House of 1000 Corpses Page #5

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INTERLUDE:

Grainy super 8 footage shows us an OLD MAN standing in front

of a small shack. His name is Lewis Dover. The shack is

painted white and covered with SIMPLISTIC RELIGIOUS WRITINGS.

LEWIS:

I ain't no rich man, but I see the

truth. You do not have to go to Hell.

You are in Hell. This is Hell. All

American Hell.

(holds up a gun)

...true heaven in my hands... I'm

gonna blow Satan back through the

door to Hell.

Surrounding the shack are strange sculptures of various half-

human/half-animal creations.

INT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

Spaulding swabs up the last remains of blood from the floor,

he drops the mop into a bucket filled with water and blood.

Bill pays no attention, he is distracted by a strange object

in a glass case over the counter. In the case is a shriveled

up looking half human and half fish figure. It is the size

of a small child. A banner above reads:

AQUALINA - THE MERMAID.

BILL:

How long have you been running this

place?

CAPT. SPAULDING

How long is a piece of string? Too

God damn long, that's how long.

Spaulding slides the mop and bucket behind the counter.

BILL:

No, really.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Sh*t, I don't remember exactly. I

took over for my Pa just after the

Duke nabbed the Oscar.

BILL:

The Duke?

CAPT. SPAULDING

Yeah, my Pa wasn't right in the head

after that.

BILL:

You mean John Wayne?

CAPT. SPAULDING

Hell, boy there some other Duke you

know about?

(rolls up his sleeve

to reveal a John

Wayne tattoo)

A great American.

BILL:

Yeah, I was never that big of a

western fan. I like science fiction.

CAPT. SPAULDING

I figured that much. Why the f***

you asking so many jackass questions

for?

BILL:

You see me and my friends are writing

a book on offbeat roadside

attractions. You know all the crazy

sh*t you see when you drive cross

country.

CAPT. SPAULDING

I don't drive cross country.

BILL:

But if you did.

CAPT. SPAULDING

I don't.

BILL:

But suppose for a second you did.

CAPT. SPAULDING

(fake hick accent)

Y'all find us country people real

funny like don't ya... well, God

damn pack up the mule and sling me

some grits, I'ze a gotta get me some

schooling.

BILL:

No, no I think it's really

interesting.

CAPT. SPAULDING

Well f*** me Side Sally, who want to

read about all that horse sh*t anyway.

Jerry OVERHEARS Bill's and Spaulding's conversation and joins

in to help.

JERRY:

You'd be surprised. Would it be OK

if we took some pictures and included

this place in our book?

CAPT. SPAULDING

Hey, knock yourself silly.

JERRY:

You got some really rare stuff here...

(pointing to Aqualina)

...dig your Feegee mermaid.

INT. SPAULDING'S - RESTROOM - NIGHT

The restroom is gray, dingy, a single exposed light bulb

hangs from the ceiling. The peeling walls are plastered with

newspaper clippings and faded photos.

Mary is in the stall, sitting on the toilet, staring straight

ahead at a poster of RHONDO HATTON, a B-MOVIE ACTOR that

suffered from acromegalia.

Denise standing at a tiny sink, splashes water on her face.

She looks at herself in the mirror.

DENISE:

(water running down

her face)

I swear I've aged five years since

this trip started.

MARY:

Tell me about it.

DENISE:

(takes a paper towel

and wipes her face)

God, I hate falling asleep in the

afternoon. Now I'll be up all night...

(stretches)

...ugh, my back is killing me.

MARY:

Yeah, hey how far do you think we

are from your Dad's?

Mary flushes the toilet and exits the stall.

DENISE:

I don't know. Couple hours I think.

I've got to call him.

Mary washes her hands. Denise ties up her hair.

MARY:

It will be nice to have a few days

off to regenerate. This trip is fun,

but it's starting to get brutal.

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