Hunting Elephants Page #3

a girl gives it to you

and it ends the last time

you get it.

Go to that girl tomorrow

and tell her:

Let's not waste time,

life is short.

I may love you now,

but it might not last.

Here's my number,

call me if you're looking

for true love.

Grandpa, I can't tell her that,

the whole class

will laugh at me.

Your generation sees

so much sex and ass,

but you have no concept

of simple love.

Say goodbye to your queen, kid.

Your end is near.

You're not bad for a kid.

You definitely inherited my skill.

Checkmate.

You can't go here

because of the rook

and you can't go here...

- I know what checkmate is.

It's one of Kasparov's tricks,

you have to know

when to sacrifice your queen.

When I got up for tea

did he move the pieces?

I didn't cheat, I never do.

You're stupid.

I'd cheat if I could.

No, you wouldn't.

Yes, he would.

Everyone cheats

when it's convenient.

What did your stupid father teach you?

My father was smarter than you.

You didn't know him.

Listen, halfwit, he was my son

before he was your father.

He was an honest man,

which you'll never be.

Why do you come here?

Why don't you have

any friends?

Eliyahu, for God's sake,

leave the kid alone.

I understand

why Dad never spoke to you.

You're a liar, a cheat

and a psychopath.

You don't know

nothing about nothing.

It's my dad's chessboard!

I bought it for him, idiot.

How can you possibly

treat people like this?

One flies 3,000 miles

to find one's beloved sister

in the worst corner

of this dump.

I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Simpson...

Lord Simpson!

One's great-great-great-grandfather

did not kill the Teutonic king

with his bare hands 800 years ago,

for his descendants

to become plain "Mr." again.

What rock did that snake

crawl out from under?

I'm sorry, Lord Simpson.

Rhoda is getting

the best treatment,

I promise you.

Elijah! There you are.

The name is Eliyahu.

- Yes, Elilulu.

I didn't expect you to notice,

but we English are not accustomed

to sweating here

like you natives.

I am transferring my sister

to better care.

George, put the bed back in place.

- Don't.

George, you better put it back

before I spit you and the Englishman

on an IV pole!

Eliyahu...

Who do you think you are?

I am Rhoda's brother

and I have the means

to give her better treatment.

Oh, and another thing,

I hope you are taking better care of the

Simpson residence we let you live in.

When can I see it?

I'll smash his teeth in...

- Eliyahu. - Stop it! - Eliyahu.

Eliyahu, calm down!

I don't have third-party insurance.

Her whole family, those bastards,

they broke her heart! - Stop it!

They broke her heart!

- Calm down.

Eliyahu, not here. We'll make him

eat lead in the parking lot later.

We are the best place

in Jerusalem, Lord.

And to imagine that I was considering

living in this dreadful place,

in an apartment

next to my sister.

You will love it.

And you will change your mind.

And I will give you

the best room for a few weeks

for a try. What do you say?

Well, if you repaint the room,

rebuild the floors

and change your hairdo,

it might be tolerable...

Okay.

"Noa, let's not waste time,

life is short."

Noa.

Oh my god...

What a nerd...

Noa...

Let's not waste t-time,

life is sh-short.

What do you mean?

Someone you l-love

could die any m-minute.

Like who?

I don't know,

but a p-pretty girl like you

needs someone to l-love her and

hold her for the rest of her l-life.

Well, call me.

Wait, where are you going?

Are you making fun of me?

- No.

I'm really sorry about

what happened to your dad.

That's not why I...

What's up, Calculator?

What's that?

A boner?

Noa gave you a boner?

You're an idiot, Eli.

Now you're gonna tell on me?

Run to Daddy and tell on me?

Oh, sh*t...

I forgot,

you don't have a dad.

This is a Do Not Resuscitate form,

a DNR.

Should Rhoda enter a condition

of respiratory distress

or heart failure,

we want your consent

not to resuscitate her.

You want my consent

to kill my wife?

True, her muscles respond,

but she had a stroke.

This form will help

free her from suffering.

I know how much you love her.

You don't know anything

about love, Mrs. Director.

I promised her that when

she was old and helpless

I'd buy poison and kill her...

and she promised me the same.

And I didn't sign a form.

I promised that

to the woman I love.

That's illegal, Eliyahu.

To hell with the law.

This country can't afford

eye surgery for an old man,

it's too expensive.

A guy takes a bullet

for his country

and you piss on him.

He was shot right beside me.

Eliyahu, I don't quite

understand what you mean,

but look,

take this form, read it...

The only person with permission

to kill my wife is me.

The man who's loved her

for 60 years.

When you're pale with grief

Hiding in your silence

Let me talk to you

And walk between your shadows

And be with you

I won't ask you why

I won't trouble your loneliness

Cautiously, as if hesitating

With hints of fondness and kindness

I will talk to you

I am strong

I am strong

Don't go easy on me

Don't stop your thorns

From scratching my legs

When you're weary unto death

And can't sleep in the darkness

When your nightmares

Haunt your dreams

I will stay with you...

Hi, Jonathan.

Wow, marvelous makeup.

You know, that reminds me of when I was

in a production of "The Three Sisters."

It's all about this servant

in Old Russia.

I thought

it was about three sisters.

Yes, well, they were there too.

But when I played Vasily

I made it the leading role.

On the opening night

I surprised the director

by wearing my own

red dressing gown and a black eye.

Well... this is not makeup.

Somebody really hit me.

Was it a terrorist attack?

Are you all right?

I'm okay, Uncle Michael.

- Oh.

Uncle. That's so strange.

No one has every called me

"uncle" before.

Don't you have other family?

The stage is my family.

Come to think of it,

you're the heir to the throne.

You're going to be

the next Lord!

I prefer Prince or Duke.

Well, maybe on the

other side of your family.

No... My mother,

she doesn't have much money.

Well, that's not a problem,

I can give you money.

Right now

I have certain liquidity issues,

but in a month's time

I can help you.

I know what you need.

Come on.

A wonderful day

to all our residents.

Our afternoon lecture:

Sexual Diseases and the Elderly.

It's important that you attend.

Cola? Did you buy him cola?

Are you nuts?

Do you know what they put in it?

No, I don't.

The formula is a secret,

in fact it's probably the best-kept

secret in the 20th century.

If I knew that

I'd be a billionaire.

He was depressed.

Depressed? When you have a problem,

come to your grandpa,

not to strangers.

What happened to you?

I never snitch.

Telling your teacher is snitching,

telling your grandpa

is a way to get even.

Who was it?

What on earth are you doing?

Are you punishing him

for the Coke?

Shut up!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes