Hunting Elephants Page #2

let him keep his money

for more important things.

Nick, come here,

it's an emergency.

Eliyahu, how are you?

Come on!

You won't believe

what happened.

The crazy woman was here.

- What crazy woman?

Daniel's wife. What nerve.

She brought her kid,

she wants me to watch him.

You're kidding. What did you say?

- What did I say?

"You didn't keep in touch,

you didn't visit Rhoda,

"the little sh*t didn't even

call on the holidays.

"Rhoda got sick

because of him.

"Take your little retard

and f*** off."

Very good.

And what did she say?

She left the kid and took off.

It's not true,

I didn't meet my husband

at the nut house.

Contrary to what

his father Eliyahu said

we met at the university

and only then was I hospitalized.

Eliyahu, is that your grandson?

How handsome,

just like his grandfather.

Shut your filthy mouth, Hedva.

Did you see the new dress

my daughter bought me?

I can't open the zipper.

Can you help me?

You and your pistol?

I'd rather be raped by baboons.

Hilarious!

Did you see my mother?

I need my mother.

Help me get out.

I want to get out.

Lanzman, this is the code.

If you can punch it in,

you're out.

That's the test.

I just hope

I don't end up like him...

Where are we going?

- To the coma ward.

What for?

We're going to leave you there.

We're going to visit

your grandma.

Which is my grandma?

- Forget your grandma,

take a look at that.

She's a nymphomaniac.

She hasn't had any

since last night

and she needs more and more.

She needs someone to rock her world

with a 13-incher.

Now she's here, all alone...

That's great. Keep going.

Soon she'll take off her top

nice and slow

and sit on his crank

and move from side to side,

from side to side,

and he'll feel every movement.

What's she doing?

What the hell is she doing?

I don't feel well...

This isn't good...

My blood sugar dropped.

She's something.

Really something.

It's a miracle, a miracle,

he brought good luck.

Come to Daddy.

Take off your clothes, yes. - Yes.

I'll be the first one

who Sigi bathes.

You wish.

I'll be there way before you.

It won't be you, Ezra,

or you, Nick. It'll be me.

I belong here,

next to Rhoda.

She's coming out,

let's go.

Don't let her see us.

Have you seen my mother?

To be or not to be,

that is the question.

Hamlet, you cannot escape

your destiny.

Uncle Claudius... Murder!

You killed my father!

And now you have the audacity

to violate my mother?

Come and meet thy death!

I am your father, Hamlet.

No!

Fight! Fight!

My hand! My hand!

My hand!

Ophelia, I feel something.

It's a strange sensation

in my belly.

Oh, it's growing. Oh...

Tough house.

Mind you,

half that lot out there

haven't paid for their bloody tickets.

Go on.

Ophelia! I'm flying!

I'm flying!

Hello.

Hi. This is Dorit Arbel

from Israel.

Yes?

- Is this Lord Michael Simpson?

This isn't a very good time.

I'm afraid I've just opened the world

premiere of my new production,

"Hamlet, Revenge of the Sith,"

so thank very much.

Thank you, goodbye.

Daniel is dead.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Thank you for

the courtesy of letting me know.

Excuse me, who is this Daniel? I mean,

what relation does he have to me?

Well, he's your nephew.

The son of Rhoda.

Oh, dear.

Lord Simpson,

we know you're in there.

If you don't open the door, Dennis here

is gonna have to break your knees.

You don't have the rights

for the play.

What are you thinking of doing,

jumping out of the window?

We're gonna shove one of these

light-swords up your ass!

You're gonna pay me

every penny!

I have to leave now. Will you give

my condolences to my sister?

She doesn't know.

She's in a coma.

Rhoda? In a coma?

Well, I thought you knew that.

Now that Daniel is dead

we don't have a lot of money.

We need a short-term loan for...

- What about Rhoda's money?

The big place in Jerusalem?

Eliyahu will not give us money.

You're damned right he won't.

Now, that is my family's property

and my father, I can assure you,

had no intention of it falling into

the hands of a Jewish terrorist!

Well, he's not a terrorist.

One may stop being a terrorist.

One can scarcely cease being a Jew.

We just need a little loan.

It's a small thing.

You're one of the richest families

in England.

Oh, yes, somewhere between

the Queen and Victoria Beckham.

The Simpson family made

their considerable fortune out of tea.

The father of Rhoda and Michael

served in India

and then in the Mandatory Police

in Palestine.

He was a hunter and a boxer.

Now, the father was bitterly

disappointed with his children,

so when Michael became

a theatre actor

his father decided,

in retaliation,

to donate the entire

family fortune to science,

leaving Michael with

practically nothing.

How's it going, buddy?

I'm fine.

What are you doing here?

My mom isn't home.

Hello, Dedi.

- Hello, Dorit.

You little scamp...

I like that.

Dorit,

I might have a lead for you,

I've been thinking

about you all day,

and I might have

a solution for your problem.

I found a monetary fund

that can give you

a short-term loan.

Here, take it.

We don't need handouts.

- Stop it, Jonathan.

Thank you.

I can get you this amount

every month.

It's not much,

I really liked Daniel.

No one at the bank knows about this.

I'm bending the rules.

I bought you a computer game,

"Car Thief,"

but school comes first, right?

Do you need a ride?

I can take you to work,

and you to school. - No need. - Sure.

Yes.

You can exchange the game

if you like.

It says so in the fine print.

Here, see?

You have up to a month.

God is in the fine print, Jonathan.

Come on, Jonathan.

Hey, kid...

Hey, moron.

Are you playing?

I'm getting some tea,

then I'll be back to slaughter you.

Let him win.

Why? I'll finish him off

in five moves.

Let him win, listen to me,

I know him.

What were you talking about?

I asked if he has a girlfriend.

Well, sonny-boy? Has anyone

let you touch her cherries yet?

I met your grandmother

at the Bank of Palestine

in Jerusalem.

She had a summer job there

and I came in holding a gun.

There she was, the prettiest girl

in the world, 17 years old.

The daughter

of the British Chief of Police.

I looked into her eyes and said:

A girl like you needs a man that will

look at her beauty all her life.

This is my address.

Come to me

if you are looking for true love.

You walked in holding a gun?

I had a machine gun.

Were you bank robbers?

You and Nick?

We did it for the Jewish people.

We did it for the girls.

Where did you get guns?

- It's still confidential.

Tell me, sonny,

who's that girl you like?

- She's in my class.

Is she pretty?

- I don't know,

I don't have the authority

to determine that.

Listen, kid,

all that counts is getting laid.

If a girl says yes, go for it,

don't make my mistake,

a neighbor once babysat me

and I said no.

I waited ten years after that

and I ended up

going to a whore downtown.

Shut up, Nick.

Life begins the first time

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