Hurlyburly Page #4

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- What game?

- Football!

Eddie, am I bleeding?

This is sh*t.

What happened?

I don't know.

It was over too fast.

What?

This thing here.

Whatever happened here.

I gotta run some errands.

Me and Darlene are going

to the desert.

You coming?

So guess what, Eddie?

It's almost decided.

I'm almost decided

about going back to Susie.

I can't stand it, Eddie.

The loneliness in some form

of total, unusual insanity...

is creeping up on me.

I'm starting to think

that maybe if we had a kid...

everything, or at least

the main things, might be OK.

What kid?

We're trying to have a kid.

You and Susie?

Yeah. Eddie, wake up here!

She wants a kid.

All her friends are having them.

It's that goddamn maternal urge.

The biological clock's

like a time bomb.

The confusing thing is me.

Sometimes

I want to have a kid...

then sometimes,

like for the last month or so...

I see this little baby

with a big gun to my head.

So you don't want the kid?

I do, and I don't.

Ever think this is why

the two of you fight so much?

If you do go back,

you gotta get some clarity.

So you both know

what the issues are. How much?

Twenty six dollars.

That makes sense

except she has to have one now.

She doesn't have

to have one now.

I tried telling her that, Eddie.

I got three kids in Toledo.

I don't even know

how old they are.

I haven't seen them

since I went to prison.

I don't want any more kids

lying in their beds at night...

with this sick f***ing hatred

of me. I can't stand it.

I mean, Phil,

there is involved here...

this future person totally

dependent on your goodwill.

I know, but she's desperate.

I can't stand it when she cries.

That's no reason to have a kid.

You got any weed?

I need some weed...

'cause this

is f***ing depressing.

First things first,

that's what I'm saying.

Like what?

Look, you're not thinking.

You're just gonna go there,

hope for the best.

Just leave it to luck

she won't be pregnant?

No, f***, no.

You don't stand a chance,

you do that.

No, I got that covered.

Listen, there's nothing

to worry about on that score.

I've been taking this stuff,

messing myself up...

which is why we ain't pregnant

at this very minute.

My sperm count is monstrous

on its own.

What do you mean?

I have a very high sperm count.

It's record-setting.

What stuff?

Stuff that's harmful

to the sperm.

Wait. Instead of telling her

what you want...

you're taking some kind

of f***ing poison?

This is crazy, Phil.

This is nuts.

It's not poison.

Tell her what's going on.

You can tell her, right?

- Sure.

- OK. So do it.

Eddie, you mad at me?

Are you sure? Because...

I'm just excited.

Sometimes I get like I'm angry

when I'm excited, OK?

Good, because you are

absolutely 100% right...

in everything you're saying.

But if I don't do it,

what's gonna happen?

You gotta do it, Phil!

I know that, and I will,

without a doubt,

but I just want to know

what kind of latitude I have...

regarding our friendship

if my mind gets changed.

What did she do, hypnotize you?

Is this voodoo here?

You're a grown man!

You asked me, I'm telling you!

Tell her!

I'm talking about

our friendship here.

Our friendship

doesn't matter here!

Our friendship is totally,

categorically irrelevant here!

What are you saying?

I'm trying

to run a business here.

Phil, don't!

Eddie, this is our friendship!

This conversation,

these very exchanges!

We're in our friendship

at this very moment!

I'm sorry.

I don't want him

back in this store.

He won't be back.

What do I owe you?

Just take it.

I don't want him back.

I'm sorry. He won't be back.

Scorn.

You feel scorn for me, Eddie.

I mean...

I don't feel... What?

I'm getting confused here, Phil.

Of course you're confused.

It's chaotic.

That's why you're confused.

Think nothing of it.

I'm confused.

We got these dark thoughts.

I see them in you.

You don't even think

you're thinking them...

so we can't nail that down.

How are we gonna

get beyond that?

They are the results of your

unnoticed inner goings-on...

or my gigantic paranoia...

both of which exist... Come here!

So the goddamn thing

in its entirety...

is on the basis of what's got

to be called a coin toss.

It's not a goddamn coin toss.

Phil, it's not!

Oh, it's not, huh?

You think I'm being cynical

when I say that?

Nothing is necessary, Eddie.

Not a f***ing thing.

We're in the hands of something.

It could kill us now or later.

It don't care.

Who is this guy

that makes us just... What?

You know, there's a name for it.

It happens.

There's a word for it.

Everybody knows it.

It's like a law. It is a law!

What the f***'s the law?

All I'm saying...

Cynicism has nothing

to do with it, Eddie!

Don't have the baby

thoughtlessly.

That's all I'm saying.

God almighty, Eddie...

I have pushed thought

to the point...

where it's no more use

than a head full of car horns.

Don't terrify me

that you have paid no attention.

I gotta get back to Susie.

If that means having a kid...

then I gotta do it.

I need my marriage.

I am lost without it.

You cooked your goose, Eddie.

Artie can walk his own dog,

and you can f*** yourself!

These particular tits and ass

are taking a hike!

Thanks.

You all set?

Oranges.

Great.

You're just saying that!

No, Susie, no, really.

You can't just say that.

You gotta mean it.

- I do mean it.

- No, you don't.

I want to have a kid!

Susie, I mean it.

I do.

I really do.

Hey, how is everything?

How you doing?

Billy's here.

I'm doing my version

of the dad thing.

Oh, right.

Get ready, Dr. Freud,

here comes little Billy.

When you getting in?

Stop it.

Gonna come to the bar tonight?

It's flight 832.

- You got a pen?

- Go ahead.

Yeah, I'll come.

You there?

Arriving at 6:
50 p.m. Tomorrow.

Well, listen, I really...

I want to do something special.

I really miss you.

Yeah, me, too.

I gotta run.

I'll see you tomorrow.

He says to the guy...

he doesn't even wait hardly

for the guy to talk...

and the next thing I know,

Phil whacks this guy...

so unbelievably hard.

Never seen anything like it.

Oh, my God,

the guy went across the floor...

like he's on f***ing wheels,

then he falls down.

Then he gets up.

Wait. You knock him down,

and he gets up?

- He gets up.

- Reflexes.

For all he knew,

he was going shopping.

I'm not kidding. Am I right?

If he'd have grabbed a bag

and said, "Hey, come on."

This guy...

The second whack

I put on this guy...

was beyond the realm

of normal human punches.

He could have f***ing

disintegrated.

He's got violent karma.

I'm telling you,

it's in the cards with this guy.

That's it.

This is my karma?

To whack people in the face...

when they do some f***ing

irrelevant thing?

F*** it!

Absolutely right!

F*** destiny, fate.

All metaphysical stuff, f*** it.

You are a cynical bastard,

you know that?

Does this bother you, Eddie?

Eddie is abstaining

per Darlene's instructions.

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