Hurricane Bianca Page #2

to keep your contacts in?

A phone?

How do you mean?

(sighs)

Let's start with discussing

the origin of differences

between men and women--

You're right across the hall

from Carly Ward,

Deb's daughter.

Ain't she a fox?

Many social influences

play a role

in determining

these differences.

If you ever hear the kids

talking about someone

named Miss First,

you'd best tell me about it.

Is that, like,

another teacher?

No one knows who it is.

They say Miss First

turns boys into men.

For their sake,

God, I hope it's her.

Um, this is

the longest tour ever.

And this is the grand finale.

Dang.

Mm.

(bell ringing)

Thank you!

Good morning, sir,

I'm Keely.

And I'm Amber.

Good morning!

Hi, ladies!

We brought you

a little something.

We just wanted to say,

Welcome to Milford High.

Aw, thank you.

Chocolates!

O love chocolates!

Have some.

Sure.

Amber's mom makes it fresh.

Oh, please.

Tell your mom I said thank you.

Oh, I will.

Now you ladies get to your

seat before I eat the whole box.

(chuckles)

-Enjoy.

-Thank you.

Ladies!

Today is not the day

to show off your ignorance.

Get it together!

Hi!

I'm Mr. Martinez,

and I just want to let you know

how excited I am to be here.

(laughing)

Okay!

Don't worry.

I used to think the same things

were just as funny

when I was your age.

(laughing)

Okay, okay! Let's

just get it all out of...

(coughing)

...our systems now.

(laughing)

Three... two... one.

(clearing throat)

You know...

(belches)

Pardon me.

(laughing)

Lift off!

(Richard) You know what, kids?

I'm not-- I'm not feeling

so good all of a sudden.

If you can just give

me a minute, I'll be--

I'll be right back.

Keely, can I put you

in charge for two minutes,

just two minutes top--

(laughing)

Okay, guys, quick.

Grab the chemistry set.

Best behaviour, baby.

She's here now.

So nice to see you,

Superintendent.

So nice to see you again too.

(rumbling)

(explosion)

What the devil?

You, uh, wanted to see me?

Where to start?

Where to start?

(beep)

Uh, you could start

with why Richard

left his class alone.

-Hmm?

-Is she listening in?

Yes.

Richard, there's been a lot

of people come in here

and try out this job.

And none of them

have been as bad as you.

I know these kids are a handful.

There's only one thing keeping

me from sending you back

to the middle of nowhere,

where you come from.

Middle of nowhere?

I...

I taught in New York City.

You taught kindy-garten.

Mr. Martinez,

you come highly recommended

from the Ambassador Program,

so I need you

to help me, help you.

I-I can help these kids

if you give me a chance.

Will I be seeing you

at the football game tonight?

There's your chance to mingle

with the rest of the staff.

(sighing)

I'll be there with

enought school spirit

to fuel a jetliner, sir.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

(cheering)

Come on, Mavericks!

Rip 'em up!

Rip 'em up!

You almost

fumbled it, you p*ssy!

What's your name?

(mumbling)

Shut up!

I don't care about your name!

Get up!

Get up!

You get on out!

God, you're terrible!

This is intense!

There's something

queer about him.

I can't put my finger on it.

Didn't you say he's

from New York, Mama?

He complimented my purse.

So what are you saying?

He's, like, some kind of queer?

Well, there's only

one way to find out.

You should

go talk to him, honey.

You think?

Yeah.

Show him Minnie and Mickey.

(chuckles)

No man can resist.

B*tch!

Well, aren't you just

hotter than bark on a tree!

Well, hello.

(chuckles)

I'm Carly.

I was upset I didn't get to meet

the cute new member

of our staff today.

Oh, well, that's very nice.

Nice to meet you.

So how do you like Texas so far?

Well, um, everybody

seems to be very welcoming,

to say the least.

(chuckles nervously)

(chuckles)

We're gonna have to spend

more time together.

We're going to be real,

great friends. I can tell.

So!

Do you, uh, like

teaching social studies?

Oh, yeah!

Mama thinks I have

a chance at this year's

Teacher of the Year award.

That's out of the whole state.

And this year,

the winner gets 25 grand.

(chuckling)

Well, good luck for you.

So now that we've been

formally introduced,

I'd like to introduce you

to a couple of friends of mine.

Oh, sure.

Mickey and Minnie.

Oh!

Ooh!

(chuckling nervously)

(cow bell ringing)

(Announcer) Defense!

15 yards on that first down!

I knew it.

Richard, I'm going to make this

quick and painless as possible.

Of course.

What's up?

We're going to

have to let you go.

Excuse me?

He said you're sh*t-canned.

What-- what is he doing here?

The principal likes

extra security

in situations such as these.

We fell... I feel that your

situation will be a distraction.

Wh--what situation?

Found this on the Internet.

(beep)

Single gay male seeks partner

who enjoys laughter, music

long-term relationship.

(laughs)

Where did you find that?

I haven't logged

into that for years!

He ain't even going to deny it.

I thought we had a deal.

You need me to step in, sir?

This school has strong values.

Turn-offs include

self-centredness

and bad hygiene.

Oh!

We need to keep

the children safe from those

that participate

in alternative relationships.

You know,

man on man, man on dog.

You understand.

Are you serious?

One more word from you,

and, uh,

I might have to call the law.

See you never, flamesauce!

(laughing)

Richard, Richard, Richard,

there's very little I can do

for a teacher who gets

fired so quick into the job.

I mean, come on!

I'll go to Oklahoma!

Kentucky!

I'll go anywhere.

Richard, darling,

whe have a waiting list

of over a hundred people,

and right now,

you're at the bottom

of the pile.

You can't tell me

what they did was legal.

You can't just fire somebody.

It's perfectly legal in many

states, Texas being one of them.

Look, I have to go, but

if you need any other help,

just write a letter

to congress, okay?

God.

Siri, I need a drink.

Hmm?

(Richard) Hey, hey.

There he is.

How you doin', Boo?

Hey, I wish

you guys were here.

That's nasty.

Ask him if he

downloaded Grinder yet.

No, I haven't downloaded

Grinder yet, you whore.

We just want to know how many

gay cowboys there are

in the Bible Belt.

(chuckles)

Wait, hold on.

I'm going to put you on speaker.

So, you guys are going

to go to White party?

I think it's racist.

He ain't ever invited me

to go to no black party.

She wouldn't think it was racist

if she looked half-decent

in anything here.

-I told you I have body issues.

-Do cardio.

Okay. All right,

according to Grinder,

the closest gay guy is...

drum roll, please!

30 miles away.

30 miles!

Oh, no, b*tch.

We've got to get

you up out of there.

This is an emergency.

We're coming to get you, baby.

Where is she?

Huh?

I'm going to grab a drink.

Love you guys.

Mean it.

Oh, b*tch.

hurry up and get changed.

We are GPS.

Try red.

Do you have anything on sale?

(horks)

Oh, hello.

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes