Hunky Dory Page #2

Careful of the valve.

- What are you going on about, Angus?

- Him. Being in a musical.

- He's such a bummer, it's embarrassing.

- You're embarrassing, more like.

Don't let him wind you up, son.

Your Uncle Neville

used to love the dramatics.

Exactly.

Dad!

Anyway, I thought you

were going out tonight?

He's been stood up, ain't he.

Our first stop is in Bogota

To check Colombian fields

The natives smile and pass along

A sample of their yield

Sweet Jamaican pipe dreams

Golden Acapulco nights

Then Morocco and the East

Fly by morning light

We're on the train to Bangkok

Aboard the Thailand Express

- Thank you, Epitaph.

- Thank you, Swansea!

Thank you, Munro, that's enough now.

- Mandy, your brother's a f***ing poof.

- Piss off.

...will present us with her

Thought For The Day. Lorraine?

Silence!

Miss, I'm supposed

to give you this, miss.

- What is it?

- From my parents, miss.

- I'm not supposed to do the show.

- What?

- Sorry.

- You're Prospero.

- Syd, it's two weeks away.

- I know, miss. Sorry.

The Shakespeare's a bit harder

than the Bowie.

- Yeah.

- I record mine on a tape

and play it back through my headphones.

Maybe I'll try it.

I can make you one if you want.

Ah, here they are. The Epitaph band

themselves. Good gig, boys.

Now I know why rock stars go off

the rails. It's the adrenaline rush.

- Fucks you up.

- Hoople, you were born f***ed up.

He's right.

- Two and two, split those with you.

- OK.

- All right, Kenny?

- Yes, miss.

Oh. I suppose Caliban's gonna have

to be a skinhead now, is he?

- Yes, miss.

- F***ing lesbian.

- What's that, sunshine?

- F*** off. You can't touch me.

- I left school.

- What are you still doing here, then?

Talking to my brother, all right?

I tell you what. You should probably

get some friends your own age.

- Leave him alone.

- He's my brother, in't he?

Aren't you, Kenny?

Come on. Cheerio, lesbo.

See you later, Kenny.

He's all right, miss.

Do you wanna come to rehearsals?

Right, just before we get there,

I just wanna remind you, at the back,

you are Ariel's choir

of Martian spirits.

Spirits, not elephants. Light.

You keep it light.

Right, go on, get up there.

I'll be Prospero.

More work? Let me remind you

of what you promised me,

- which is not yet been performed.

- How now, moody?

- What more can you want?

- My liberty.

- Miss?

- Dena, come on, you can be Prospero.

- I can't, miss. I'm banned, sorry.

- What?

By the headmaster.

Plus, a week's detention.

- Bugger.

- I know. Fascist.

Would you stop it!

- Little sh*t.

- Prick.

- Stop it, I am warning you.

- Miss, it was him!

I don't care. Just stop it.

All right.

Look, go from the song.

Enter Ferdinand. Where's Miranda?

Come on, Stella.

- Right.

- F***ing wanker.

Cue us in.

Where should this music be?

In the air or the earth?

It sounds no more.

This music hath crept

by me upon the waters,

allaying both my fury and my passion

with its sweet air.

Thence I followed it.

Or it hath drawn me rather.

But 'tis gone.

No, it begins again.

You're sailing softly through the sun

In a broken Stone Age dawn

You fly so high

I get a strange magic

Oh, what a strange magic

Oh, it's a strange magic

Got a strange magic

Got a strange magic

You're walking meadows in my mind

Making waves across my time

Oh no, oh no

I get a strange magic

Oh, what a strange magic

Oh, it's a strange magic

Got a strange magic

- Got a strange magic

- Now I'm

Never gonna be the same again

Now I've seen

the way it's meant to end

Sweet dream

Sweet dream

I get a strange magic

Oh, what a strange magic

Oh, it's a strange magic

Got a strange magic

Got a strange magic

It's magic

It's magic

It's magic

Strange magic

Oh, what a strange magic...

- Miss Mae.

- Hm.

Miss Valentine.

I hope you don't mind me

speaking frankly,

but some of us on the staff are

a little concerned about how much

this musical is taking

of the children's time.

Ah, the small delegation.

And, well, since we're being frank,

some indiscipline seems to be spilling

over into their more serious studies.

- I mean, it's all very well you...

- Are you suggesting that what we

are doing is not serious?

I mean, compared to social studies?

We have made our thoughts known

to the headmaster, Miss Mae.

It's as much as some of these children

can do to read and write.

We'd all do well to get them through

their three R's before moving on.

- Don't you agree, Mr Swinton?

- Exams must come first.

It's a bit late to be worrying

about that.

Half of them will be leaving here

in three weeks' time. For good.

It'd be nice for them to

at least have one opportunity

- for some self expression.

- Self expression doesn't butter

any parsnips, Miss Mae.

Parsnips? Mad cow.

It's not even like it's

a proper musical, is it, eh?

Don't you start, Cafferty.

I suppose you'd like to see

the kids do "Oliver", again.

Ah, now you're talking.

I love "Oliver", I do.

Lovely story, catchy tunes. Proper.

If I ever find out it was you

who put him up to it.

- Who?

- Syd Jones.

His parents said he wanted to

concentrate on his studies

- and his rugby.

- Yeah. He's a good rugby player.

It's summer, you f***er.

Oi. Oi!

He's got trials coming up, right!

Nice tits, though.

Oh, aye.

Hello?

Hello. Is Mam there?

No, she's not here at the moment.

Angus, is that you?

- What time will she be back?

- Not sure. About six.

Angus, I...

- It's f***ing hot.

- Hot as f***.

Oh, hello, love.

I was expecting you earlier.

Your brother's upstairs.

We've got a full house.

- Well, it was rehearsals.

- Oh, don't worry.

Only Monday is "Merry Widows" night.

And it's my turn to provide the nibbles.

Come on in. The girls would love

to see you, I'm sure.

They're always asking after you.

Girls, guess who's here?

That wayward daughter of mine.

She's teaching now, she's given up

the acting. Isn't it lovely she's back?

Yeah.

Hello, love.

Hey.

- You met the coven then.

- Yeah.

- They give you the third degree?

- Oh...

I think I let 'em down on

the glamour front. You know...

...coming home to teach.

Not very glittery, is it?

How's the show going?

Oh, I'm not sure. I think I've bitten

off more than I can chew.

Nothing new there, then.

It'll be stunning.

It's good, innit?

She's making a move, finally.

I can't believe

it's been almost two years.

I used to love coming up here

and disturbing him.

Yeah.

What are you gonna do with all those?

Uh... I don't know. Jumble?

We can't chuck 'em.

I mean, that's...

That's a whole life-time's worth

of stuff, that is. I mean...

- Do you want them?

- I don't know. I'm...

Why don't you take a look through

and tell me what you want

and I'll drop it off.

Where were you two earlier?

I was looking for you.

You done?

My mum and dad still shag.

It's disgusting. They used to send me

to Sunday school so they could do it.

But now, I don't go to Sunday school.

I gotta sit there and listen to 'em.

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