Hurlyburly Page #8

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and it was this significant...

you know, mutually fulfilling

relationship.

Things have taken a turn

for the worse, that's all.

- Suck my dick.

- Like what?

She doesn't love me.

Who?

My girlfriend.

What do you mean?

What do you mean,

what do I mean?

My girlfriend doesn't love me.

Oh, sure she does.

Why?

I don't know, but...

she doesn't.

Are you sure?

I'm a real person, you know?

I'm not some goddamn

TV image here, OK?

I'm a real person.

You know that, right?

I just...

Suck my dick, OK?

If your manner of speech

is in any way a reflection...

of what goes on

inside your head...

you are lucky

you can tie your shoes.

You want me to be kinder.

I say no!

Be harder! Colder!

Be a rock.

Or polyurethane.

That's my advice.

I say be a thing!

And live.

Have you ever considered

that maybe you're just doing...

a little bit

too much sh*t there, Eddie?

I mean, even outlaws have to

take precautionary measures.

You're right.

Do you ever have

that experience...

where your thoughts are like

these totally separate...

totally self-sustaining

phone booths...

and there's this, like, vast...

uninhabited shopping mall

in your head?

You ever have that experience?

I don't feel loved.

Even if she loves me,

I don't feel it.

I don't feel it.

And I'm, you know...

I'm sick of it, OK?

You know what I mean?

I'm gonna go.

What for?

Home. You know?

Greetings, one and all.

- How was your date?

- He threw her out of the car.

Can't you just keep your

f***in' mouth shut, Eddie?

Does everybody have to know?

Sweetheart...

what are you doing tomorrow?

None of your business.

I'm taking my kid to Disneyland.

We're going for the day,

so I'm not gonna be home.

Can I go with you?

'Cause I love Disneyland.

You wanna?

OK, come by about 11:00.

Great.

So, she likes

being thrown out of cars, huh?

You know, I threw a b*tch

out of bed once.

It's not the same thing.

Sorry. Did I say that it was?

This chick,

she's harassing me...

we're balling away...

and she starts going,

"Faster, faster...

"slower, higher."

Do this, do that...

literally to the point

where I said...

"May I ask you something?

Am I in the way or what?"

I got my baby.

Where's your wife?

Sleepin'.

I snuck.

I could have been anybody.

I could have done anything.

You kidnapped her?

You want me to kill you, Artie?

This is my baby. She's mine.

She looks like you, Phil.

I don't see it.

Look how she's looking at you.

They don't see, Artie.

There's a sound vibration,

and there's blur.

It's like a cloud.

You want to hold her, Eddie?

I'm all dirty.

Sometimes I try to think

I'm looking into my own eyes...

but I don't see nothing

of my own.

Just this baby.

It's so cute.

But like I found her.

You want to hold her, Mickey?

She's light as a feather.

You could hold her in one hand.

What if she cries?

Tell her a joke.

One of yours?

Watch her head.

Oh, yeah, she's really cute.

What's happening, little baby?

You know...

this sweet little thing...

this little innocent thing

right here...

Guys, this is a broad

of the future.

Hard to believe.

Awesome.

You think if we kept her

and raised her...

she'd grow up

to be a decent human being?

I'm gonna ask Susie

to give me one more try.

I'll beg. I mean, I could beg.

I'll follow her

around the house...

on my hands and knees.

I won't let her out of my sight.

Damn.

What happened?

Well, she's...

she's a broad already, Phil.

She's done everything

that every other broad's done.

She had a dump on me.

Look at that smile.

Look at that.

She sh*t herself,

and look at that smile.

They're very honest.

You're a rare human being, Phil,

you really are.

I mean...

underneath all the bullshit...

you've got this

incredible potential.

You could channel it.

Mickey, put Eddie on.

Yeah, hang on.

Eddie, it's Phil!

Do you hear me?

Eddie, she won't take me back.

I brought the baby back

like you said.

We were talking for hours.

Well, just keep trying.

What did she say?

Well, she... Susie, wait a minute.

What's going on?

Susie, just wait a minute.

Phil, can I call you back?

Darlene just got here.

We just got home.

Can I call you back?

All right. Stay there.

I'll call you back.

I thought they were divorced.

They are.

Can we pick this up later?

Sure.

Would you care for a drink?

Oh, bad, bad, bad.

Bad what?

Dog. We were talking

about that levitation guy.

It led to a...

dog somehow.

It would have to.

Yeah. What did Phil have to say?

Susie kicked him

out of the house...

or he kicked himself out.

I've gotta call him back.

Well, that sounds like progress.

It seems like they've found

a pattern to their liking.

So much for reconciliation.

You guys up for...

What are you gonna do?

You up for privacy,

or you... Should I...

You could call...

or we could leave a message.

I'll call.

I'll check my service.

OK, all right.

Yeah, I'll just...

It's the kid thing, you know.

That's the thing.

If it wasn't for the kid,

he could walk.

He should have, then.

Damn it. I told him to wait.

It's just, a guy like Phil,

for all his appearances...

this is just the kind of thing

that can make him nuts.

My boy is a factor

in every calculation I make.

He's a constant.

You know what I mean?

Yup. I had a, you know,

an epis...

Well, rough...

so I have some sense

of it, really...

in a funny way.

What?

My abortion.

I got pregnant.

I wasn't sure which guy.

I wasn't going crazy

or anything...

with a different guy

every night...

but I knew them both...

and I wasn't

emotionally involved...

with either one of them

seriously...

though I liked them both a lot.

Which, in a way,

made it more confusing...

on a personal level. You know?

Trying to figure out

the morality of the whole thing.

Finally, I had this abortion,

completely on my own.

Didn't tell anybody,

not even my girlfriends.

I sort of... I went out

of my mind for a while.

My parents sent me on a vacation

to Puerto Rico...

to get it together enough...

to come home with my head

on my shoulders...

at least semi-straight.

I was functional, anyway.

Semi-functional.

And then I went from telling...

absolutely nobody

to telling everybody.

This was when?

Seven and a half years ago.

Well, it happened to you,

you know.

There's nothing I can do

about that.

No, no, I just...

I mean, it was painful.

There were certain things

I lear...

that have been

a great help ever since.

I wanted you to know when you

were talking about your son...

that I, on a visceral level...

knew what

you were talking about...

and something

came out of it good.

The two guys, where are they?

Oh, I have no idea.

That was Cincinnati.

How about Mr. Chow's?

We treat ourselves right.

That's great.

I'd love the seaweed.

I mean, you want Chinese?

I love Mr. Chow's.

We could go somewhere else.

What about Petit D'or?

Sure.

You like that better

than Mr. Chow's?

It doesn't matter.

Surprise me.

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