House of 1000 Corpses Page #18

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He is holding a GLASS JAR containing a SMALL FETUS. On closer

inspection we see there are two small bodies joined to one

head. The label reads WOLF.

MOTHER:

(happy surprise)

Otis! I can't believe you decided to

come down and join us... and you

brought little Wolf. This really is

a special night... all my babies

together.

Otis sets the disturbing jar of Wolf on the table. He leans

forward onto the jar, resting his chin.

OTIS:

Now, I don't know where you heard

all your little fairy fables about

Dr. Satan but...

BILL:

From a Captain Spaulding down at

some museum.

OTIS:

(laughing)

That old b*tch hog don't know sh*t.

He tells cute little tattle-tales to

sell his junk, but he don't sell no

Yankee boys no truth.

JERRY:

But something happened, right? I

mean the story is based on a real

incident, right?

GRAMPA:

(mouth full of food)

What are you, Jimmy Olsen cub reporter

for the Daily A**hole?

MOTHER:

Grampa... watch the language.

OTIS:

I ain't sure that you really need to

know. It's better you go home still

dreaming about your kitty cats and

puppy dogs.

JERRY:

I really want to know.

GRAMPA:

Hey, the kid wants to know. Enlighten

him.

OTIS:

Boy, I bet you'd stick your head in

the fire if I told ya you'd see

Hell... meanwhile you too stupid to

realize you got a demon sticking out

your ass singing, "Holy Miss Moly, I

got a live one."

DENISE:

Can we please change the subject?

The CLOCK on the wall strikes TEN.

GRAMPA:

(shouting)

Dinner's over.

(pushes his plate

back and stands up)

Ladies and Germs... it's showtime.

Grampa hobbles out of the room.

BILL:

What's he so excited about?

DENISE:

Yeah, showtime for what?

MOTHER:

For the show. It's Halloween eve and

time for our show.

JERRY:

Oh, you mean on TV.

MOTHER:

No, no, no it's so much more special

than that... you'll see, you'll be

the first to ever see. I think this

is something you'll really love.

JERRY:

Great.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - BARN - NIGHT

Billy, Jerry, Mary and Denise stand waiting in front of an

old barn. Tiny unlocks the huge doors of the barn and swings

them open.

Standing inside waiting is Mother. She is all dressed up for

the occasion.

MOTHER:

Please, come in... how many in your

party...

(she counts the heads)

...one, two, three and four... right

this way.

Mother hands each of them a folded piece of paper, which

serves as a program book. Hand drawn on each is an orange

pumpkin.

INT. FARMHOUSE - BARN - NIGHT

We follow Mother inside.

Thousands of red Christmas lights hang down, strung through

the rotting wood rafters. Crates, barrels and an odd

assortment of chairs face a large quilted curtain. Filling

these seats are LIFELESS DUMMIES.

MOTHER:

Please be seated.

Mother motions toward four empty seats in the front row.

JERRY:

(whispering)

This is way too f***ed up for words.

MARY:

(loud whisper)

I know the words... f***ing psycho

f***ing bullshit, that's the words.

BILL:

Just grin and bear it.

DENISE:

That food...

(holding stomach)

ugh, I feel like I'm gonna puke.

Jerry, Bill, Mary and Denise take their seats.

Mary flips open the program. Inside, written in crayon, are

the words:
HALLOWEEN EXTRAVAGANZA -- starring the Comedy

Legend GRAMPA and the World Famous BABY.

MARY:

(to Bill)

Check this out.

BILL:

Well, ya can't complain I never take

you anyplace.

The sound of a warped crackling record fills the room. Lounge

music.

A small spotlight hits the quilted curtain covering the stage.

Mother Firefly stands behind the controls.

She is smiling proudly.

The curtain clumsily parts TO REVEAL:

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