.

Oh, look, I'm cut, too.

Oh.

They got me, too.

It's a real gusher.

Let's get going.

There's a guard at the gate.

He's mine.

Wait here.

Topper?

Topper.

Oh! Jesus!

Before we go in there

I think there's something

you should know.

What now?

Have you heard

of Dexter Hayman?

The freedom fighter.

Yeah. He won the Nobel

Prize for inventing

the artificial appendix.

Exactly. Dexter is

one of the captives.

He's my husband.

You've got to be joking.

If I was joking,

I would say...

"a rabbi, a priest,

and a minister..."

O.K., O.K.,

he is your husband.

Topper, I was so young,

just a schoolgirl.

He was an older man...

wise in the ways

of the world.

He came around the schoolyard

day after day.

I so admired his persistence.

Even the restraining order

my parents slapped on him

wouldn't hold him back.

He opened my eyes

to the arts, music

clog dancing,

Wrestlemania.

His work has meant

so much to so many...

and I owe him

everything, Topper.

Everything.

I'm happy for you, kid.

But if you think you can

hurt me again, you're wrong.

I left my heart

in my other pants.

Go.

Knicka nach.

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

[Imitating A Monkey]

[Squeak Squeak]

[Whinnies Like A Horse]

Ah!

[Cluck Cluck Cluck]

[Aah!]

[Cock-A-Doodle-Doo]

The Iraqi coast.

Oh, those bluffs

look treacherous.

Hadn't counted on that.

But if God is on our side...

we'll rendezvous on

Lincoln's wart by noon.

That's it, men.

We're going in.

[President Benson]

Our rescue mission was underway.

But two things kept

running through my mind...

Would we get to

the men in time...

[High-Pitched Voice]

And why'd I bring

helium instead of air?

I'll guard the rear.

You take the front door.

[Glass Shattering]

The keys.

[Snoring]

[Dixie Plays]

[Brahms' Lullaby Plays]

What?

Enough.

[Clank]

[Squeak Squeak]

Huh? Eh?

I'll have a hamburger.

[Alarm Blaring]

Where are the prisoners?

Over there.

Let's go!

I'll take the back gate.

Now, that's a hell of a gun.

Where is Dexter Hayman?

Villa...

compound 405.

Move! Move!

O.K., I'm here.

"Terrorist mountain...

"it's a small war...

"Pirates of the Persian gulf...

the hostage mover."

Ah, "Dexter's dungeon."

Harbinger,

what are you doing here?

I was right, wasn't I?

You sabotaged

all the other missions.

I find that totally unacceptable.

You got me wrong.

All these years...

fighting...

and shooting and killing.

I just...

I can't go on.

I...

I...

Hey, hey, hey, rainy face.

Hey, proud warrior.

Let the sun come out,

you big, bad G.I. Joe.

You know, kitten...

we all have permission

to make mistakes.

It's called learning.

You give Uncle Topper...

a nice big blow.

I'm done.

That a boy!

Thanks, Topper.

I can kill again.

You've given me

a reason to live.

Head for the gate.

Plenty more bad guys to shoot.

[Announcer]

Keeps going and going

and going

and going.

Nothing outlasts the...

Yes!

- Aah!

- Aah!

[Yelling In Arabic]

The copter pad's half a mile

from the compound.

We can't leave,

not without Dexter.

Topper, watch out!

[Music Box Music Plays]

For a moment there, I...

I thought you were...

Gabriela Sabatini.

I get that all the time.

It must be the nose.

The irony is I haven't

picked up a racket in years.

You saved my life.

Topper, no matter

what happens...

I want you to know that I...

I never stopped loving you.

[Whistle Blows]

Let's move out!

You know how to

get to the copter pad.

If I'm not there in 15 minutes,

you know what to do.

We hightail it.

No. Wait another 15 minutes.

[President Benson]

We could hear gunfire

from the compound.

From out of nowhere, a patrol boat

appeared overhead.

How would we get past

the soldiers on that boat?

Then, suddenly...

it happened.

[Breaking Wind]

[Poof]

[Sniff Sniff]

Ahhhh...

take cover!

Guys.

- Jeez!

- Whoa!

[Machine Gun Fires]

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