Human Page #3

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to tell you the truth,

I never learned to dance.

I tried, but it didn't work.

So, I gave up.

When you marry someone,

you marry them as they are.

At a given moment,

you love them the way they are.

I had an accident.

I lost my arms and legs.

She didn't marry a guy

with no arms or legs.

But she stood it

for a number of years.

We ended up separating,

we got a divorce.

I had to start a new life.

It took me 3 years

to get over the break-up.

After 3 years, I said to myself:

"You can't stay on your own!"

So, I signed up on the internet

to a dating site.

At first, I just put a head shot.

The rest was a surprise.

I didn't show I had no arms or legs.

I had fun on the net,

but when I told people

about my handicap,

nobody answered me.

So, I announced my handicap

and one day, I met Suzanna.

There we are, love is possible.

We've been together for 8 years.

Suzanna has 3 girls, I have 2 boys.

We have a one-eyed dog,

4 cats, a guinea-pig.

It's one big reconstituted family.

Anything's possible.

I found love again.

And we really love each other.

I've been married to my husband

for 18 years now.

He has never said, "I love you,"

but I feel he does.

Sometimes,

eyes speak more than mouths.

When I was younger, I wondered

how people could live together

for so long,

without falling out of love.

I also couldn't imagine how people

could sleep

in the same bed for 20 years.

I thought it would be boring.

But it's not!

Every day,

I think,

"Yesterday, my love was weaker.

"Today, it's true love."

And then, a year goes by.

This love becomes even stronger.

When I go to bed at night,

I look at him and think,

if he died,

I could never replace him.

After being married for...

50 years, 49...

51 years.

My wife took seriously ill

just before we celebrated

our 50th wedding anniversary.

And she suffered terribly

for about 2 years

as an invalid.

For the last 2 years of her life,

I was her nurse,

I was her doctor, I was her friend,

I was her lover, I was her husband.

Everybody wanted me to get

a full-time nurse, day and night,

and she begged me not to.

She only wanted me to look after her.

And I loved doing it for her.

And I did it by myself.

I carried her to the car,

I carried her oxygen tank,

her wheelchair.

I packed it in the car,

I pushed her round,

I put it back, I took her home,

I bathed her, I put her to bed.

And I loved it

that I was able to do it for her

without anyone else.

And she appreciated it.

That's love.

The magic moment

that I had with my grandfather

was right after my grandmother died.

I went to go see him.

I knew that he was hurting,

but I wasn't sure

what kind of state he would be in.

And she was his partner 65 years

as well as his driver.

I said:
"Grandpa...

"How are you doing?"

And he said:

"Did you know that for 4 dollars,

"I can get a shuttle

anywhere in the city?"

I said:

"Wow, that's great, Grandpa."

He said:

"Well, I went to the grocery store,

"I went to the woman

behind the counter and said:

"I have this list of things.

Could you help me find them?

"My wife has recently changed

her residence to heaven."

And I said:

"Grandpa, man, you always

help me see the glass as half full."

And he leaned back,

looked me in the eyes, and he said:

"It's a beautiful glass."

When I was 12, I left

my grandparents' house

because of abuse.

I went to live in the street.

It was better for me to keep going

and try to become independent.

What I can never forgive

concerns my mother.

Selling me wasn't a good idea.

Because we're her children

and she suffered, giving birth to us.

So, that's what I'll never forgive.

The hardest moment

in my whole life

was my father's death.

Because...

I don't want to cry.

He supported me.

He would...

He would encourage

me and my brothers.

I'm not afraid of anything anymore,

because I've been through

many horrible things,

and I've grown used to it.

And I'm hardly scared of anything.

When they say to me:

"We're going to hit you.

We'll kill you."

I say to them:
"No, I'm not scared,

"and if you do,

I won't be scared."

My father used to tell me

that it didn't matter if you fell.

You just had to get up again.

If I fell, I had to get up again.

Always get up again.

That helps me a lot.

If I lived in the past,

I'd spend my time crying,

I'd be bitter,

I wouldn't be friendly.

You have to know

how to play and smile,

because living in the past is no use.

You have to live in the present.

Family, to me,

is a communion.

It's coming home

and being greeted:

"It's good to have you home!"

Helping my brothers

to do what I can already do,

because I'm one of the elders.

Teaching them.

Seeing my father

come home from work, satisfied,

sitting in his armchair,

and me making him a coffee.

That makes me feel good.

It fills you up inside.

If someone's missing,

it feels like a hole in your heart.

"What the hell has happened?

"Where is he?"

Family is something

happy, remarkable.

It's something else.

It fills you up.

When I was young,

I didn't think I was going to stay

in the religious community

that I had joined.

And I suppose I didn't understand

what I was actually doing

and that I was maybe

making a decision

which meant

that I wouldn't have children

and I wouldn't have a family

as other people had.

I don't really think

I understood that,

but later in life,

I had a sister who died

of cancer.

And when I saw her family,

I realized

that when I died,

there wouldn't be anybody...

to mourn me the same way.

As time goes on, then you recognize

that you are a parent to other people

who you work with

or who are friends

or who are related

to you in some way.

So, even though

you haven't your own family,

you have family.

So, I think that's important to me.

My whole life,

I wanted to have a son.

I already had daughters.

I wanted a son

to support me, be my right-hand man.

My son brings me a lot,

just in the way he looks at me.

When we're doing odd jobs...

I try to explain things to him.

I often say to him:

it is said...

that when God...

gave

this child to that family,

the angels asked: "Lord,

"why do You give a handicapped child

to that family?

"They live well. They're happy.

"Why do You impose

such a burden on them?"

God replied:

"I chose them

"so that they may teach the child

that I exist,

"that I am omnipresent,

"in the leaves and in the wind."

That's what I tell my son.

I say to him...

I tell him all the time...

I say to him:
"Look, Alyosha.

"That's a leaf.

"And those are flowers.

"All that makes up

"the happiness of life."

When I'm with Alyocha in the evening,

I say to him:

"Look, son,

those are stars!"

And he

sees them

and he looks at me

with adult eyes.

I get the impression

that he has a spirit

that's much stronger than mine.

It's my son who guides me.

He guides the whole family.

That's why...

now I understand

what love is

and the meaning of love.

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