Hot Tub Time Machine 2 Page #9

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It's her favorite show.

Then she probably saw it.

F***!

Sorry.

This isn't good. She's never late. Ever.

Do you think she and I

are gonna be okay?

I don't know, man.

I'm not the guy to ask about marriage.

- Wait, are you married?

- Yeah. Well...

I don't know. I hope so.

Okay. Well, I have to find Jill.

Will you cover for me?

No, we gotta find Brad.

F*** a dude. F*** two dudes.

"I'm Adam.

I get plowed by dudes on TV."

Eeny, meeny, miney, drunk.

Choozy Boozey.

So sorry. Wrong room.

Oh, sh*t.

Anybody know a Brad Syed? Report...

Hey, Nick Webber. Do the dance.

You want me to do the dance?

Yeah, do the dance.

You want me to do the f***ing dance?

Yeah!

This is who I've become, isn't it?

The dancing clown.

The man who will apparently do anything

to keep his shitty career going.

Meanwhile, when's the last time

I shared a romantic dinner

with my wife?

Or just did anything,

just the two of us?

It's been a minute.

I'll bet there's a lot

of people here tonight

who have been taken for granted.

This lady right here.

When's the last time your man

gave you flowers, just because?

F*** you, dude.

Right? On this special occasion,

be thankful for the one you're with.

Make each moment count.

Remember why you fell in love.

Now do the dance!

Yeah!

Do it! Do it!

F*** it. D.J.!

- Hey, Brad.

- Hey, Jacob...

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Give me the nitrotrinadium, Brad!

Give me the f***in' nitro!

- Okay, okay.

- Slowly.

Slowly.

Be very careful, it's my only one.

I only trust you with it.

You thought you had it all

figured out, didn't ya?

Just gonna go back in time

and kill my dad.

- Kill your dad?

- Yeah.

I know your plan, Brad.

Okay, sure, I thought about it.

A lot. When I worked for him.

I knew it.

But why would I wanna kill

the man partly responsible

for the greatest scientific

achievement of all time?

There was no such thing

as nitrotrinadium

when your dad gave me

the idea for it 10 years ago.

...for time travel!

He had a history of pulling great ideas

- out of his ass...

- Boom!

...and god damn it, he did it again.

I'm gonna be in the lab,

trying to save this company.

I dedicated my life's work

to making Lou Dorchen's

vision a reality.

Wait. So you are the inventor

of time travel.

Right? It's f***ing awesome.

So you weren't gonna go back to 2015

and shoot him in the dick.

Shoot him?

If I was going to kill your dad,

it wouldn't be with a gun.

What I would do is spike his morning

cocktail with a potent sedative

before dragging his body

to the Gulf and...

Feeding it to a shark.

- Yeah.

- It's the perfect plan.

Are you having

as fantastic a time as I am?

Shut up! This isn't making love!

This is a "f*** you" to my fiance!

Right, right, right, right. Okay.

- F*** me, Uncle Lou!

- Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!

Uncle by marriage!

I feel like that is

an important distinction to make.

F*** me, Uncle Lou by marriage!

I can't believe I'm f***ing

Adam's father's future daughter-in-law!

I can't believe I'm f***ing

Adam's father's sister's husband!

Adam! Have you seen Lou?

That Jacuzzi time machine thing,

is that real?

- It's a hot tub.

- Whatever!

Listen, Adam, I'm sorry,

I gotta be a stickler on this.

Jacuzzi is a brand name, and...

Shut up! How does it work?

- How does it work?

- This!

It's the only nitrotrinadium

in the whole world!

Ten f***ing years!

It was a b*tch to make, dude!

I know, Brad.

I didn't mean to f***in' lose it.

He got the jump on me.

But he's so much smaller than you.

He had, like, super-human strength,

like that f***ing baby in Superman I.

You mean Baby Superman?

That baby was Superman.

Yeah, I mean...

That baby was Superman, Jacob!

- Hey.

- Hey.

Any luck?

- Yeah.

- You found him?

Sh*t! No. Brad. No, you?

Nah. Dude.

Ten years of my life.

Handle it.

Instead of linear,

think of space-time as being fluid...

- Hey.

- Hey, Lou.

America!

Brad was helping.

He's not the murderer.

- Oops.

- Then what happened?

Adam took the nitro.

He's going back to 2015 to kill you.

Adam Junior's the murderer?

Why would he do that?

I think...

You guys

are gonna think this is hilarious.

I may have

f***ed his wife. A tiny bit! A tiny bit.

You know, in her vagina, or whatever.

F***, Lou!

So you just created your own killer.

- So I'm the bad guy now!

- Yes!

Yes.

Come on!

F***!

Sh*t.

Baby Adam got away.

Sh*t. Sh*t. Look, look, look!

Come on, come on, come on...

No, no, no, no, no!

This has got to end now.

Lou...

- Lou, what are you doing?

- Lou, get out of the road.

- Lou!

- I know what I'm doing!

Get the f*** out of the street!

You don't know what you're doing.

You're going to die!

Lou, would you come the f*** on?

Let me do this! I got this!

I got this!

Stop!

I'm sorry. Okay.

Okay, okay, okay! I mean it.

I do. I mean it.

I'm a dick. Ask my friends.

- He's a dick.

- Big ol' dick.

Look, I get you. I do.

I know what it's like

to feel unappreciated,

like just a member of the pack.

I just want you to know that

despite what I said before,

I do appreciate you.

And I'm appealing to your

sense of humanity right now.

There is a maniac trying to kill me.

And I'm asking you

to be the bigger car and help me out.

I'm just a guy looking at a car

and asking it to love me.

Listen. You can't go with me, okay?

Scat!

Hey, listen.

I'll be back, okay? I promise.

I'll be back.

We'll go all the places that

we never got to go, okay?

Just

wait for me. You

stay blue.

Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t.

We're too late. We just missed him.

I guess that's it. We're stuck here.

That means in a minute, Lou's going to

disappear.

No. That can't be right. Right, Jacob?

I mean, you got...

You got a plan or something.

No. We just got to...

What are we gonna do?

F***, I don't know.

I don't know.

Sh*t, Lou.

- I'll miss you, brother.

- I'll miss you, too.

Hey. Before I forget,

will you just keep an eye on him?

He's got such a big future ahead of him.

- Obviously.

- Yeah.

I got it.

Jacob, it's okay. Don't...

No, no, no.

Our nitro was missing

because it didn't exist yet.

But if Adam took the nitro to the past,

then it exists here in the future.

Holy sh*t!

There's still time.

- Jacob!

- Let's go!

We gotta go back to the past

to save the future.

What does this remind you of?

Terminator.

- Always Terminator.

- Always Terminator. I know.

Let's go save Lou's life.

High five.

High five.

This is my favorite part!

Here we go! Here we go!

- I think we made it!

- Let's go!

- Let's go!

- Okay.

It's the party. And there's still time!

He's gotta be around here somewhere!

We are live!

From Lougle Mansion.

Worth 2.3 billion dollars, introducing

Lou "the Violator"

Dorchen!

- Hey, everybody.

- Lou!

Lou, I found him.

I'm going to shoot you in the dick

so you can't f*** anyone else's wife!

Technically, you all aren't married yet,

- so she's not your wife.

- Yes, she is!

Adam, I hate to be a stickler,

but you guys haven't met yet.

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