Hunting Elephants Page #5

they're all going wild.

They say he's a billionaire.

Someone even said he owns

shares of Coca-Cola.

I am dancing the primitive

Jewish dance, the Hora!

You just broke your hip.

These Israeli women,

they're amazing!

Rita just asked me back

to her room after the party.

Be careful, she has Parkinson's.

Well, maybe that's all for the best

because I'm not allowed

to move my pelvis.

Come on, get up.

Why are only the girls are dancing?

Look at that.

They have no shame,

they forgot the Mandate,

what the British did to us.

Look how they flock

when they see

a title of nobility.

That could help us.

What? - At the bank,

he acts like a lord.

Everyone will look at him

and we'll carry out the plan.

Bravo!

Maybe the kid's idea

isn't so bad after all.

People show him respect.

They'll let him into the safe with the

briefcase without asking questions.

Will one of you animals

help me up?

He's a real-live lord.

Our thanks to Lord Michael for

performing voluntarily and at no charge.

Jesus Christ,

you nearly stopped my pacemaker!

Don't get blood on the shirt,

it's rented.

Uncle Michael,

we know you really need the money.

Nonsense. I'm wealthy.

It's a matter of principle.

I read on the internet

you're broke.

You even sold

your title of nobility.

It was all in the

House of Lords website.

They have a website?

Your father donated

all his money.

You didn't have a job

in theatre in years.

It's a tough business,

show business.

You're never the right age.

I could pass for 45 on the stage,

in the right lighting.

- You mean darkness.

When I was your age

I played Oliver Twist.

People are still talking about it.

"Please, sir, can I have some more? "

My father never came to see it.

Too busy growing tea leaves

in Sri Lanka.

Unbelievable. He's broke.

Too busy hunting elephants

in India.

I need 232,000 Euros.

A.S.A.P.

What for?

I'm going to start a new

theatre company. That's all I need,

one good part.

You see, I'm not like you,

Elilulu,

I don't have a warm,

close personal family.

If I die, there's nothing.

No legacy.

No lifetime achievement awards.

I'm an actor.

I need to act.

We have an idea

for how you can get the money.

Uncle Michael,

we will rob a bank together.

I've never played

a bank robber...

Will it be a big part?

Will I have a lot of lines?

A monologue, perhaps?

A monologue?

I suggest we rob the bank

with our weaknesses.

Grandpa, do you have

a disabled sticker?

Never.

You can get one easily

with your water on the knee

and herniated disc.

Let down your dignity a little.

Okay, Grandpa,

you'll get a disabled sticker

and we'll park in front...

Nick will block the door

to the guards' room with his walker.

Not bad, not bad.

Michael...

No, no, you can call me Alfred,

that's my character's name.

And I spent several years

growing plants in the Far East.

Really?

- No, not me. It's background.

I'm a method actor.

You go inside

and you go to the clerk.

Okay.

- Okay, here.

Here, here.

Okay?

What's my motivation?

- The money!

No, no, you never rob banks

for money,

it's always for revenge or sex.

Sex for who? For the kid? For me?

- Perhaps for Alfred.

So there I am,

alone with her in her office,

and she removes her sweater.

And I say to her:

My dear, you must understand,

I will not sleep with you for the role,

but I will sleep with you for the money!

I grab you like this,

put the gun to your head,

and say:

"If anybody moves, he gets it."

If anybody moves, he gets it!

If anybody moves, he gets it!

I'll blow the kid's head off!

Dear God!

The boy!

Do something!

The boy!

Put down the gun!

Down!

Well, Eliyahu? What now?

I aim the gun at you, Nick,

and say:

"Old man, open the safe for me."

I don't want to be a hostage,

I want the gun.

With your eyesight

you'll shoot yourself in the ass.

You and the kid open the safe.

Okay, Michael,

you go up the stairs, here, yes,

into the bank manager's office.

And you lock the door,

to block the silent alarm.

Later you will say that

you did it because you panicked.

Panic? I can do panic.

Open the door!

I have to press the button...

- No Hebrew.

Alfred, no Hebrew.

Please...

- Espanol, Francais, Italiano...

Okay!

- Un poquito Mandarin...

Please... - No Hebrew.

- Open the door!

I need to push the button.

You believed that, didn't you?

The first code is my birth date.

When is my monologue?

- What?

My monologue.

When do I do the monologue?

Not now, Michael.

Second code is Mom's birth date

and the third code is 17011925.

Isn't that your birthday, Eliyahu?

Does that matter now, Nick?

But it won't open

without the magnetic card.

Where can we get that?

I think Dad had one,

it's still at our house.

Jonathan, honey, sweetie,

what are you doing here?

I came to visit.

How's your lovely mother?

Tell her...

Don't bother, I'll tell her.

It's okay, I'll tell her.

- No, I'll tell her.

It's fine, I'll tell her.

- Jonathan, I'll tell her.

So you came to visit, huh?

- Yeah.

This must remind you

of your late father.

I was just talking about him,

we miss him very much.

I was just telling...

Alex, how much I miss Daniel.

I'll be going.

All right.

Dedi,

how much money is in here?

Didn't your father tell you?

We hardly keep

any money in here,

only if someone wants

to do a big transaction

in cash,

but generally

we don't keep more than

20 or 30 thousand shekels here.

We call it "the white elephant."

The safe is the most

expensive thing here.

Enjoy yourself, pal,

have a look around.

Gentleman.

I will bring my husband to you

that you... learn him.

F***, English is such

a hard language.

You have a husband?

That's wonderful.

What husband?

We're getting divorced,

I'm divorcing.

You're divorcing?

That's even better.

You know, my husband,

he's no gentleman.

He hits me.

Oh, you shouldn't let him do that.

You should go to the police,

pay the bribe,

and they will take care of it.

You know,

you're the only one here

that don't want sex to Sigi.

Sex? Me...

No...

The last time I had sex,

the Queen was voted one of the

sexiest ten women in England.

Didn't understand a word...

Listen, listen.

I have a boy,

he's eight years old.

His English is terrible,

not good at all.

So maybe tomorrow

you come to Sigi house

and you will learn him English.

What do you say?

Let me check my diary.

I'm free.

- Great!

Hava nagila...

Come on, we have to go.

I tell you, it's a bad idea.

It's the only way to get the magnetic

card which will open the safe.

Breaking into

the bank manager's house?!

It's beyond stupid!

Not to mention the fact

that Jonathan's mother is dating him.

Shut up.

Sh-she's not dating him,

sh-she just needs the money.

Duke, that doesn't make it

sound much better.

He's meeting her to sign the loan

document. We don't have much time...

Nick!

Why do we always

let the blind man drive?

Because he knows the way.

Get in!

Is it my glasses or are those stains

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