i-Lived Page #2
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 2015
- 97 min
- 17 Views
We can get the f*** out of here
if you want.
- No, it's cool. You just owe me.
- We're cool?
Better, uh, watch out. Looks like
some guy's moving in on your turf.
All right.
Yo. What the hell is that?
Oh. Uh, nothing.
You just buy a girl
a drink, dude?
No. I drink these all the time.
Yeah, you did. Which one?
Ooh. She's hot.
Hey. Now's your chance.
Go get it.
No way. Did you see the way she
just dissed that Abercrombie guy?
I don't have a chance, man.
All those good-looking guys
are gay.
Now go over there and do your thing, man.
Be yourself.
Like a... like a cool version
of yourself. You know?
The sky's the limit, you're
the man, all that sh*t.
Go get it. Have fun.
I bet you're a Kamikaze girl.
Are you asking me
if I have a death wish?
No. What...
What? Like, the drink...
Like... Kamikazes?
No. Sorry.
Okay, sorry I asked.
What? That's it?
I'm sorry?
You said that already.
Right. Okay, uh, it's just a drink
that I thought you might enjoy.
That's... That's it.
You could just ask a girl.
Yeah, I could do that.
Or are you too macho?
You're the kinda guy who thinks
- Do you like to take charge of a woman?
- No! It...
Wait a second,
is this a trick question?
Tricky question.
- Right. Okay.
- Um...
May I offer you ladies
a beverage this evening?
You're cute. I don't know.
What do you think?
- Come on.
- Mm-mmm, no.
All right.
Pull up a chair.
She has terrible taste in men.
I just want to say... Shh.
Good night, Josh.
Good night.
You are getting sleepy,
very sleepy.
All other noise
has been drowned out.
My stress is completely gone.
I'm about to fall asleep.
White Noise is the name of the app,
and it comes with a video option.
That's why I'm gonna give it
three out of five stars.
And now, I'd like to thank
all of you...
who've been liking me
on all the social networks,
and for all of you
new subscribers.
We're almost 300 strong.
That is awesome!
Dad, are you proud of me yet?
I'm doin' everything I can
out here in Hollywood.
I'm tryin' as hard as I can.
All right.
That's enough, Michael Caine.
And this brings me back
to the app...
that I reviewed
just several days ago.
I-Lived.
And I may have been
just a little bit too harsh...
in my first evaluation
because...
it's a lot more clever
than I initially thought, see?
It used the GPS on my phone to actually
track the bar that I was in...
to connect me with the one cute
girl that I had my eye on.
Not that the app
had anything to do...
with actually knowing
who that person was,
but it still gave me the courage
to step to that person.
Ja. Exactly.
So, here is a picture
of my cheating ex-girlfriend.
And here is a picture
of the girl...
that the app miraculously
got me talking to.
It's like one
is a Victoria's Secret model,
and the other one's a b*tch.
So, that's why
I feel like this app...
deserves a little bit more
in-depth analysis,
or what I like to call
a J-TECH double take.
D-D-Double take. Double take.
was click on the user reviews...
to see what others are saying
about the app,
and it linked back
to the Web site,
where I found a bunch
of actual testimonials.
This app has totally
changed my life.
about, um, six months ago,
I was afraid of everything.
I was afraid of heights,
I was afraid of traveling,
and I just walked
over the Golden Gate Bridge.
Um, I've lived here
my whole life,
and I'm terrified of heights,
and I did it.
It changed me. I mean, it
totally changed my life.
All right.
Then there's this guy.
Whoo!
I'd always wanted to be a pilot,
so I got on I-Lived.
And now here I am,
landing a B-17!
And it's all because of I-Lived.
I-Lived.
Weird. There's a lot of
wackos using this thing,
just like every other app, but this actually
seems to be working for a lot of people.
So, I'm finally ready to start
taking this thing seriously,
and enter a new goal.
Make Greta...
my new girlfriend.
'Cause makin' out with a chick
in a bar is one thing,
but cl-cl-closing the deal
It could be a big job
for I-Lived.
Incoming message.
"Girls like nice guys."
"Do something nice
for six people."
All right.
Let the experiment begin.
I'm signing off.
But until then, I'm Josh.
This has been J-TECH.
P-p-p-peace out.
You been here all day. You
gotta shake the spot.
Time for you to go.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Yeah, please.
Thank you for your help.
Can I help you across
the street real quick?
Uh, no.
Are you sure? Yeah. I'm sure.
Hey, hey. I'm helping your dog.
Put this dog down. Jesus. Sorry.
Who are you?
I just wanted to help.
All right,
that definitely didn't work.
Who wants some candy?
Here's a lollipop
for the big boy.
What the f***?
B*tch.
Goddamn it.
Hello?
So, we've just put the celery,
onions and carrots in here to saut.
and...
This should be called the Cougar
Cooking Class, 'cause, you know...
Now, remember, this is a very,
very male dance.
You have to be very strong.
Now take me 'round.
Very good.
"One hour to madness and joy!"
O furious! O confine me not!
What is this that
frees me so in storms?
What do my shouts amid lightnings
- O savage!
- O...
Hey, man. We're trying to
have some coffee here.
That's Walt Whiteman, you jerk.
First of all, it's Whitman.
What man? Not "what
man?" Whitman.
It's Walt Whitman.
Whatever, dude.
No culture in LA.
All right. We're done.
That's crazy. I lived
the exact same thing.
Yeah, well,
when it come to
matters of the heart.
Well...
I'm not gonna let some
crazy narcissist ruin it...
for all the good girls
out there.
Oh, so you're like a philanthropist?
No, no, no.
Uh, more like a
humanitarian and a poet.
Oh, really? A poet.
"One hour to madness and joy!"
O furious! O confine me not!
What is this that frees
me so in storms?
What do my shouts amid lightnings
deeper than any other man!
"O savage and tender achings."
"and you to be yielded to me,
in defiance of the world!"
"O to return to Paradise."
O bashful and feminine,
O to draw you to me,
to plant on you
for the first time,
"the lips of a determined man."
"O to be absolved from previous
ties and conventions."
I from mine, and you from yours!
"O madness amorous!
O trembling!"
"To drive free! To love free!"
To dash reckless and dangerous!
To court destruction
with taunts,
with invitations.
To ascend, to leap to the heavens
of the love indicated to me.
To rise thither
with my inebriate soul!
To be lost, if it must be so!
To feed the remainder of life with
one hour of fullness and freedom.
"With one brief hour
of madness and joy."
One hour?
Two?
Is that a dolphin?
Again. Now.
- Just hang on.
- Okay.
There's also a check list...
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"i-Lived" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/i-lived_10560>.
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