Hurricane Bianca Page #8

Ah! It's really her!

My feet are killing me.

Keep your mouth shut, Gaga.

The queen of pop music

has arrived.

Hello, and welcome, everyone,

to the annual District 214

Teacher of the Year ceremony.

(applause)

(thunder crashing)

I am so lucky to be here

to introduce some of our

very talented staff tonight.

And pinch me now!

We have a very special guest.

I still can't believe it.

Lady Gaga took time out

of her very busy schedule

to join us this evening.

(applause/cheering)

Are you having

a good time, Gaga?

Mm-hmm.

Can you tell that to your face?

Unfortunately, one of our

teachers, Miss Del Rio,

had some problems

and was forced to resign.

(moaning, muttering)

When did this happen?

It's all under control, Wayne.

-Shay-shay.

-Very shady.

(Superintendent)

But not to worry.

Milford High will

still be represented.

They decided to send

Carly Ward as an alternate.

(applause)

(Richard) Scientists

have warned residents

to be beware of storms

with female names,

as they are perceived

to be less threatening,

but are significantly

more likely to kill you.

Now let's take a moment to get

to know some of our nominees.

(applause)

Our first nominee is

Mr. Homer Flint

from Nacogdoches.

(applause)

Homer is favourite

at this hight school

because of some of his strong

and visionary leadership,

a clear vision of his goals,

and his impeccable style.

(laughing)

Our next nominee

is from Meadowlakes...

Sue Ellen Spencer.

She is known for her fun, laid

back creative writing classes...

-Huh?

-Sex scandal! Oh!

What is going down

in the school yard?

Them desks is dirty.

(gasping, murmuring)

Huh?

Oh!

This thing is broken.

Shut it down!

(whistles)

Shut it down!

What the hell?

(gasping, murmuring)

(Deb) Hey!

This-- this isn't--

Shut this down!

Oh, my God!

Not in my school!

That's not me!

That's not me!

It's just...

It's... It's any short person.

What the hell?

Things have taken

a strange turn here.

Miss First, the mysterious, and

up until now, anonymous woman

that has been seducing

young boys has been revealed

as Deborah Ward!

Oh, quiet down, everybody!

Oh, God!

Look, this is not true!

This is a conspiracy!

(murmuring, shouting)

(grunting)

Will somebody fix

the dang projector already?!

Oh!

Oh!

(gasping)

What...

It's biting me!

Ah!

(deflating sound)

(laughing)

Oh!

(laughs)

Girl!

(gasping)

(deflating sound)

(laughing)

Did she just get botched?

She's going to need a Band-Aid!

No!

No!

(Deb) Where are you?

Pick up!

Pick up, Willie!

Willie, pick up!

(muffled yelling)

Let me out of here!

Somebody let me out of here!

(Deb) Willie!

Willie, get back

to me right now!

Oh!

(moaning)

Ooh.

(toilet flushing)

Oh, Debbie!

Don't you look fancy tonight?

You!

Sorry I'm a little late.

I was tied up!

Give me these!

Get out of my way.

Has anybody

ever told you, Debbie,

that you have

beautifully shapped lips?

Yes.

(chuckling)

And you know

you need to be really careful

with that face of yours.

You might attract

a swarm of men.

(laughing)

(screaming)

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

It's just like My Girl!

Oh! Oh!

(screaming)

Without further ado, I'd like

to announce the winner,

before anything else

falls on us.

The winner of this year's

Teacher of the Year award is...

Well, this is awkward.

Carly Ward?

(gasping, murmuring)

Rigged!

Wh-- Oh...

Superintendent Howard!

The information

that disqualified

our original nominee

was given to you

on false pretenses.

What makes you

say that, Wayne?

Because Deborah Ward and her

daughter are filthy liars!

-We want Bianca!

-Yeah, we want Bianca!

Bianca!

Bianca!

Bianca!

(chanting continues)

Bianca!

(Chuck) Bianca.

Where you been?

I think Lady Gaga

was hitting on me.

Oh, yeah?

But don't worry.

I told her I was already taken.

(chanting Bianca continues)

(clapping and cheering)

Bianca!

Do you think we need a recount?

(clapping and cheering)

Well all right then.

Thank you, District 214.

When I started, I didn't know

if I was going to fit in,

but one thing that

was consistent

was this remarkable staff

who didn't skip a beat

in allowing me into

their community.

When I arrived, every single

student I had was failing.

Each one has shown

improvement of at least 40%.

All of this,

coming from someone

you said,

was as embarrassment

to your community.

(gasping)

What?

Holy f***ing sh*t.

(Both) I knew it.

She's a dude?

A man.

A man?

I got punked.

That was really f***ing good.

(laughing)

This is Bianca.

(confetti popping)

(gasping and laughing)

It's messed up my hair.

Oh, it's pretty.

Yes!

Word!

All of you have some very

serious explaining to do.

I can barely move my mouth.

Beestung lips

are really in right now.

(crying) Do you know

how expensive these were?

Oh, baby.

I must say,

I have seen better behavior

from some of your

worst students!

Richard, do me a favor?

Take a look at the front page.

(crying)

Why? Why?

'Why is my school racist against

gay people?' By Keely Carson.

Oh, Wayne, come on.

You cannot give in

to these kinds

of special interest groups.

Chuck.

On it.

Sorry, ma'am, the Principal

asked me to be here

for extra security.

What? Hey, let go of me,

you overgrown maggot! Hey--

Don't think I want be

calling the law, Miss Ward.

Oh, are you kidding me?

Is this a joke?

Come on! That kid's been

held back, like, six times.

He said he was legal!

He did!

Did you see that guy?

Now, as for you, young lady.

(Deb continues to rant)

I have no proof that you

were involved in any of this.

Looks like you've

suffered enough already.

(Deb) You know who

you're messing with?

And to think I was going

to let you touch these!

(crying)

Just one more thing, Richard.

Yes, sir.

Please stay out

of the ladies' room.

(laughing)

I'll try.

(call, speak indistinctly)

(Keely's voice) I used to be

one of those people

that didn't really

care about gay people,

but then we had this teacher,

and everyone was

torrible to him, including me.

But I didn't think he would

get fired or anything.

(Richard) All right, guys!

Who's ready to graduate?

(Keely) Furthermore so,

I think the school should have,

like, some protection

program, or something,

to protect gay people.

Because my friend Bobby

is a total homo,

but he won't come out because

he'll probably get beat up.

Well, at least more so

than he already does.

Anyway, thank you

for reading my article.

Keely Carson.

(laughing)

All right!

Please help me

welcome back to the stage

someone very important...

Put your hands together

and make some noise for the one,

the only, Bianca Del Rio!

(cheering)

-Thank you, Ambrosia! Mwah.

-Mwah.

(cheering)

Yeah, Miss Del Rio!

Oh, my God.

What are you guys doing gere?

Do your parents

know you're here?

Security!

(laughing)

Okay, listen, we have

to get this show started,

and I can only start the show

with a drunk, straight girl.

Do we have any drunk,

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