How to Be a Serial Killer Page #6

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off with razor blades,

or disfiguring them

with hot metal,

but sulfuric acid

really works.

And you can get it at any

chemical supply store.

This will keep you clean,

and this will make it

easier to wrap things up.

Now once you've done

everything I've mentioned,

it's time to get

rid of the evidence.

Remember what

I said, Bart...

When you've dug as

deep as you can dig,

dig deeper.

And when you can't dig

any more, dig deeper.

Then when there's

no more to dig...

Keep diggin'.

How long have

I been diggin' for?

About nine hours.

Remember what I said about

perseverance and discipline...

I killed the woman I loved,

three witnesses...

followed by an 11-hour

drive to the desert

and nine hours of digging.

You think maybe there's,

like, some kind of lesson

to be learned from all of this?

That's a good question.

Want to switch off

for a little while?

Yeah.

Thanks.

I feel really bad for Mike.

Um, he's, he's a romantic...

and Abigail, I know,

was his, his muse,

and it's just -

he's really devastated.

It would be really cool if

there was somethin' I could do

to, like, bring her back.

What's our next move?

Going home,

gettin' cleaned up.

We can't go back

to your apartment.

We're not going

to my apartment.

We're going to yours, Bart.

Mine?

Yep.

That's okay, Bart, I got it.

I got it.

You're my guest.

Thank you.

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

Thanks for your help

out there today.

That was hard for me.

I can imagine.

You know, Abigail, she, uh--

You know, I, I think,

I...bet there's

someone else

out there for you.

You think so?

That's what I keep

telling myself.

Here, this will keep you warm.

Sleep well.

This is a big

waste of time.

Yep.

That guy killed everybody

in the apartment.

Why would he come back?

This is crazy, Mike.

Remember, Bart -

no bodies, no murder.

Why are we

sneaking around then?

Just in case.

We got to see if

they're on to us.

F***.

Sh*t.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

You see that?

That means

we're a little f***ed.

There's got to be a way,

there's got to be

a way out of this, man.

There's, there's a way,

you got to--

You're the one that

should know the ways,

find the way out

of this and we'll f***ing

take the way out of it.

Bart, Bart, Bart.

There are a couple ways

out of this - jail or death.

[Mike laughing]

That's f***ing funny?

No, there are

certain ways out--

All right, all right.

F*** you, jail and death.

I can't go to jail.

If I'm going to jail

I'm going to get raped.

Just shut up.

Those are the worst--

I mean, you're such

a f***ing idiot.

Like, I'm too young

to go to jail.

Would you just shut up?!

Have you not listened to

anything that I've told you?

I've listened to everything

you said and I'm f***ed!

You take a note for a while.

Perseverance and discipline!

Don't look to me

for external validation.

You think living this

life is f***ing easy?

No.

Nothing in this

world that brings

any kind of gratification

is going to be easy.

We all go through

periods of doubt, Bart,

but you can't go f***in' crazy.

All right.

You got to stay calm.

You got to stay

on the path

and you got to stay

true to the cause.

All right.

I got faith in you, Bart.

I've got a f***ing hell

of a lot of faith in you.

Really?

Hell, yes!

Motherfucking hell, yes.

You didn't know that?

I knew that.

We all go through

periods of doubt, man.

But when the winds of

change blow their gale,

that is when you have

to lean against their fury.

All right, all right.

F***.

Remember -

perception's reality.

You remember nothing else,

you remember that -

Perception is reality.

We think we can

get out of this,

we're gonna get out of this.

I think we're gonna

get out of this.

We're gonna be fine.

Uncle Mike has got

you covered, okay?

Where are we gonna go?

You ever hear of a little

place called Mexico?

[Bart laughing]

That's where

we're goin', Bart!

But first we got to take a

little stop off at the shack.

All right.

Plan for the worst,

hope for the best.

What's in the cabinet, Mike?

Oh, sweet!

Is that rope?

I love rope.

Bart, Bart, breathe.

Good.

Never underestimate the

power of cold hard cash.

If you need to get out

of the country quick,

you're gonna need it.

Wow, we're rich.

Sorry.

Your money.

Good documentation

is absolutely imperative.

And you'd be surprised

what you can get

a graphic design student to do

for a couple of hundred bucks.

Oh, yeah, passports.

I don't have one.

That's cool, though.

Probably borrow one of yours.

Always keep

a packed suitcase.

What's in there?

Grenades?

Nunchucks?

What do you got?

Ah, sweet. Clothes.

Have you ever heard

the expression -

'Only use in case

of emergencies'?

What's that?

That's everything.

Just-in-case case, Bart.

What's in the

just-in-case case?

A surprise.

Yeah!

Creating a new look

is imperative

to getting away

from the authorities.

Hydrogen peroxide.

Why?

Hair.

[voice on police radio]

What do you think?

Wow...

You look really dangerous -

and cool.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

You look like you're,

like, a lead singer

of a punk rock band

or something.

You know, I guess the

cops aren't gonna be

lookin' for Billy Idol.

That's for sure.

Hey, should we

do my hair next?

I don't really have

enough peroxide.

What's wrong?

Nothin'.

Don't worry about it.

You're not gonna

need a new look.

You're gonna

love Mexico, Bart.

It's all cervezas

and senoritas.

[taser gun]

[gunshot]

The first rule in facing

the authorities is -

never ask yourself

if you can get away.

What's the magic

mantra we need to

keep saying to ourselves?

Perception is reality.

If we think we can

get away, we can.

Holy sh*t.

What the f***?

Are there any more cops?

That f***in' cop shot me in

the neck with a taser gun.

You got him.

I think you got him

right in the heart.

Lucky shot.

You all right?

Yeah, I--

Go get the peroxide.

Why?

Because it

disinfects cuts, Bart.

Give me the rag, too.

[police sirens]

Sh*t.

How many?

Get down.

Uh, just, just one of them.

That's okay.

One's doable.

One's okay.

There's two now.

Two is still great odds.

We can get out of this.

Have you been involved

in a lot of standoffs

with the police before?

First one, actually.

Keep an eye on the corner

of that shack, boys.

I don't want anything comin'

out of there and surprising us.

That's all right, 'cause I got

a lot of self-confidence.

Mike, there's a third car.

Mike, can you

hear me in there?

Hey, see him?

We know who you are -

this is not gonna

end well for you!

Is this how we're goin' out?

(Officer)

Mike?

Mike, we got you surrounded!

Is this it, Bart?

Is this how we're

gonna go out,

my young, faithful apprentice?

We can still make

it out of this.

Mike, you're backed

up into a corner.

You got nowhere to go.

When we get out of this,

I want to, like,

get some of my own pupils.

You know, and like

start a school.

I want to make a difference;

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