Hotel Transylvania 2 Page #6

Cebause I'm Batman!

Yes! To the Batmobile!

Got your butt kicked by

a girl, Batman.

Yeah. Whatever.

I'm not about to cry.

Hotel Transylvania.

I smell humans!

Tear it down!

Bela, we're in the outside

world. You're gonna smell humans.

You know what? Just wait outside

for me. This is family stuff.

You'll only get in the way.

I just wanna meet

the little fanger.

He should know

his great-vampa.

His what?

Vampire grandpa. Come on.

That was obvious.

Amazing party!

So, what do you think?

This is your vampire costume?

What are you, nuts?

I ordered it online.

It was the only place

that delivered overnight.

You look like you got

a baboon's butt on your head.

Have you at least

practiced your voice?

You can't just

talk like a hippie.

I'm not a hippie.

I'm a slacker.

Talk like a vampire.

My name is Count Jonafang.

I am a vampire.

Okay, vampires don't go around

saying, "I am a vampire. "

Sorry. I am Count Jonafang.

Bleh, bleh-bleh.

Are you kidding me?

I'm sorry. I'm nervous.

Yeah, listen, if you

think I don't like it,

you definitely

don't want to say,

"Bleh, bleh-bleh,"

in front of my father.

Sir, Master Kakie

has arrived.

Oh, hey.

Drac, this is Brandon, a. k. a.

Kakie.

We got him for Dennis.

Hey, man.

Nauseated to meet you.

When does this happen? I got

a book fair in half an hour.

All right. Where's my vampson?

Oh, please. Still has to

make a dramatic entrance.

Dad! Look at you!

So you run a hotel now?

From Prince of Darkness

to King of Room Service.

Yes. So good to see you.

I'll be right with you.

Keep Vlad away from

the humans and Mavis.

I'm on it.

Oh, now that is

a neat costume.

These

two smell funny.

Oh, you're European.

It's called deodorant.

Nothing like insulting

an entire continent, Linda.

Hey, Count!

How goes it? Frankenstein.

Actually, I'm technically

Frankenstein's monster.

Frankenstein,

he's the doctor who...

Would love to hear more.

Call my people.

So, let me introduce you to

some of your son's other buddies.

This is Murray.

Please don't kill me!

I mean, yo, V! What's up?

Talking toilet paper.

Well, that's a new one.

All right! Where's the kid?

That's who I wanna meet.

Johnny!

This is Dracula's son-in-law.

I am Count Jonafang.

Bleh, bleh, black sheep.

Have you any wool?

What's that

thing on your head?

Looks like my

grandmother's boobies.

Daddy, who's the man

with the funny face?

Is this the kid?

It sure is.

Let me see those fangs.

What are you doin'?

Oh, I just love him so much.

I want to hug him right

in the fangs that he has.

I repeat,

lemme see those fangs.

Oh, he's a late fanger,

just like you.

Yes. Yes.

Just like me.

The big shot here was a

little crybaby, all right.

Yes, yes, I was.

Used to pee in his bed.

Okay, Dad.

We just need to scare

the fangs out of the kid.

Hare ha hangs?

Yeah, it's what I did

for Mr. Tough Guy here.

First, you've got

to possess something

the late fanger

finds sweet and innocent.

Then you show them

what's what and...

Pop!

Trust me. It'll scare the

fangs right out. Right, Drac?

Seriously, guys, if I'm late for the

book fair, I'll miss the street fair.

That's your guy.

Possessed?

But Dennis will be so upset.

Don't you get it?

This is our ticket.

If it works for Denisovich,

boom! He's a vampire.

And you all get to stay here.

All right. All right.

Capisce.

Good call.

Kids, everyone, have a seat.

Dennis has a big

surprise for you.

The one and only Kakie,

The Cake Monster!

Hey, kids! It's me, Kakie!

What a wonderful

Kakie day it is!

Now, I have a question.

Who here loves cake?

Rise!

Whoa, whoa...

Why am I floating? Can

I have the stage manager, please?

This isn't working for me.

Whoa...

Wow!

Scary, Denisovich? You

feeling anything? Any change?

Is Kakie okay?

I want all the cake.

Sharing is for cowards.

I don't remember any of this

from the TV show.

Um... I think I saw it on

a Blu-ray disc, bonus stuff.

Wait,

why is Grandpa Vlad up there?

I'm scared, Papa.

What's happening to Kakie?

You don't eat cake.

Cake eat you!

No!

Stop it!

What just happened,

man? I'm outta here.

None of these parents

better review this on Yelp.

Hey, what did you just do?

A few more seconds and the kid's

fangs would have popped right out.

I don't care.

It's not worth it.

What's not worth it?

It was my last attempt to make

the boy a vampire, so you'd stay.

By ruining his favorite thing?

How could you do that?

We were desperate.

You were in on this?

Dennis won't be

happy in my town.

Dennis hasn't been there.

? Now husband and wife

? Feel the strain

and the strife?

Shut up!

Johnny,

Dennis is not a monster.

He likes avocado.

'Cause you don't let

him eat anything fun.

I think Dennis just

wants to be normal.

Can we stop using

the word "normal"?

Where we live now,

he's normal.

He is who he is.

And you can't change him, Dad.

Dennis, where are you going?

Away.

But it's not safe

out here by yourself.

I know a place where

we can hide. Follow me.

If you didn't stop me,

my great-grandson wouldn't

have to be a wimp his whole life

like Schlumpy over here.

A wimp?

Johnny, be cool.

You wanna throw down, old man?

Certified yellow

belt since 1997.

No!

What's this now?

You're not a vampire?

Bleh?

Of course he's human. He's our

son. You think we're monsters?

You! You let your daughter marry

a human and have a human kid?

Why don't you just

put a stake through my heart.

We don't hate humans anymore,

and they don't hate us.

Humans?

You're a fool.

Your great-grandson is

the sweetest, kindest,

most special

boy I've ever met.

And if you can't

give him the love

he deserves

because he's half-human,

then you're the fool.

Oh, Daddy.

Hey, where is Dennis?

Dennis!

Dennis?

Happy birthday, Dennis.

I made you a treat.

Dead pigeon?

Enjoy it.

'Cause once I graduate business

school and start running a company,

you're not gonna get home-cooked

meals like this anymore.

I have to move away, Winnie.

To California.

My mommy thinks

I'm not happy here

cebause I don't have

hair on my face like you.

I'm sorry I'm not a monster.

No, you are perfect.

You're the nicest boy I know.

And I have 300 brothers.

You're nice, too, Winnie.

Well, well, well.

The little human and his pet.

Dennis!

Denisovich!

He's not in the room.

He's not by the pool.

He's not in this pot of soup.

Where could he be?

I don't know why I

ever invited you.

Dennis!

Dennis!

Denisovich!

Dennis!

Stop squirming.

Why are you doing this?

Because this is wrong.

Why doesn't anybody get that?

Humans don't

belong with monsters.

You're wrong!

I am not!

I am holding you hostage.

And me and my crew are gonna tear

that human-hugging hotel to shreds.

You can't.

Really? Why not?

Cebause...

Cebause, why?

Cebause it will

make Papa Drac sad.

Ooh... Sad. And what are

you gonna do about it?

I don't know.

You know why you don't know?

Cebause you're just

a weak little boy.

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