How to Build a Better Boy Page #4

a moment alone?

That's fine.

It's just the three of us.

Oh, okay.

I'll just be over here,

next to the ragweed.

Mae.

Will you go to homecoming

with me?

Yes.

No, I mean, no.

It's too sudden,

is it?

I mean...

Look, this is crazy.

You could ask any other girl

in the school.

Someone who's just

as put together as you are.

People just don't really

look at me that way.

That's not an answer.

Hey, um, could you give me

just one second?

Yeah.

Hey, are you okay?

No, I'm not.

Don't you think this is

moving a little fast?

This wasn't

part of the game plan.

What game plan?

The unstoppable team!

We're gonna study hard,

graduate early,

go to Harvard,

become millionaires,

win Nobel Prizes,

and then become

the president and vice-president

of the United States.

Oh, okay, okay.

So when were you gonna tell me

about the rest of my life?

Come on.

I created this boy to help you.

But now you're letting it

change everything.

Gabby, Albert is the best thing

that has ever happened to me.

And you're acting like

it's a problem.

It's been

said and done

Every beautiful thoughts

been already sung

And I guess right now

here's another one

So your melody

will play on and on

With the best of them

You are beautiful

Like a dream

come alive, incredible

A sinful miracle,

lyrical

You've saved

my life again

And I want you

to know, baby

I love you like

a love song, baby

I, I love you like

a love song, baby

And I keep hitting

re-peat-peat-peat, yeah

No one compares,

you stand alone

To every record I own

Music to my heart

that's what you are

A song that

goes on and on

I, I love you

like a love song, baby

I, I love you like

a love song, baby

I, I love you

like a love song, baby

I love you like

a love song

So, homecoming.

What time

are you picking me up?

She said yes.

Bart?

Don't say my name.

They could be listening.

Who?

Did you fix the computer?

Yeah, I fixed

the computer.

That's fantastic!

No, no, it is not fantastic.

I wish I hadn't

fixed it.

I wish that I didn't know

the things that I know.

Would you just do me a favor

and get back here ASAP?

That means

as soon as possible.

I know what ASAP means.

What's going on?

I've already said too much.

I have to go.

Sir, the situation

has escalated.

We now have reason to believe

that Black Sigma

is after the X-17.

Black Sigma? What is that,

a heavy metal band?

They're international

arms dealers.

There is not a weapon

they haven't tried to steal.

If the prototype

falls into their hands,

the safety of the entire

free world is in danger.

I don't understand

any of this.

How could somebody activate the

prototype from the outside?

Every copy of the software

is in this lab.

What is it, doctor?

There's one more copy

of the software.

Is it secure?

Well, we have

a "Keep Off The Grass" sign

in our front yard.

We have been planning

to steal this weapon for months,

and now someone goes and

grabs it out from under us.

That is very bad manners.

We'll never

get into lab now.

We don't need

to get inside.

The prize is out there now.

And we will be

the first to find it.

Bart, let me in.

How do I know it's you?

Stop being

a massive knucklehead.

Yeah, okay.

It's you.

Nothing to see here.

You fixed it?

Bart, you're a hero.

Are you sure you weren't followed?

What is going on?

My dad is not

a video game designer.

The last 5 years

of my life have been

a complete lie.

My formative years, a fraud.

I am a shell

of a husk of a person.

Would you...

Look at this.

Warning.

You are trespassing on

a network of the United States

Department of Defense.

What?

This was not there before.

Yeah, yeah,

they must have put up

a firewall when

you hacked in...

to the Pentagon,

where my dad apparently works.

I hacked the Pentagon?

Whoopsie.

Hey, no, Miss-Hackey-Pants!

This is the moment when you're supposed

to stop before

you make things worse.

Oh, no.

They just got worse.

"The X-17, The World's

First Covert Robotic Operative."

Do you realize

what you've done?

Yes, I designed a highly mobile,

undetectable,

handsome, wholesome,

speed-reading,

ukulele-playing,

dreamy-eyed robot soldier.

And I set him up

with my best friend.

What?

Hide, hide, hide, hide.

That was unexpected.

That's him.

That's the weapon.

Take the files,

destroy the rest.

No, you...

Sh.

Sh.

Let's go,

someone's coming.

No, no.

I just fixed this.

Something really fishy

is going on here.

Armed intruders?

Government agents?

This is another Taco Tuesday

at the Hartley household!

Let's go.

Black Sigma

beat us here.

Bart's car is outside.

My kids are here.

All clear up here.

Oh.

Oh. Hello, Father.

What are you guys doing?

Uh, nothing.

We're just studying. Math.

Engli...

Math.

Well, thank goodness

you're okay.

There was a break-in.

Where's Mae?

Oh, she's out

with a boy.

Uh, a completely real boy

who treats her

with kindness and respect.

Are you sure

you two didn't see anything?

Nope, not us.

Right, Bart?

No, nothing at all.

Mm-hmm.

And who are these

fine gentlemen, Dad?

Oh, they're...

I've been developing

a military video game,

and these are my consultants.

Oh, that is a bunch of...

Common sense.

Because you have to make sure

the games are realistic.

Right, Bart?

Yeah, otherwise,

it would be like

pretending something

is one way,

but in reality,

it's an entirely different way.

Right, Dad?

And that would be dishonest.

Right, Dad?

And lying is bad.

Right, Dad?

Bart, are you okay?

Whoa, I'm fine, Dad.

Honestly.

Okay, Bart, you'd better

drive me home.

Only honesty in this house!

His name is Albert,

that's his mission data.

What is this homecoming?

I will only accept

the truth.

Ah. Sorry.

I had a little bit of a moment,

but I'm calm now.

I'm calm.

There.

Those kids will lead us

to homecoming.

Follow that cab.

Hey, taxi.

The Eagles pre-game party.

And I guess

it's as good a place

as any to start

the Robot Apocalypse.

No, it's not.

Mae is Albert's mission commander.

She can shut him down.

When I tell her that,

I'm sure she'll listen.

Hi.

Hi, guys. Hi.

Yeah, I'm not sure you're Mae's

mission commander anymore.

Let's split up

and track him down.

Just find him.

Do not try

to take him yourself.

Why?

Are you afraid

I'll mess up his hair?

Look who's here.

It ain't a party till Gabby shows up.

Hey, Gabby.

Wow.

Mae, new dress?

Oh, Albert took me shopping

on the way here.

Uh-huh.

So Gabby,

we hear you found Mae this perfect boy.

Could you work your magic

for me and Ella?

I think I've done enough.

I'd like a guy who's like five-nine-ish,

scruffy,

but not smelly,

and vegan.

But not like

snobby vegan.

Yeah.

Oh,

and I'd like a guy

who's like, guhhhrrrr...

you know?

Mae,

I need to talk to you.

Alone.

So, you're

Mae's big brother.

I mean you no harm.

Please don't hurt me.

Sigma 3 to team leader.

I have the target

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